


The Rising Gods of the East

by khelgui



Series: Gods & Beasts [1]
Category: Big Bang (Band), DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, Super Junior, Super Junior-M
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gangsters, Alternate Universe - Mob, Drama, Eventual Smut, Family, Friendship/Love, Gang Violence, Gangs, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-27
Updated: 2014-08-04
Packaged: 2018-01-13 23:50:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 31
Words: 89,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1244926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/khelgui/pseuds/khelgui
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Donghae was hesitating for a good while, but in the end he decided to move behind the wooden fence where he could observe the situation better. It could have been nothing, but he already felt the cold sweat dripping down his forehead in anxiety. So it had to be something.</p><p> Probably few minutes had passed – Donghae couldn’t really put his finger on it – when his heart jumped high up to his throat like a rock and his heartbeat started to race like crazy. His brown eyes were hammered to the sight, where the younger male, with black clothes and a hood over his head raised his hand – where he held a gun.</p><p> Then the man aimed.</p><p> And shot. </p><p> There was blood splattering everywhere.</p><p> Donghae was surprised how silent the gun was – or his mind was playing tricks on him because of the shock.</p><p> The other man fell to the ground, head bumping down hard, the blood soon staining the asphalt under him into a deep red. Donghae felt nauseous, dizzy and he was feeling very ill until he was knocked out of his consciousness.</p><p> Everything went black.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A little piece of piece

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: The whole story will contain things as 'rated' or more likely adult content. If you're not comfortable with things like these (violence, angst, blood, sex, bad language, possible [not main] character deaths), this is not for you.
> 
> I am also not a native English speaker so there is some grammas mistakes, please forgive me!

 

 

 

After a nerve-racking fight Donghae had decided to go out.

“Donghae! You are not talking to your mother like that”, Mr. Yung said in a threatening tone while Donghae was putting his shoes on in a hassle. Damn, he was annoyed and in a bad mood.

“She’s not my mother”, he hissed in annoyance and took his black jacket from the coat rack. He squeezed his keys inside his fists and tried not to let himself fight about the subject anymore, because it was useless. His foster parents didn’t want to understand why he hated school nowadays, and why talking about that always ended up into a fight.

“Where do you think you are going, young man?” Mr. Yung sounded angry, as in mad enough to start beating him if he stayed there any longer. The man in his forties should have definitely done something else with his life.

“Out”, Donghae muttered barely audibly, slamming the front door behind him, when a bit cooled heat of the September day air filled his lungs. The little apartment was left behind, when Donghae marched away from it; to somewhere he could calm himself down.

This wasn’t anything new to Donghae. It was actually a miracle if there was a day without fighting with his foster parents. He couldn’t understand why they had even adopted him and his brother in the first place - over eleven years ago after their biological parents had died in a car accident. Though the first years had been quite normal, after that everything got out of control. Mr. Yung started to drink in an increasing way, and eventually, the beating came along. Soon enough his brother started to protect him, but he couldn’t always be there for the little, almost eight years old Donghae. He couldn’t protect himself alone though; he was way too small and powerless in front of a man at least four times bigger than him.

Mrs. Yung wasn’t ever there to help them. She always just watched and stood silently, like a ghost who didn’t have any power. But even when his husband wasn’t around, the woman had been indifferent towards his kids and done just the necessary for them.

When he got a bit older, he started to feel guilty. He couldn’t possibly let his brother take all the shit for him. Donghae didn’t fight back much because it always made everything just worse. But his brother, Donghwa, who was five years older than Donghae, started to fight back. And it only caused more harm to him. Mr. Yung hit and slapped them both on a weekly basis; mostly in the weekends when their ‘dad’ wasn’t working and he had all the time for drinking and watching television nonstop.

Donghae tried so hard to satisfy his new parents, but nothing was ever enough. He did his household works that were given to him, his homework from school and tried his best when they had exams in school, but there was always something to complain about, and it was the same these days too. But now his brother wasn’t there to protect him from the devil.

Till this day he had managed with the violence, nowadays alone. He tried to stay strong, but sometimes it was a bit too much for a person like him, who wanted to be only or at least accepted as he was.

 

Fuck you, he thought angrily and kicked the empty beer can lying on the street. The can flew into the ditch and Donghae took his earphones and tucked them on. He opened his quite old phone for the music player, knowing that his parents wouldn’t have the interest to call after him. It was only then if he was late or he had to go get something from the grocery store.

The sky was growing darker and darker towards the night when Donghae kept walking on the streets of this concrete neighborhood. He didn’t really like the place. It was boring and ugly, but he had no other choice. Unlike his brother, he wasn’t able to get a job. If he had, he would have moved away already. Donghwa had moved out when he was seventeen, and Donghae was envious about that. If Donghwa just could still be with him here, everything would be at least a bit easier…

Only now he did notice that he had once again walked to the cemetery. There were maple trees and other trees in green everywhere, and it was a beautiful place on a summer like this. Many graves had their flowers and candles on them, as presents to the people who had passed away. His brother was also buried there, and after his death Donghae had visited the place once in a while. The cemetery was peaceful; it didn’t give Donghae any cold shivers. It gave him a little break from the mundane life of his.

The cemetery was his place to speak out, even if no-one was concretely there listening to him – and he didn’t actually care if Donghwa’s soul wasn’t able to hear him, but he needed it. He would sit on the grass beside the grave, and eventually let his thoughts flow freely from his thin lips. He could go on and on for hours, sometimes silent and just thinking his life, or talking about it, or just listening to music. He tried not to talk about too much about their foster parents, so Donghwa wouldn’t feel bad for him. It was childish, yeah, but he felt he had already caused so much pain to his brother.

 

“I’m here again, hyung…” he started softly, pressing the pause button on his phone. Gladly there hadn’t been any rain in a long time, so the grass was pleasantly dry to sit down.

“We had a fight again at home… Jungho wasn’t pleased with my exam results. I bet he just wanted a reason to hit me without drinking alcohol…” Donghae kept murmuring, a bit more silently this time, when he noticed some people farther away from him – at least ten graves away actually, but anyway… This time though he was giving in and talked about the incident with Mr. Yung.

“It’s just… They think I’m just being a reckless wreck, but I’m really trying, hyung… Jungho keeps claiming that I’m lying because I’m such an ungrateful lazy-ass and I’m just avoiding studying. But I’m not! I know you know that…” The boy, who had a strawberry blonde, shoulder-length hair whimpered, and was in merge of tears. Donghae didn’t give his foster parents ever that pleasure to see him crying, so at home he always tried to stay strong. He bit his lower lip, feeling the physical pain through his skin.

“It’s so frustrating! All of the letters and words are always messing and mixing up when I try to read… This freaking word-blindness gives me at least three times more work than normal people needs to do! And I’m trying so hard, but all I’m able to do is always screw up…” Donghae was now lying on his back on the ground, tears pouring down on his reddish cheeks, after deserving a slap from Mr. Yung, as in Jungho.

His hyung was the only one he was able to shed his troubles. No-one else knew about his thoughts. He barely had some friends at school; therefore he wasn’t close with anyone anymore.

Donghwa was the closest person to Donghae, even though he didn’t talk much about his own life. The older brother did his everything to give some happiness in Donghae’s life, so he always said his life was so boring, so Donghae wouldn’t want to hear about it that much.

But the life tends to mess up with everything when you’re least expecting it.

Two years ago his brother had left him forever.

It was just a week away from Christmas, when two police officers showed up at their door. Donghae was at the kitchen, but he walked to the door when he heard they were from the police. It was Mr. Yung, who was the one opening the door and hearing about it first.

“I’m sorry Mr. Yung, but we had found the body of Lee Donghwa this morning. He was shot in death. We are hoping you could come to verify the identity of the body, though we had tentatively identified him from his dental records. We are very sorry for your loss, sir. If you need anything, please give us a call.”

It crushed the glass on Donghae’s hand and the life he had to live for months from there on.

He was never able to go identify his brother. It was way too much for him, so he locked himself inside his room and cried for two weeks, until his foster parents demanded him to go school again. After that he felt even more miserable than before. The only one who was able to give him some light in the darkness, was now gone.

Because he didn’t go to the morgue, he didn’t know about the details of his brother’s death and he never asked about it either. It was enough to know that Donghwa was never coming back again…

 

The tears had already dried on Donghae’s face when he sat up after a long time. It was already dark, and he had probably been deep in his thoughts again for a while now. He wiped his damp cheeks and sniffled, slowly getting up from the ground. The strawberry blonde turned towards the familiar grave which had three candles in front of it.

“Thanks again, hyung… I think I’ll go now”, he exhaled silently, straightened his thin leather jacket and started to walk away.

The cemetery had its orange lights on already and those lit the sight quite beautifully. The breeze still felt like summer, and truthfully Donghae didn’t want the season to end yet… It was more comfortable, and it made him feel better when he could see the trees painted in different hues of green while wind was blowing on the leaves. It was easier to get away from home, and from Mr. and Mrs. Yung, when he didn’t need to freeze in the winter frost.

He was walking peacefully, his heart a bit lighter than before. It always helped to talk, even if he did all the talking. Donghae was at the other side of the cemetery, where was less graves and more trees. But suddenly some weird feeling broke his calm mind. The eighteen years old boy looked around, but couldn’t see anything out of the ordinary. Maybe it was nothing… Just his imagination.

Unfortunately, it didn’t take long to see something intimidating ahead of him. Was he even seeing right? It was the cemetery’s other parking lot, where was a car, a man, and another too. They seemed to be talking, but not in a friendly way. The other one, who was slimmer and the clothes made him look younger than the other, was shoving the other person who had a trench coat and a briefcase on his hand.

Donghae was hesitating for a good while, but in the end he decided to move behind the wooded fence where he could observe the situation better. It could have been nothing, but he already felt the cold sweat dripping down his forehead in anxiety. So it had to be something.

Probably few minutes had passed – Donghae couldn’t really put a finger on it – when his heart jumped high up to his throat like a rock and his heartbeat started to race like crazy. His brown eyes were hammered to the sight, where the younger male, with black clothes and a hood over his head raised his hand – where he held a gun.

Then the man aimed.

And shoot.

There was blood splattering everywhere.

Donghae was surprised how silent the gun was – or his mind was playing tricks on him because of the shock.

The other man fell on the ground, head bumping down hard, and the blood soon staining the asphalt under him in deep red. Donghae felt nauseous, dizzy and he was feeling very ill until he was knocked out of his consciousness.

Everything went black.


	2. The long night

A man with pitch-black hair tucked the gun from his pants and sighed in frustration. Everything had been going very well, until his concentration got slacked because of a text message and suddenly there was one pair of eyes too much. At least the message was quite important. But his friend – actually, his boss if we were precise – would most probably get irritated about that fact.

He heard the shoot right then when he realized that there was someone additional at the scene; someone witnessing what was going on. And that would be bad, if this person was that kind who immediately ran into the embrace of the police forces when something out of the ordinary happened. Yesung didn’t want that – no way.

They haven’t really been on a friendly terms with the cop shop for a long time.

What would be his options now? He couldn’t let that gooseberry escape scot-free. Should he kill that youngster who was hiding behind the fence in a belief no-one haven’t seen him? What were the pros and cons here? Yesung was the accomplice here; he was supposed to be in guard when his boss was doing the absolute necessary duties.

That man had been stupid like a snail; he was the director of a puny company who had thought it was easy to try spoofing against the mafia. He really had thought that people weren’t that suicidal as they seemed to always be.

In a mere second he finally decided that knocking the conscious daylights out of the boy was the best thing to do at the moment.

The body fell down with a thud in the dusk of the silent night.

Yesung hoped he hadn’t hit too hard, because when you were hit with a gun it really hurt – he had experiences that few times. And the aftermath was like you were having a hangover. He put the gun inside his jacket and bended over to get a hold of the slack body. His boss was already ready with the task and he should probably hurry the fuck up right now.

“Damn you’re heavy, kid!” he huffed and threw the boy over his shoulder. There wasn’t much to walk, but it was three times as hard as normally.

Yesung was now in sight of his boss, who was checking on the papers inside the black, leathered briefcase. When he turned around after closing the case, his jaw dropped because of what he saw.

“What the actual fuck, Yesung! Did you kill that—“

“Him”, Yesung murmured and placed the limp body on the backseat of the car.

“That’s not what I asked! What is this? Where did he even popped up from – and you were supposed to be on guard!” the boss, a young man on his mid-twenties snapped, and was definitely pissed off. His boss was usually called as Eunhyuk, though his real name was different. It was just a show off and a nickname from the past, remaining still.

“Did you really kill him?” he asked in awe, looking the other man in the eyes with his own almost black and cold eyes which weren’t always easy to read. Right now he had hidden the emotions from others once again. Probably because he had just murdered a person.

“No, I didn’t.” Yesung just stood there, his quite little hands inside the pockets of his black jacket. If Eunhyuk was hard to read, Yesung was probably even harder. He was a weird guy, smarter than you expected, but essentially he was a very kind person. People just usually tend to understand his dark aura in a wrong way.

“So what’s your plan, genius?” Eunhyuk started to get impatient. They should have left the place already, and they both knew that.

He kept the black hoodie over his head, covering the mop of hair which was dyed into blond. The blond color made his skin look a bit paler, and made his dark, intense eyes stand up even more. It also made him look kind of innocent, but in more like a deranged way; because he was capable of killing people and do other abnormal things too.

He exhaled heavily and pulled off his leather gloves which were putted on just in case, and changed the weight of him from his right leg on the left one.

“I don’t know yet. Let’s think about it on the way, we have to get out of here”, Yesung muttered quite indifferently when he walked to the side of the passenger’s seat and opened the car’s door.

“Oh really.”

Eunhyuk took the stolen briefcase and sat down in the black Nissan, which was just one of the cars for doing the dirty jobs. He started the engine and drove the car on to the highway, in the middle of the hundred different cars. Most of them heading home after a long day in work. But Eunhyuk’s and Yesung’s work had actually only just started.

They had driven some miles already, when the blond managed to focus on the subject of the body on their backseat again.

“Did he see everything?”

“I guess.”

“You didn’t shoot him, did you?”

Yesung wiggled on his seat.

“I just hit him on the head.”

Eunhyuk took a look on the rear mirror and saw the boy’s back of the head and the bit bloody scar on it.

“Can you check does he have an ID?” he asked, and turned his gaze on the road again.

The sea of the passing city-lights had always fascinated Eunhyuk. The darkness was his sanctuary and the neon lights made him feel alive. He had never liked the ordinary life everyone else tried to live so badly. Once in the past he was still an innocent kid who didn’t know about the flaws in life.

He was only fourteen though when he was pulled and enrolled into the lawless side of life. The side, which let him be what he really was. It soon became his everything.

He loved the feeling of freedom; he loved the feeling when action made the blood boiling inside his veins; he liked the fact he was able to have fun with people; he liked that he didn’t ever have to worry about money; he loved the adrenaline boost after running for his dear life – but all that also had the side for cons. He hated to kill people; he hated to be afraid for his friends; he didn’t like the fact that any day might be his last; he was sometimes envious about the stable lives normal people had; he didn’t like the feeling of regret and guilt when he had to kill a person, who probably had some family who were waiting for their dad to come back home and to embrace them with the love he had for them.

He couldn’t say he was happy the way he was, but he couldn’t say he was miserable either. This was the life meant for him, and he knew there was nothing else waiting for him. Way too often he found himself thinking about the things he had done, the things he would like to change, the things he had given away because of the way he lived his life.

Sometimes the rainy days made him moody about all of that. He would sit inside his car, a jet black Lamborghini, and just stare at the different sized raindrops falling heavily to the ground making the ground shine under the dampness. He would listen to the rain drumming softly against the roof of the car. He would start the car and drive miles and miles to just be alone and clear his head, while looking at the city lights like someone else looked longingly at the stars on the velvety nighty sky.

Eunhyuk turned the wheel and drove the car to the junction on a highway.

Yesung had found the boy’s wallet and took the ID on his fingers, observing it closely.

“Lee Donghae. Eighteen years old”, the raven haired said slowly, turning the card on his hands over and over. Eunhyuk just hummed. Something about the boy bothered him, but he didn’t know why. He felt it at first when he heard the name because somehow it sounded familiar. He swallowed inaudibly and looked again to the rear mirror.

“So, what do we do with him?” Yesung continued a bit cautiously.

“We? You were the one who dragged him along, if you don’t remember.”

“But it felt wrong to kill him.”

“You got to be kidding me, Yesung. You kill people for your living, so it sounds very bizarre to me when you say things like that”, Eunhyuk scoffed and focused on the road, cursing slightly when a car suddenly curved in front of them. “Why do you care?”

“I don’t know. But there’s something about him that—“

“Don’t start with the psychic shit, it gives me a headache.” Eunhyuk leaned his left elbow on the window frame and held his temple between his thumb and index finger, eyes focused on the road.

“You asked.”

“Alright – let’s think about this shit when we’ve talked with the others. We also need to tell Yunho too.”

There was a short silence.

“…I think he’s going to stay with us.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“You’ll see.”

 

*

 

The little room was dark, so the unconscious boy would get some sleep after that unpleasant whack on his head. The lights of the city lidded the room slightly through the square window, so the three men in the room were able to see something.

“Is he okay, Leeteuk?”

The man called Leeteuk observed closely the sleeping body on the narrow bed.

“I don’t think it’s anything too severe, just a slight concussion most presumably. But I recommend you to check on him every two hours tonight”, the man who moved the strawberry blonde bangs out of the way so he could examine him better said, then he stood up and turned to look Eunhyuk, who was standing on the doorway now.

“Why?” Eunhyuk asked. He wasn’t too interested to be woken up every two hours or staying up for the whole night.

The other man looked at the person who he was talking to, then the boy.

“Too hard punch on the head might cause cerebral hemorrhage – you should know about that – and that can lead to death. If he’s able to talk normally, it’s most likely just concussion. He might feel ill on the morning though.”

“Right… Yesung, you should do that, you’re the cause of this anyway”, the blond man scoffed and looked at his fellow mafia member.

“No can do, I have other jobs to do tonight”, Yesung said and shrugged.

“So do I, I have to do some calls and paperwork! Leeteuk, please?”

The man beside the bed shook his head.

“I have to go back to Seoul for tonight”, he said apologetically. “I think you have to do this. You have some calls to do – it won’t take the whole night, right?”

Eunhyuk cursed silently and exhaled in exasperation.

“Fine.”

It was going to be a long night, so he took his leave and exited the room, walking through the corridor to the other side of the house – which was actually a mansion. The two other men also left to do their own things, leaving their sub-leader to deal with the inmate.

 

After a one hell of a long phone call, Eunhyuk looked at the time on his phone; it was thirteen minutes past one at night. It meant that he have to go check on the boy soon.

He groaned in frustration and laziness – and stood up from his leather chair, stretching his shoulders, arms and spine which felt pretty stiff right now. Mr. Yoo was always one freaking headache to make any deals with. That nitpicker just had to undergo every damn detail of the arrangement – every single time. In Eunhyuk’s opinion, Mr. Yoo should seriously retire already or he would soon have some gray hair himself.

It didn’t take much time to walk past the other rooms. The hallway was intrinsically made as expensively as the rest of the house. Mahogany wooden floors; light sand-color painted walls; a wide mirror on the center of the hallway; grayscale graphic art on the walls– they really hadn’t spared with the interior. And it was just one of the many corridors in the whole mansion.

Eunhyuk walked to a door on the first floor, which was barely lidded at the time of the night when he was probably the only one in the house at the moment. Everyone else was at their respective duties, as like him. He just had something extra to do.

He promised to himself that he was going to recall the fun to Yesung soon enough.

The door was opened and the only thing he was able to hear was the slow, sleepy breathing from the bed in front of him, which he wasn’t seeing clearly because the room was without any lights. Eunhyuk then coughed a little, hoping that the boy would wake up easily. He didn’t though, so the older man stepped forward and squatted beside the bed, shaking the body lightly from his shoulder covered with a blanket. He shook it few times more, at the same time calling him with some hoarse ‘hey’s and ‘wake up’s.

Finally Donghae was starting to awake in this world again, but not wanting to open his eyes because his head was aching so badly. Instead he groaned and muttered something incoherent, such as; “Go away and leth-meh-sleeaph…”, which made Eunhyuk chuckle a little. This Donghae seemed to have some spirits even asleep.

“Hey, I let you continue sleeping after you’ve answered few questions”, the blond male said, quite bored, and stood up, walking further away from the bed.

“…Mhh…alllrrright…”

“Where do you live?”

The answer didn’t come immediately, so Eunhyuk started to think if the guy was asleep again, but he was able to answer before he went to harass his sleep once again.

“Ssseouul…”

Okay, fair enough. As if anyone liked to speak with anybody with the feeling you’re having the hangover of your life. At least the boy didn’t wake up too well so Eunhyuk didn’t have to deal with any panicking teenager either.

“What’s your favorite color?”

“Blueh…” Donghae murmured barely audibly, more asleep than awake.

“How much is 2 plus 1?”

“Thrrrreee…”

“Okay, I’ll leave so you can continue sleeping”, Eunhyuk muttered and scratched his neck because the situation was just…weird. At least the boy seemed to be still sane – and not changed into a vegetable – and as he thought more, it was actually a bit funny to harass someone when they were so blown out.

So, Eunhyuk kept coming to wake Donghae up for every few hours along the night. He drank some coffee to keep himself awake and get the other phone calls and some paperwork done before the sunrise. From Donghae he asked some simple questions – and finally at the morning, Eunhyuk was free to go sleep too, because the boy had answered all the questions well so he seemed to be okay.

Leeteuk even texted him that morning, telling that the youngster would probably sleep another twelve hours from that if he had been fine when he was awoken repeatedly, Eunhyuk didn't need to do anything else. With that information, and lots of thoughts inside his head, he went to bed and fell into a deep slumber.

 

*

 

It was just some minutes past twelve at the afternoon, when Eunhyuk was already awake. He hadn’t managed to sleep more than just five hours, then waking up somewhere around eleven. He was tired, but he couldn’t sleep anymore; his mind was off to too many things that denied his ability to fall asleep.

As like on the boy he had been checking on for the whole night. He knew he probably didn’t need to go wake him up anymore, but somehow he couldn’t let his mind rest before he was actually going there already.

He didn’t have any idea what they were going to do with him, because he was a witness, and also only eighteen years old. His parents were probably damn worried, like normal, loving parents should be. But when he thought about this thing more, he realized that their gang actually needed more members.

Could this teenager be considerable to be trained for them? Would he even be approvable? Probably not if he thought about the details.

The bed Donghae had been sleeping felt very uncomfortable when the strawberry blonde woke up. But the bigger unpleasant notice was that his head felt so freaking heavy, and he had a horrible headache. His head was spinning and he felt dazed. He didn’t remember anything from the time before he was sleeping, so finding himself in an unfamiliar bed, and room generally, was a bit shocking. Where in hell was he?

He couldn’t even manage to get up, and truthfully he didn’t even want to. His eyes were narrowed because the light hurt his eyes and made his head aching more. But suddenly he was woken up from his spacing out when he heard a cold voice, which he couldn’t recognize.

“I guess you’re not feeling very well yet”, Eunhyuk said while leaning on the doorjamb. He had his hands inside his black jeans pockets’ and he was wearing a gray dress shirt, sleeves rolled and pulled up. The boy tried to open his eyes, but in the end he just let them be closed.

“No, I’m not…” Donghae said, exhausted. He didn’t want to move a limb and at the moment he wasn’t really interested in the facts around him. Like that he was kidnapped and knocked out some half a day ago.

Eunhyuk bit the insides of his mouth and cautiously stepped closer, sitting on edge of the bed and letting his han take a light grip on the boy’s head. But until he was able to do what he was going to, Donghae flinched further and his eyes were now half open in shock.

“W-what are you doing?”

The older male sighed deep and raised his hand again.

“Don’t move, I’m just checking the wound on your head.”

Now Donghae let him take a grab of his head and turn it slightly so the man would see the scar, which had started to heal already.

“A w-wound?” Donghae was now more awake.

“Don’t you remember?”

“I don’t…at the moment. I’m too tired to think about it truthfully”, Donghae said, grunted, and felt the exhaustion take over him again.

Eunhyuk hummed and stood up – Leeteuk would look up the wound later, and do something if it was even necessary. He walked to the little bathroom which was in the room, opened a little cupboard and took a pill sheet, and filled a plastic cup with water. He walked back beside the boy then.

“Here – some painkillers”, he muttered and pressed two pills through the foil, and Donghae took them eagerly when he was able to lean on his elbow and stay upper for a little while. Eunhyuk handed the water, which was soon gone down the boy’s dry throat. The strawberry blonde barely could manage to stay up for that minute, so he decided it was better to leave him rest some more.

“You should sleep some more, the pills are anyway going to make you feel tired”, the man said and had started walking to the door already, when Donghae said silently ‘thank you’ before falling asleep almost immediately.

Eunhyuk switched over to the living room where was supposed to meet his fellow members of the Black Diamonds.


	3. Back to consciousness

When Donghae eventually woke up again, he felt a bit better than some hours before, but the migraine-like headache was still there. He opened his eyes slowly, facing the wall opposite of him, and then it hit him. This wasn’t a place he knew. He had never been in a place like this. He barely remembered the voices, when some men where in the room, and somewhere in the middle of his sleep he remembered talking with someone. Someone, who had a blond hair and a bit hoarse voice. He was sure he didn’t know these people he was able to remember.

Donghae sat up and rubbed his sleepy face, trying to figure out what was this all. He sat there long minutes and tried to remember. And slowly, he started to remember why. In his mind he saw something red, blood, and a body of a man falling down. It didn’t take too long to combine the hints when he finally understood what had happened.

If he already felt a bit better, it was immediately taken aback when the picture of a dying man repeated inside his head. Why? Why would someone kill that man? There had to be reason.

Donghae also realized that the man with a blond hair, who had given him some painkillers and water, had been the shooter. The nausea was almost making him want to throw up because the questions filled his head so quickly. Those made him think and now he knew what he was. He was an inmate. He had been witnessing something he wasn’t supposed to see, and why would someone let him walk freely after that?

He was a prisoner here, but what was his destiny? Was he supposed to be dead soon? This probably had something to do with criminals, so why would they keep him alive? Why wasn’t he dead already, anyway? Or was he? What was this place?

Donghae wasn’t afraid of dead actually. He didn’t have anything important in his life; his brother was already dead and he didn’t love his foster parents or vice versa. He didn’t have any goals and he didn’t know what to do with his life. Of course there were some things he would have wanted to experience in his lifetime, but those dreams were now pointless if he was going to die soon.

But if they had had a blueprint of killing him, why was he still alive?

After some undescended time, Donghae noticed that the door of the room he was in, wasn’t closer or locked. Why would someone be so stupid to left it open, if he wasn’t supposed to break out? Or was it intentional?

Donghae wasn’t even sure if he had ever in his life before thought this much about anything. His head was aching, not so badly as yesterday, but unpleasantly enough. And because he wanted some answers, he stood up, swaying a bit when he felt the daze again. He halted for a second so he was able to walk in a minute.

Because he didn’t know what else to do, he walked towards the door and out of the room, which seemed to be even smaller than he thought in the first place. But now he had his senses back properly, so he obviously saw everything in a different light right now. He stepped out of the room, looking around if there was anything, but no, the long corridor was empty. While walking slowly onward, he took a note of how neat and pricey everything looked. It almost looked like a hotel with all the doors and details like a silvery candlestick on a little table against the wall.

Sometimes he had to stop for a while for denying the dizziness getting bigger, but not long after he reached the bigger doorway with two open glass doors. Everything was so strange, but quite marvelous. He had never been in a house like this, which already seemed to be at least four times bigger than his own home where he had been living for the past twelve years.

The strawberry blonde, tired looking boy found himself in a wider hall where was more rooms ahead. But before he was able to otherwise, he heard tacit noises which seemed to come somewhere from his left. His curiousness took over, so he walked to the new doorway and saw a big kitchen, and a bit familiar looking male speaking to a wireless Bluetooth on his ear. He was able to recognize some words like; ‘harbor’, ‘goods’ and ‘Hong Kong’.

Donghae didn’t know what to do, so he stopped on his tracks and stared at the man in awe. The blond man didn’t even notice him before he turned around with a coffee cup on his hand, and halted on his steps too. The expressionless face wasn’t calming at all, because he had no idea what was coming.

So he hastened himself to check out the big kitchen around him. The counters were beautiful walnut wood, the cabinet doors were matte-black and all the electronics chrome. Donghae really like the way the house was designed, but it was the least of his concerns right now.

“Hey, listen. I’ll call you later today, something came up. – Yeah, alright”, the man said and hung up the call. He looked at the captured teenager and raised the coffee cup on his lips, staring at the younger questioningly – but because Donghae wasn’t able to come up with any words, he placed the cup on the kitchen island and sat down on the bar stool.

Eunhyuk was calm, and a bit amused because the boy seemed like a deer in the headlights; shocked and not able to find any right words. The call he had wasn’t anything too important, though it was, but he was able to talk about it later. He had been a bit impatient to see this boy standing on his own legs and on his senses, able to talk about the things.

“Are you ok?”

Donghae had been spacing out a little while glaring at the man with the clothes on he actually remembered from the time this man had come to wake him up. The boy crossed his arms against his chest and swallowed his saliva. He was a bit nervous, and who wouldn’t have been?

“…I guess.”

“Headache?” The man sipped his coffee again, like this all was totally ordinary for him. Though it wasn’t.

“Yes”, he started, but questions started to fill his head immediately when he was able to think straight again.

“There are some pills on the cupboard, the last door on the left. Glasses are in the third from the right”, he said, perfectly calm, and waited for the boy to cautiously take what he probably craved at this moment. After Donghae had drank enough, he sat on the bar stool on the other end of the kitchen island and put his elbows on the table. He was frowning, like thinking something very hard.

“If you’re hungry, the fridge is free for use.”

“Okay.”

Why was this man so freaking calm and not talking anything meaningful to him? It annoyed him, like he was a ghost. He wanted some answers.

“What is this?” he asked, impatient.

“What is ‘this’?” Eunhyuk asked back.

“Don’t answer with a question; I’m pretty sure you have an idea what I’m talking about”, Donghae huffed, annoyed.

“I’m not very sure either.”

Donghae scoffed, but Eunhyuk almost chuckled to that. He was actually surprised how courageous the boy was with him; who he didn’t even know – and who had been one of his kidnappers.

“What is this place? Where are we?” Donghae questioned.

“This is one of the many houses which belong to the mafia called Shiwang. And we are in Incheon now”, Eunhyuk continued to answer plainly.

“We’re in Incheon?!” Donghae stuttered a little. He lived in Seoul, so they had driven here when he was knocked out. His brains also registered that this was in fact something associated with criminals and illegality. Mafia was the lawless side of life.

And when he thought about that, he had heard about Shiwang before. Usually from the newspapers or TV, where they had been talking about the crimes or murders where they were the suspects. This couldn’t be a jest.

“T-this… Is this Shiwang’s headquarters or something…? And you… A-are you the leader?”

“You’re on the tracks, boy. Yes, Incheon”, he muttered and partly focused on the newspaper under his gaze, “This is just one of the places, but yeah, it’s the main I guess.”

Eunhyuk also snickered again.

“I’m not the leader of the whole mafia, I’m just a minor evil; I have my own group and duty here, but it’s small compared to the whole business.”

“Oh.”

The silence that followed the conversation gave time for both of them to think. Eunhyuk didn’t know yet how much he was allowed to talk with this person, who was oblivious almost to everything about Shiwang. Even if he had talked with the boss of his, he still didn’t know what he was supposed to do with this guy, though he had gotten some instructions.

Donghae’s eyes wandered around the room. The murderer he had seen the night before didn’t really fit to the image of this guy anymore.

“What’s your name?” the teenager asked, observing the male’s behavior as well as he could. He didn’t get much out of him, but at the moment he was able to discern some features. This man was calm, cool and confident; he was actually quite indifferent towards Donghae, and the older obviously didn’t seem him as a threat to him. But the latter was reserved too, which was probably just a good thing while he needed to be so sure who to trust in that wicked world of his.

“Eunhyuk”, the male said and put the white cup again down on the table. He was looking at the younger, black orbs dull but in the middle of trying to read Donghae too.

The strawberry blonde frowned.

“Is that your given name?”

“No, it’s not.”

It was annoying him how the older didn’t answer precisely to the questions. He wanted details, answers! Something that would really mean something.

“So it’s just an alias?”

“Kind of.”

Donghae exhaled heavily in frustration. He wasn’t probably getting any answers from this guy at least, even if he wanted to. Something about the man made him want to dig up all the skeletons in his closet. Those black eyes and indifferent essence made him look mysterious and secretive. There was something Donghae didn’t know about the life, and this man had the answers. When he realized where his thoughts were going on, he tried to close himself from the over-pouring questions, thoughts and assumptions before the migraine would come back like a one huge wave.

The teenager who’s strawberry blonde hair were tousled after the long sleep, remained still and glared at the man in front of him. He was annoyed, tired and curious, but Eunhyuk didn’t him a glance for a while. Until he stood up and put the coffee cup into the sink, while the boy’s eyes followed him all the way. When the blond was on the doorway, he made Donghae to turn around with his words, interested in what was going on.

“Follow me.”

And Donghae followed the man through a corridor and up to the second floor with at least ten different doors, till he had to stop before he would ram on the man ahead of him who had just stopped at the fifth door on the left. The older opened the door and stepped in, Donghae right after him.

“I was told to show your room to you”, Eunhyuk muttered and leaned on the wall, tilting his head with an unreadable expression again. Donghae looked around, puzzled at the moment.

“My room?”

The man hummed.

“Yeah. Until we know what to do with you”, Eunhyuk pointed out.

Donghae turned sideways towards him, frowning in dubiety.

“Am I going to die?” he blurted out, biting his lower lip in awe. At the moment he wasn’t sure did he want to actually know or not. If he knew, he could prepare himself for it, but did he want to know about his death?

The elder’s eyes went a bit wider, though it was obviously one of the biggest things a prisoner would think about after all he went through. He wasn’t sure how to put up with his words. He had been talking about this with Yesung and some others, but the only thing they knew, was actually the fact that they didn’t know.

“Uh – I…” He didn’t want to stammer, so he shut his mouth first, before trying again, “You sure are one to ask difficult questions…” he sighed, and for a moment the thought about killing Donghae seemed very out of place.

“Uh, I forgot”, the man muttered and turned away, changing the subject, “Here’s some clean clothes for you. And behind that door is a bathroom. You should take a shower and rest some more – and you know where’s the fridge if you’re hungry.” He was already walking through the door when he shouted one last thing. “Don’t even think about escaping, there are guards everywhere outside the house, so I kindly recommend you to stay out of trouble!”

“Thanks for letting me know! Moron…” Donghae scoffed, very dissatisfied at the moment. He let himself fall on his butt on the double sized bed and let out a heavy sigh once again. This was insane. He had gotten some tiny answers for his questions – and that man dared to leave him clueless about everything – even about that if he was going to die or not!

“For Christ’s sake…” the strawberry blonde sighed. He could just take a shower and keep continue sleeping again? At least he got some clean clothes; it didn’t matter if he got just simple grey sweatpants and a black hoodie, if he was going to stay inside the house only lord knows for how long.

Slowly he started to look around the room, and he was actually surprised once again. It was probably supposed to be some kind of a quest room, but it was big as a little apartment and it seemed to even have some little kitchen with few cabinets, sink and probably an empty fridge. Most of the walls were painted with white, but the wall with the TV storage combination had a dark grey paint, and it looked very cool. The furniture was black, as like the comfortable looking couch. He liked it, but it was somehow obvious that men where the ones who lived here.

This bed here was almost three times bigger than his own bed, and it was so much more comfy than the bed he had slept the first fifteen hours. After that all he didn’t know what to expect about the bathroom, but as assumed, it was almost as the size of his room back in Seoul. And a one pleasant surprise wasn’t left unnoticed either; a big bath tub.

Donghae didn’t waste his time for only dreaming, so in the end he ended up lazing in the tub for half an hour before he was so tired he just fell on his bed, hair still damp and was asleep sooner than he was able count to thirty.

All the questions could wait their answers a bit longer anyway.


	4. Maze

The large living room, which could easily hold fifty people inside, was now filled with approximately six persons who were comfortably talking with each other until the double doors were opened again. The discussions stopped and the pairs of eyes were landed on two men, the other one sitting down on an armchair – in the other’s eyes he looked a bit bemused and thoughtful, the other one quite normal.

Eunhyuk shifted on his chair and exhaled warily.

“Where’s Yunho?” he asked and palmed his jaw, throwing a questioning look towards his subordinates, or friends, as they all saw each other. A brown haired man, actually a year older than his leader, answered.

“He’s on the phone, he said it doesn’t take long.” The man’s name was Sungmin, and he was actually one of Eunhyuk’s closest friends in his quite wide circle. Sungmin’s expression was a bit tired, but he had this typical, tender gaze in his eyes.

“Where is he?” another male asked, giving Eunhyuk a curious look.

“Who are you talking about, Heechul?” the blond man sighed. He was suddenly so exhausted about everything.

“That boy Yesung was talking about. He was just eighteen, right? Did he wake up already?” Heechul urged, and Eunhyuk could easily see the weird glimmering in the man’s eyes. Heechul just couldn’t keep his nose out of interesting things.

“Yes.” The answer was short, because he wasn’t really interested himself to talk about this, though it was inevitable at the latest when Yunho came in.

“How was he? Scared?”

“He was –“, the blond started, but he was cut off when a tall, dark haired man dressed in dark jeans, black blazer and also a black dress shirt, waltzed in the room, a phone still on his hand.

“Sorry guys, I had to take that call— oh Hyuk you’re here too.” That man, talking in a friendly way, was actually their one true leader; most respected, trusted and the one who was behind this all. Simply just Yunho for them, but in the media and in the other mafias’ he was known as U-Know Yunho.

Shiwang was a ‘family business’, where the leadership had changed from his dad to him, when his father retired because of his age and health issues almost five years ago. Yunho had been involved in this for his whole life, and he was probably one of the richest men in South Korea, like his father.

Yunho put the cell phone on his blazer’s breast pocket and looked at the other men questioningly.

“Don’t look so bitter Eunhyuk, what is it?”

Eunhyuk placed his elbow on the armrest and leaned his cheek on his palm, looking at his boss under his eyebrows.

“You know, we have the inmate here because we, actually Yesung, made a mistake”, he muttered and got a offended ‘Hey!’ from Yesung sitting on the biggest couch with Sungmin, Heechul and a man called Ryeowook. On the other couch were Kyuhyun, Kangin, and Leeteuk, who had been the one who checked Donghae on the night before.

“I’m aware of that, Eunhyuk”, the boss sighed and rubbed his temple, “And I should scold you about that, as the evil boss I am, but what would that change… I know it was just a humane mistake, though it could have ended up as very big and displeasing one”, Yunho said, emphasizing the last few words of his sentence.

Eunhyuk knew the chance was always there, but he hated to do mistakes. Even if it wasn’t done by him, but the mistakes always stressed him out. When he was younger, he didn’t care so much.

“But you anyway managed to overtake him, so it’s fine for me. Why didn’t you kill him though, as you usually do?” the leader noted, frowning, while taking off his jacket and placing it on his arm.

“I couldn’t do that”, Yesung answered truthfully, keeping the unreadable expression on his mysterious face.

“And why is that? Are you softening or something?” Yunho joked. All the others just listened with honest interest.

“I just couldn’t! I don’t know why – so I just ended up knocking him out.”

Eunhyuk scoffed tiredly, but then stood up because he was somehow too anxious to stay on his chair, “I apologize for this”, the blond said slowly.

Yunho wasn’t the only one raising his eyebrows in surprise and in a little confusion.

“Why? It’s alright, didn’t it come clear enough already?”

“It did, but…”

“Stop it, Eunhyuk”, Yunho demanded, and the owner of the name obeyed. Eunhyuk’s head was bit too full for the moment to think anything clearly.

“So, boss… What do we do with the inmate? Do we kill him anyway?” Yesung asked, the unpleasantness clear on his face.

Their boss was standing beside the coffee table, hands in his pockets. Right, what would they do? They had already kept the inmate alive, so could they possibly benefit from it somehow? The gear of his brains was suddenly stopped when one of the members opened his mouth properly for the first time.

“Aren’t we lacking of new members? Could it be possible to train him for us? I remember Heechul said he was quite young, eighteen right? Especially our group would benefit from a new affiliate – if he’s amenable himself though”, Kyuhyun stated, his hands crossed on his lap.

“That’s not a bad idea. In that matter, train him well and treat him as an equal. I doubt anyone is against this?” Yunho looked around the others, who shook their head in acceptance. “Someone needs to be responsible of him though, who wants the duty?” he continued.

“Aren’t I already taking care of that kid”, Eunhyuk scoffed sarcastically. He actually didn’t want to start nursing anyone more than he had done already, but he probably should have kept his mouth shut about that.

“So he knows you already?”

“Obviously, because Yesung fled right away when we arrived here.”

“Good. He probably has some bond with you already so you can keep doing that, isn’t your schedule quite empty anyway?” Yunho asked, clapping his hands once together and after that putting his blazer back.

“What—No—I—“

“Yesung then can also be responsible, when he’s available. How about you, Heechul? You could show him your triumphs in how to act in a job like this.”

“But—“, Eunhyuk still tried to cut them off, to no avail.

Heechul’s eyes started to glimmer again in excitement.

“I’ll take the job”, the man, with walnut colored mid-length hair, said happily.

“Alright, it’s settled then! I have to go now.”

“I was just being sarc—“ Eunhyuk tried again, he was getting frustrated.

“I have a meeting, keep me updated with the trainee alright? See you soon!” Yunho requested and was off from the room in no time.

The blond man groaned in dissatisfaction and collapsed on the armchair again, throwing his head against the backrest. He didn’t want this, but of course ended up having to deal with this, no-one knew for how long. Even Heechul was too cheerful for Eunhyuk’s liking. He huffed and puffed, not pleased at all. He wasn’t good with people he didn’t know.

“Eunhyuk”, Leeteuk said with a soft tone.

“Yeah.”

“How was he when he woke up?”

Eunhyuk thought about the discussions he had with Donghae a few hours ago in the kitchen. The boy was indeed special, unexpectedly calm even if he had been knocked out, kidnapped and a captured in a weird house with criminals. But maybe he was hiding everything inside him. The shock and disbelieve would eventually come out.

“Still having a headache.”

“How did he act? Didn’t he ask anything?”

“He was… Calm, but a bit anxious. He did ask something about us, where were we, who I am…and is he going to die”, Eunhyuk noted.

“Brave kid”, Sungmin pointed out, curling a wisp of hair between his fingers.

“I guess”, Eunhyuk muttered and scrabbled the blond short hair of his tiredly.

“Should you go and get his stuff here, now that we know he’s going to stay?” the brunette asked when part of them had stood up for leaving.

Their leader shrugged because he was too uninterested to answer with words. This wasn’t his day at all. He had slept so poorly and all the events, conversations and questions without answers made his head ache. So right now he knew very well with what kind of feeling Donghae had to cope up with.

 

*

 

Eunhyuk had made sure that no-one was at home when he went to go grab Donghae’s belongings. He knew that the boy wouldn’t probably see his family for a long time, maybe not ever anymore. Mafia changed you, the way lived made you harder, and the cold world you fought against wasn’t something anyone wanted to hear about.

He, himself, at least didn’t have any family anymore. Eunhyuk had lived most of his life with his grandmother, who had already passed away. That person raised him, and was probably the warmest person the blond had ever known. He did miss her, but on the other hand he was glad she didn’t have to be the one to worry about him anymore. About his mother he didn’t know a shit, but his father was somewhere around and he actually met him once in a while, but their relationship wasn’t very close, it was more like formal and cold.

The man stepped out his car, a car he had borrowed from their garage because his own would stand out way too well. He slammed the door, looked around and realized that the neighborhood wasn’t very much different than the area he had grown up. The front door itself already gave him that familiar dismal feeling. He took a tool from his pocket and easily opened the door, like he was using a simple key to open it. In an area like this, no-one would really give a fuck about him, even if someone had noticed him doing something supicious.

When Eunhyuk stepped in, he noticed the quite normal looking features of the house. A lobby that started the corridor, which presumably enough led to the other rooms. The house was dimmed, and he didn’t care to put the lights on. He wasn’t going to spend his whole evening here, he was supposed to do this fast, so the blonde walked forward without taking his shoes off either.

First on the left was the living room, where was access to the kitchen, it seemed. Eunhyuk walked forward and looked into every single room, and after three rooms later he stopped at the room that seemed to belong to the teenager.

It wasn’t anything special for that young male. There were some clothes scattered here and there, a single bed, table, dresser and a wardrobe. Though it seemed that the boy had had this room for years, it didn’t look very personal. The room was plain, but there still were some details that told him that it was indeed Donghae’s; like the clothes he found and tucked in the bag he had, a laptop and some photographs above the dresser.

In the first picture, there was a couple in their early thirties and two little boys, a child who most likely wasn’t in school yet and another little bit older. He did recognize Donghae from it though, but also the other boy in the picture seemed familiar. So familiar, it gave Eunhyuk cold shivers and an agonized feeling.

The male swallowed his saliva and looked at the other picture, where the features of the boys were even more identifiable… And he just stared at it. The thoughts flooded on his head like a deluge.

What the fuck was this? He had to be imagining things!

He bit his lower lip painfully and eventually tucked the two photo frames inside the bag. But there was still a single framed picture on Donghae’s desk. And he couldn’t believe his eyes or want to really accept the all questions filling his head. The questions from the night they had captured Donghae, from the time they were looking at the boy’s ID, mixed his mind even more. Now he understood why the boy seemed so familiar to him.

Because he reminded him of Donghwa.

But how where they related? Just friends – or was the age gap a bit weird for friends? Where they related by blood, like cousins? Or brothers…? Something else?

If they were, why hadn’t he ever heard about Donghae before? He had known Donghwa for almost five years before he…

Eunhyuk clenched his fists and took the picture anyway, because it seemed important enough for Donghae to keep it at his desk. He didn’t want to think about this really, it was a bit too much for him so suddenly. In a fast pace he took some other stuff that seemed important for Donghae, even a little plushie that he eventually recognized as a weird fish. In an under ten minutes he exited from Donghae’s room.

But about Donghwa, who had been his friend, best friend actually, he recalled the fact that the people he used to live with weren’t his biological parents, but foster parents who had adopted him after his parents had died in a car accident. So if they were brothers, it was the same for Donghae then… Abusive foster parents who had hit Donghwa in the past.

Eunhyuk couldn’t stop himself from checking out also the kitchen and the living room. He wanted to have some kind of opinion about the place, and the people Donghae lived with. And in the kitchen he took a note of the many bottles that had had alcohol in them before. He inhaled heavily, trying to shake away the questions inside his head.

The man took the bag with him, closed the door which didn’t give a hint for him visiting there, and packed himself inside his car and started the car’s engine driving away in a mental haze.


	5. Welcome aboard

The new day had already started and it was nearing twelve on the afternoon, and Eunhyuk himself had woken up some two hours ago and was now drinking his third serve of coffee in the kitchen.

The night before had been quite full, while he had to meet and supply some goods for a client all way to Seoul again. There hadn’t been any problems truthfully, but the client also wanted to start a new contract with them, which included some opium supplies beside the cocaine they already traded for them. It had been very usual night for him, though quite quiet; sometimes he might have had several different clients in the same night.

Eunhyuk’s mind had calmed a little while doing the task, but this morning the issue that had bothered him yesterday didn’t leave him thoughtless even though he tried hard to make them leave him alone. When the afternoon had eventually flown into the day, Eunhyuk stood up and decided to go wake up Donghae, who he hadn’t seen since yesterday at all. Was that kid really still sleeping? Probably Yesung had hit him a bit too hard so he in fact needed that sleep, but damn, it was already day and half ago. The boy had gotten enough sleep in his opinion, so it didn’t took long before he was already at the door which now belonged to the strawberry blonde. He then knocked on the door, but because he didn’t hear a thing from inside, he carelessly opened the door and let it flew wide open.

And the sight didn’t really surprise him, because the newcomer was still tangled on his white sheets, fast asleep and light snoring audible for him. Eunhyuk rolled his eyes and let his eyes observe the boy, who had his face hidden in the pillows and only his back dressed in a grey tank top visible for him to see. He was almost envious about the sleeping skills Donghae obviously had.

The blond male grabbed the bag from the hallway and placed it inside the room in front of the wardrobe after he had gotten enough of the sight of sleeping Donghae. He took some steps back towards the doorway and leaned against the wall, trying to think a way to wake up the snorer. At first, he tried some simple ‘wake up’s and shoulder shakings, but it was useless even after several minutes; so Eunhyuk walked in the bathroom and took a glass placed over the sink and filled it with cold water.

When he got back, he plainly poured it over the sleeping boy.

“Lee Donghae! You better wake up right now before I slaughter you with my bare hands!” he bawled, and when the boy hurriedly climbed off the bed, shocked and in gasping for air in awe, an evil smirk formed on the man’s lips.

Donghae was shaken and now totally awake. The light brown hair stuck against his damp face and dripping the water all around. He stroked the hair away from his face, sliding them against his forehead and looking at the older male, very, very speechless.

“What the fuck was that for!” he eventually inquired, still mostly just shocked because his brains were trying to adjust the sudden events. He stood there, only dressed in his boxers and the tank top which was now soaked, in front of Eunhyuk who was standing there snickering silently to himself.

“It was for getting you up. This is not a free boarding house, so it was about the time to get your fat ass up from the bed”, Eunhyuk said simply, leaning his head a bit on the left side, “I tried to stir you up, but you didn’t even grunt for that.”

“It still doesn’t give you the rights to drench me for waking me up!” Donghae snarled, clearly annoyed.

“Set an alarm for the next time then.”

“Jerk.”

“Shuss. Now get yourself together and come into the kitchen when you’re ready”, the man said expressionlessly. Donghae didn’t stop glaring at him. “I got your stuff here, by the way”, he muttered and pointed out the black travelling bag behind Donghae, index finger doing lazy circles towards it.

The younger turned around, to check if it was actually true.

“My stuff?”

“Your stuff”, he repeated, just to irritate the teenager more, who had anyway grabbed the bag and placed it on his bed. He opened the zipper and discerned that those were indeed his stuff. Clothes, laptop – even his fish. He smiled amusedly to the fish, but didn’t take it out yet, because the confusion took over.

“How did you…”

“How did I get them? I just walked in and took them.”

Donghae widened his eyes.

“Did you break in?! Didn’t my... Did someone see you in there?!” the shocked boy asked in a fast pace, but Eunhyuk just shrugged to it.

“No, I made sure there wasn’t anyone. And I didn’t just throw myself through the door, I had a tool for it so no-one would ever notice I was even visiting there”, the blond man chuckled and had walked to the door, leaning now on the doorjamb hands crossed over his chest.

“Why?”

The mafia leader frowned.

“What ‘why’? Don’t you need clothes or something?”

“No—I mean yes!—But aren’t you going to…kill me?” Donghae asked with a lower voice, now a bit of fear sounding through his morning-raspy voice. Eunhyuk didn’t answer, and honestly, Donghae wasn’t sure did he even not expect that. The man had already avoided the subject so many times, so he had already started to believe he was really going to die. Maybe the man just didn’t want him to know, maybe it was easier to take if you didn’t know about that.

“Put some clothes on and come to the kitchen. We’ll talk then”, Eunhyuk then noted, and Donghae didn’t even nod, but Eunhyuk knew better that he wouldn’t disobey him in that. Because who said he wouldn’t get any answers then? He left the room, scoffed by himself and went to order two of his friends there too.

 

*

 

Even though Eunhyuk had told Donghae to just put some clothes on, he decided to take a warm shower fast before going out. He was irritated because of the wake-up he had, and wanted to feel at least a bit better. Fresh from shower, he put some of his own clothes on – slim black jeans and a dark grey college hoodie with a print on the front.

On the way to the kitchen he put a ponytail on the back of his head, fastening the strawberry blonde, a bit after-shower-wary wisps of his. He had his hands crossed on his chest tightly when he was getting closer to the kitchen, but he stopped for a moment when he heard some voices from there. Two different voices, and none of them belonged to Eunhyuk. Donghae felt suddenly a bit more nervous, but he still kept going and soon the two pairs of eyes were all over him.

“Oh, it’s you! Finally I’m able to see this little… Ah, why he’s so irresistible?!”

“Calm your tits, Heechul, would you…” a pitch-black haired, and eyed, man said in a low voice, taking a long sip of his drink which was most likely coffee concluding from the smell that hovered in the kitchen.

“But isn’t he such a gorgeous little creature, Yesungie! Look at those big, watery eyes – and even that ponytail!” Heechul shouted joyfully in perfect English, with an actual British accent, and Donghae needed to bit his lip from bursting out of laughter, because, it sounded hilarious.

“…sometimes I think he got some post-traumatic stress disorder after he moved back to Korea”, the male who had this weird, but not scaring, dark aura, deadpanned while looking straight into Donghae’s eyes. The youngest wasn’t sure was he allowed to be amused while he didn’t know these men at all. Though he dimly remembered that man from the night he was captured here.

“What’s your name, sweetie?” the male, who had mahogany colored hair, blinked his big, cat-like eyes and tilted his head in extreme curiousness.

“D…Donghae. Lee Donghae”, the teenager said, stammering a bit because everything felt so out of place. Why these men treated him so…nicely, if you would say so? The man which was assumedly called as Heechul, narrowed his dark eyes and turned his eyes towards Yesung.

“Doesn’t that name sound somehow familiar?” Heechul said in a lower voice, almost whispering, but Donghae heard that anyway. Yesung looked at the other male, then Donghae for a good while.

“I don’t know. Maybe? I’ve met thousands of Lees anyway, how could I be sure about anyone anymore…” Yesung hummed and focused back on his coffee again, deserving a scoff from the man sitting on the stool next to him.

Donghae twitched anxiously on his place, still standing and arms on his chest, like trying to secure himself somehow. But Heechul turned his gaze back to him and he felt again so naked under his intense stare. Anyway the male, dressed in loose, dark navy blue shirt, gestured him to sit down.

“Sit down, Donghae. I’m Heechul by the way, though I guess it came clear already… This here is Yesung”, Heechul stated, “Ah! You must be hungry? Have you even eaten anything? These rotten pieces of men probably hadn’t even feed you. So please help yourself and get something to eat, because no-one is going to serve you anyway.”

“Oh-kay”, Donghae muttered and slowly moved beside the counter, where were some kimchi fried rice and some bread free to be taken. He took the bowl on the table and soon he sat down on a stool, his stomach already grumping in hunger he was able to notice just now. He started to eat and hummed in stomach-filling pleasure. He ate in weird silence, when at the same the other two focused either on their coffees or like Heechul, his smart phone. Donghae had filled his stomach already, throwing glances towards the men who seemed to be so relaxed and easy in this situation.

“Where’s—“, Donghae started, but the answer for his questions came already when Eunhyuk stepped in the kitchen behind him and went to pour some coffee for himself, the fifth cup of the day. The blond bustled something excessive before he spoke and immediately the other three were paying attention towards him.

“Are you awake enough to listen?” Eunhyuk stated, and Donghae felt flustered. Obviously that idiot was referring to the not-so-nice wake-up of his. Heechul quirked and eyebrow behind his coffee cup, but Donghae couldn’t look at him at the moment, so he just kept throwing murderous glances towards the ‘leader’ of the group.

“Yes, sir”, Donghae scoffed in an annoyed tone, and Heechul snickered to himself.

Eunhyuk scoffed back and leaned his back against the counter, keeping enough distance between the teenager who hadn’t forgiven him about the accident happened just half an hour ago.

“So, I guess you know why you’re here”, Eunhyuk muttered and raised his eyebrows a little, questioningly.

Donghae gulped. Here it was, the fate of his. He was probably going to die, he had already kind of taken the fact, though he almost felt himself trembling. Was this it? Would they kill him after all? They had taken him here; treated him; fed him; introduced themselves to him. He hadn’t anything to live for, though. He was scared of what the feeling of dying was; what was it like to when your heart stopped beating and everything ended? Donghae tried to recoup himself to answer something.

“I… I saw… That you killed a man.”

“Yeah”, Eunhyuk hummed like it was daylight-clear to all of them. The silence after that was eating Donghae alive, though.

“Aren’t you…going to kill me? I-I saw everything, aren’t you afraid I’ll tell someone?” he stammered a little, he was so strained and anxious it was making him feel dizzy.

“You aren’t going to tell anyone, are you?” Heechul asked and gave Donghae a meaningful look. Donghae didn’t answer, but he shook his head vigorously.

“We actually planned something else for you”, Yesung was the one talking now, and Donghae looked at him with wide eyes, not understanding what was happening.

“L-like…?”

“You aren’t going to die, Donghae. We have no intention to kill you”, the blonde man said a bit more softly, but focusing his gaze somewhere in to the void, like he had something in his mind that might have something to do with this, but not directly, maybe. It was a look Donghae hadn’t seen before. “But there’s a condition, which I think you prefer more than dying”, Eunhyuk continued and lowered his head this time, and inhaled slowly.

“You have to join us”, Yesung pointed the fact. Somehow, Donghae wasn’t so surprised. Either they were going to kill him, or they could benefit from him somehow. And he was glad enough with these options, but Eunhyuk started talking again before he answered.

“This isn’t a lifestyle for anyone. This isn’t easy. You’re going to face things you haven’t even thought about before. In a mafia, everyday might be your last. If you decide to join, you have to give your all for this. You can’t do this half-heartedly and do as you want. It’s like making a contract with the devil; you get something good, but your also losing something, probably even big things that might mean much for someone. So what is your answer?”

Was this finally a new turn in his life? Could he finally left his past behind and start anew? Donghae didn’t hesitate for a second.

“I will make the contract with the devil.”

Eunhyuk smirked, but his eyes were smiling – and he wasn’t the only one.

“Ah, I really like your attitude already!” Heechul cheered and stood up to tousle Donghae’s strawberry blonde hair all mixed up. “You will be trained with experienced people. We’ll take care of you”, Heechul purred.

“Welcome aboard, kid.”


	6. Black Diamonds

Donghae’s life had been totally meaningless for all the years; everyday he woke up with a feeling he didn’t belong anywhere. Somehow he didn’t fade in with people at school, and he always felt himself as an outsider with everything. Donghae couldn’t even read well because of his dyslexia that messed up with the words and letters he tried to read so his school grades were always dropping. If he couldn’t read well, it was useless to think about to going to University or even College, where he certainly would have had to read even more to keep up with the others.

He didn’t have a direction where to go. But now, even if everything was just the beginning, he had the feeling he might have just found a new path – and of course, he didn’t even have another choice. He wasn’t sure what the others thought about him, or did they even like him, but he wasn’t sure did he care at all. At least the three men had been quite nice, even though one of them obviously liked to harass him. Maybe it was because he was young and new, and in fact it didn’t bother him that much yet. The eighteen years old decided to try his best at this and gain his co-workers respect and trust someday.

Donghae was still sitting on the chair at the table, with the three men he just had got to known by their names. Everything else about them was still in the shadows, and it probably would take some time to know more. He let his gaze wander around the kitchen and the people there, having already some opinions about everyone, but the blond man he had seen the most, was still somehow hard to understand. He couldn’t read him, because he seemed to be the most withdrawn and discordant. Maybe not with the people he knew better, but Donghae almost had a feeling the male tried to keep a distance with him. Most likely it had something to do with the fact he was in fact a total stranger to them, but even Yesung seemed to be relaxed with his presence in some way. Maybe it was because Eunhyuk was the leader of them, and he wanted to keep that coherent role with everyone?

“So, Donghae. Honestly, how much do you know about Shiwang?” the blond suddenly asked and leered at the younger with his dark brown, single-lidded orbs. In that moment he realized that Eunhyuk was actually really attractive, not only because of his looks but also because of his attitude; confident, calm, but still easy-going enough to be judged as a person who didn’t over-do it. Not to mention about that snarky side of his.

Even though he had disliked the way he got soaked for the first thing in the morning, he liked people he was able argue with. That gave him the feeling of equality; Eunhyuk was probably much older than him – and not at least his leader and also a person he should have given his respect – still he chaffed him like there was no difference between them.

The strawberry blonde lowered his gaze and scratched his neck, trying to really think did he know anything about this mafia. But honestly, he didn’t know a damn about them. In his opinion it was most likely just a good thing, because if people knew too much they would have been deep in shit with police at least.

“Honestly, I don’t know anything about you”, he muttered and moved his restless eyes between the men, “I might have seen some news but there hadn’t been anything meaningful…”

“That’s what we’re trying to do, keep our asses out of the news as much as possible. Even if something had been actually done by us, we’re usually able to get the blames on someone else in time”, Heechul told while leaning on his arm and giving a glance towards his fellows.

“Heechul is right. As less everyone know about us, the better. Of course police is always after us, but in a while there haven’t been any unpleasant incidents”, Eunhyuk murmured in his coffee cup, but put it soon down on the counter to continue. “We are South Korea’s biggest mafia at the moment, but our main rival Xiezhi isn’t much behind us. While Shiwang and its sub-gangs are mainly spread out around Seoul and its neighbouring municipalities, the cities between Mokpo and Busan are mostly belonging to Xiezhi’s territory. Of course Shiwang has smaller groups operating around there too, but the difference is distinct.”

Donghae listened to carefully everything the man was telling him, because he knew it was important. And it was also interesting.

“I lead the branch called Black Diamonds that takes care about the drug dealing here in Incheon and Seoul, and we also do a lot of cargo transport with China, because Incheon is certainly the nexus of the import and export. Mostly cocaine and opium, but also many others. Gun trafficking is another of our priorities, as well as some dirtier jobs – Shiwang has lots of connections with different politicians, industries and other remarkable people, so when something goes wrong, few of our contract killers goes and does the justice…” the blond explained plainly.

The youngest had been furrowing his brows thoughtfully while listening. He really tried to suck all of the important inside his head. Donghae then shifted on his stool and leaned his head a bit on the other side.

“You’re also one of the contract killers?” the boy asked, biting his lower lip. It might have been obvious, but he just wanted to be sure.

Eunhyuk pursed his lips minimally.

“Sometimes, but usually Sungmin and Heechul do things like that”, Eunhyuk said, something darker beaming behind his gist.

Donghae raised his eyebrows in surprise, but Heechul just grinned to him widely.

“He might be the leader but he’s not that fond of with killing people”, the man opposite to Donghae said, caressing the edge of his coffee cup with his index finger. Donghae took a note of the blond lowering his head and twitching almost imperceptibly on his place. He wondered what that was about, but Eunhyuk had already thrown a meaningful glance towards his subordinate, who shut his mouth to not to say anything else and piss off his leader. An awkward silence lasted few minutes, until walked closer to the kitchen island and leaned on with his hands.

“You are now part of Black Diamonds and we’re supposed to start training you as soon as possible. We three are the people you’re going to spend a lot of time for some months at least. Yesung is one of our best gun handlers and snipers, and he also has much to do with the gun trafficking while he’s the real specialist on that field. Heechul is a contract killer as said, but he has plenty of work with the politicians. He’s good at acting and he’s going to show you some general things about working for us; how you’re supposed to act with people and so on... The people we’re dealing with are never honest or trustable. You have to know some things or you end up being killed when you do your first mistake”, the blond explained and emitted a stare towards the youngest, who’s head was probably on the edge of flooding over with all this information.

“…As for me, I’m the one who drags you along to the tasks, to watch and learn. And to teach everything else if there’s no-one else more skillful.”

Donghae nodded slowly. All the information felt so much at the moment but he tried to swallow it all.

“So you’re his new partner in crime, Donghae”, Heechul teased cheerfully. Eunhyuk glanced at him again, but didn’t say anything to it, but he defined the question in Donghae’s head.

“We don’t usually do tasks alone because it’s too risky. Always at least two, usually from three to fifteen people depending on the job we have. There’s always a chance for hoaxing and ambushing, if the others want to play it dirty…”

The teenager didn’t know what to say, so he staid quiet, only nodding for an answer.

“Isn’t this enough for a first lecture, Hyuk? Let’s go check the shooting range!” Yesung pointed out and stood up impatiently. Eunhyuk smiled shortly and followed the raven haired man, who was already going out.

“Yeah, let’s go to see your beloved shooting range…”

“You have your own shooting range?” Donghae asked curiously.

“Sure. But don’t even think about I’m letting you shoot today”, the leader snickered, which caused Donghae scoffing to him.

“Says a leader who wakes people up by pouring water over them”, the youngest muttered and walked pass him to walk beside Yesung and ask some questions about the things he was responsible. They walked to the lobby and took their shoes, Donghae also found his own there, and exited themselves into the breezy weather. The shooting range was on the left side of the mansion, some few hundred meters away. The little building was just for the entrance, the real range was underground.

 

*

 

Eunhyuk walked some meters behind Yesung and Donghae, sighing. He wasn’t sure how was he going to manage with that kid. Soon Heechul appeared on his right side, and they both looked at the boy ahead of them. Heechul was pretty sure he knew what Eunhyuk was thinking at the moment.

“He reminds me of a certain someone”, Heechul implied eventually. The leader bit his lower lip, clenching his fists.

“I… I found something”, Eunhyuk almost whispered.

“What did you find?”

“You know, the night we took him with us I already had this feeling when I heard his name.”

“And?”

“Then I found pictures when I went to take Donghae’s stuff.”

Heechul furrowed his eyebrows.

“I… I have a feeling they’re brothers”, Eunhyuk breathed heavily, but expression still the same.

“What?! He never said he has any siblings… Why didn’t he tell us!” Heechul bawled in disbelief and confusion.

“On the photos they were still a complete family… I guess…he wanted to keep Donghae out of this, and… I’m not surprised. He probably didn’t want to be a bad role model for him or something. He was anyway five years older.”

“Oh my god, I didn’t expect this.”

“I think Donghae doesn’t really know his brother was one of us… He would have asked more questions if he did know…” Eunhyuk murmured, thoughtful.

“Weren’t Donghwa’s foster parents violent…?” Heechul asked after a short silence.

“Yes… And the other one of Donghae’s parents seemed to drink a lot of alcohol, I saw all the bottles, so I don't doubt lest it wasn't the same for him.”

“Maybe that’s why he didn’t protest at all. I thought it was a bit odd he stayed so easily and wasn’t…scared, like people usually are.”

“Who wants to go back ‘home’ where the people aren’t really your parents, you’ve lost your brother and you’re alone against the people who abuse you…” Eunhyuk said in a low voice, barely audibly and anyway mostly to just think out loud, but Heechul heard that anyway.

“No-one.”

They didn’t say anything else until they arrived into the shooting range building and walked down the stairway that ended into a corridor that lead them into the hall. It wasn’t huge, but big enough to make Donghae gaping there, amazed.

“Never been in a shooting range?” Yesung asked and smiled shortly. There were almost ten places to shoot for different people, and huge locked weapons locker. The black haired man took a key from his pocket and opened the grey metal locker, which exposed probably dozens of different guns, bigger and smaller. Even the locker was almost half of the wall’s size. Donghae shook his head and let his brown eyes wander at them in awe.

“There are guns from Glock 17 to AK-47 and even more. Some of them are just for fun, though”, Yesung noted and took a bigger submachine gun out of the locker.

“Isn’t that your favorite?” Heechul asked and leaned against a wide table, arms crossed on his chest, almost mocking expression on his face. A big grin grew on Yesung’s face.

“Oh, yes. This is Heckler & Koch MP5, a model with integrated suppressor… Very, very handy in my opinion.”

Heechul rolled his eyes but let his friend babble in peace.

“I like the AS50”, the man sighed. Yesung turned to look at him and put his dear MP5 back into the locker.

“But you’re a contract killer anyway”, Yesung huffed in annoyance. He could be pretty biased when it came to the guns.

“Hey guys, let’s go forward, we’re not shooting today anyway”, Eunhyuk muttered and turned already towards the stairs.

The youngest was bewildered with the all new things he had to face today.

“Oh yeah”, Heechul said in savor, gesturing Donghae to follow them.

“Pch, you and your toys!” Yesung scoffed, but went after them anyway.

“You have the same problem with your toys, Yesung.”

 

*

 

Their destination was the garage on the other side of the big, white mansion that was more western-styled from the outside. It was like a beautiful house straight from Los Angeles or something, and Donghae just realized how big it really was. The yard was enormous, at least the size of a one football field. The garage already loomed on their sight and the teenager could only imagine what was inside of that.

Eunhyuk walked lazily behind the three others, fingers dunked inside his pockets. He tried not to, but it was almost impossible to not to stare at the boy, who reminded him of a certain person so much. They were not the same of course, but somehow was so flaming clear that those two males in his mind couldn't be nothing else but blood related. Most likely brothers.

Donghae’s hand gestures, the way his body moved and even his walking style reminded Eunhyuk of Donghwa, who indeed was his best friend before the sudden events that led to his death… Nonetheless this teenager was still altogether different person from Donghwa. Maybe Donghae reminded him more of the teenager-aged Donghwa anyway.

This strawberry blonde seemed to be more open than his brother, and the little sparkle in his eyes was something special. Still it made the leader feel agonized, because all the contradictory feelings crushed his heart so tightly.

What would he do then when Donghae realized the truth of everything? The fact that Donghwa was part of them, and died because of it? And because he was there, when he died. Would Donghae blame him like the blonde already blamed himself? Would it change everything?

“Stop the pointless worrying already, Eunhyuk”, Heechul muttered suddenly. Eunhyuk turned his dark, almost black orbs towards the guy and looked at him drearily. He exhaled unhappily and looked over the boy who’s moving looked more like waltzing than proper walking.

“I understand it hurts to see an important person in him, who anyway isn’t him, but you have to stop seeing his brother in him. He isn’t him. You have to treat him as an original, not as a broken copy”, Heechul continued, still silently enough for only Eunhyuk to hear him.

Heechul’s leader glanced at the sky, really hoping that he could change his mindset that easily.

“In this matter, you should forget him.”

Eunhyuk glared at him spicily.

“I don’t mean you should forget all about him, but forget him in Donghae. You have to learn to see only Donghae or everything is going to get fucked up. It’s been two years”, Heechul pointed and shut his mouth. He knew it wasn’t easy to see a friend again who was already passed away in reality. But when someone suddenly reminded you about the things you lost, you started to crave for them again. And it wasn’t for good. You couldn’t get back something you had already let free.

Eunhyuk swallowed the nil saliva in his mouth and closed his eyes for mere few seconds. He knew Heechul was right. But it was so freaking depressing when all the memories were running back, even though he tried to push them back in where they were coming from.

“I know… I know.”


	7. Beast inside the beauty

Eunhyuk tried to forget all the bothering thought inside his head when he took an electronic key from his pocket and clicked it. Soon the big metallic door of the garage rose up to reveal the huge amount of square meters filled with shiny, expensive and luxurious cars. The blond man stepped inside with a smirk on his face, followed by his underlings.

Only the three of them looked quite normal, but the youngest was a bit taken aback when he saw all the cars and few motorcycles in there. Donghae gasped but shut his mouth soon, focusing to eye the vehicles in high curiosity. The leader and Heechul looked at Donghae and grinned to each other. The boy was so amazed it was amusing.

“Surprised?” Eunhyuk asked and leaned against a black Lamborghini that shined so brightly it looked brand new and expensive as hell. Donghae’s eyes moved to gaze the car behind the man and the boy just gapped there speechless. He didn’t want to say anything stupid, but he just had to let something out or he was going to die breathless.

“Amazing”, he mouthed, barely audibly to anyone, “I-is that yours?” Donghae asked eyes sparkling like never before. The man in front of him just laughed heartily and caressed the black metal under his fingers.

“Definitely.”

“Why…why so many cars?” the boy asked and walked around the cars. Behind the pricey cars were some more ‘normal’ looking cars; like ordinary Kias, Hyundais, SsangYongs… Some of them actually had some puckers and bullet holes.

“Most of them are just to use for working, the regulars I mean… But these beauties are our personal cars, some of us have more than one. That’s also mine”, Eunhyuk muttered and pointed out a brand new, marble white Hyundai Genesis that was his too.

“You left a one very cardinal fact out”, Heechul huffed with a stupid grin.

“Oh”, the blond muttered, “Yeah, some of us drift too.”

“Not to mention you were almost the new champion title owner if that dickhead wouldn’t had done some shamming with your car”, the cat-eyed male said.

Donghae was staring at the black beast again and he felt some weird churning inside him. He was totally mesmerized. He had a driver license, yes, but he didn’t even own a car.

“H-how do you do that?” he almost stammered, but raised his gaze on to blond haired man, standing lazily beside his car. The man looked at him back and raised a brow questioningly.

“Do what?”

“Drift…?”

Eunhyuk chuckled amusedly.

“Do you even have driver license yet, kid?”

Donghae scoffed.

“Of course I do, I’m not that dumb as you think I am.”

Eunhyuk inhaled heavily and his eyes dulled like he was thinking about something from long time ago.

“It’s a driving technique where you have to intentionally over-steer the car, which causes a loss of traction in the rear wheels through corners, while retaining the control of the car and the exit speed. It’s not easy, it’s illegal, and dangerous if you’re bad driver.”

“He almost died four months ago when on a race that one brat sabotaged his car. Wasn’t he actually from Xiezhi?” Yesung finally participated on the conversation and tilted his head like trying to remember who that mischief-maker was.

Donghae stared at the man tapping the electric key against his lips. His gaze was thoroughly, like trying to find some evidence about all the secrets he had. And this was just a little part of the all he had.

“You’re just crazy for doing that”, Heechul scoffed.

“But it’s almost like an addiction… I can’t stop”, Eunhyuk smirked shortly, like mocking himself with his words.

“Doesn’t sound any better than drugs.”

“At least that’s something I don’t do.”

 

*

 

The next day, Donghae had been woken up by Eunhyuk again, but this time with no water because he was almost immediately up when he heard the first words coming through his sleep. Probably the trauma from last time got him on alert, so he was up way more faster than the day before. And because of that he got the older male laughing at him, but it was better than to wake up all soaked.

His leader told him to dress up with loose clothes and get ready because he was going to have a practice with Heechul and a member called Sungmin he yet didn’t know. Donghae only nodded and the man who had a gummy smile that he was able to notice just now, left while telling he was going to return at evening.

Donghae didn’t take a shower yet, because the practice sounded like something sweaty so he only dressed with sweat pants and black tank top after taking a look at the window, and seeing it was a day without a single sight of clouds and the September sun was shining brightly and warmly. He assumed it was going to be quite hot when the sun had risen fully. The strawberry blonde tied his hair, and was ready to face the first real day as a part of the mafia.

He stopped at the kitchen to grab some water to drink, and to find that there wasn’t anyone with him – but soon he heard some talking coming from the living room. Donghae drank his glass empty, and strolled to the room next to the kitchen to meet Heechul and the new face.

Heechul greeted him with a wide smile and the youngest bowed slightly to the older men. Sungmin smiled as brightly as the other. He was just merely taller than Donghae, but seemed older, probably the same age as the others he already knew. Donghae knew immediately he’d learn to like the man very much; that friendly and warm Sungmin seemed to be, and nothing proved his thoughts wrong.

“Hello! I’m Sungmin. You must be Donghae”, the man said and hurled his hands together impatiently. “It’s nice to see some new faces here.”

The boy nodded and smiled back, curious to know about what they were going to do today. Heechul placed his hands on his hips and smirked.

“Did Hyuk tell you what we are going to do today?”

“He only said ‘practice’”, Donghae answered and turned his eyes between the males, who also had some more relaxed clothes which were suitable for something physical.

Sungmin nodded vigorously and waved his hand to tell the others to follow him.

“That’s right! Let’s go downstairs. We’re going to show you some self-defense today.”

“Sungmin is actually ‘the master of martial arts’ here”, Heechul smiled shortly. Donghae was a bit surprised; they were really starting to train him immediately – not that he minded, he was determined to learn new things.

“Oh, cool”, the youngest said breathily, “I’ve never done those though. I’ve only danced as a sport…” he muttered a bit embarrassed, but the two didn’t seem to see that as a bad thing.

“The fact that you have danced is only helping you to learn these things! It’s about your reflexes and mobility anyway, so don’t worry”, Sungmin encouraged.

They took a stairs down, where was a short corridor and on its end was a door to a room where was a mirror wall and soft carpet on the whole floor.

“Gosh, you have everything in here”, Donghae gaped. On the right side of the room was another door, where was a sign ‘gym’, so they obviously had their own gym too.

“Yes, our bosses don’t want to spare with our contentment, so we have almost everything thinkable here”, Sungmin chuckled and moved in the middle of the room.

They did some light stretching before so they wouldn’t end up with sprains and sore muscles, until they were ready to start.

“So, let’s take a look do your reflexes know anything about self-defense”, he continued and grinned, teeth showing.

“Don’t be too rough Sungmin”, Heechul laughed and went to stand a bit further from them.

Donghae gulped nervously, positioning his right left slightly more forward and took a robust position.

“Alright. You ready? I’ll start slowly.”

“…I guess”, Donghae muttered and grimaced anxiously.

“You don’t need to worry I’m not going to knock you down!” Sungmin laughed.

But under ten seconds after Sungmin started, Donghae was down own the ground on his back. He gasped in surprise, because it all happened so fast and he really wasn’t expecting that. What Sungmin did, was a simple ‘bear-hug’ by grapping his hands around Donghae’s middle body and pushing him down. Heechul laughed loudly and the youngest felt embarrassed. He had just frozen when Sungmin grabbed him.

“Didn’t you just say you’re not going to do that?” Heechul howled in laughter and the martial arts expert straightened his hand for the boy who took it eagerly, and with Sungmin’s help pulled himself up. Donghae took a few breathes and smiled awkwardly.

“Sorry, I guess I was anyway too harsh on you.”

“I-it’s okay, it just… It was so sudden I couldn’t think”, Donghae muttered and scratched his neck. Sungmin laughed shortly too, and hushed the strawberry blond by his hand gesture.

“Okay, let’s take it easy. I’ll do it by slow-motion, and you try to get me off of you, okay?”

Donghae nodded, and they tried again. Sungmin did the exact same, but Donghae didn’t find a proper way to get him off of him. The man freed himself from the younger.

“Heechul, come here, let’s show him this technique. It’s actually very simple; you don’t even need much strength, though it depends on the opponent. All of the people on the streets don’t know much about actual self-defense. They just know how to end up in a painful mess. Heechul, I’ll hold you the same way – you get me off.”

And the slightly smaller man grabbed his hands around Heechul, while Donghae watched. It took just five seconds, and Sungmin was on the ground. Heechul had taken a light hold of the man’s face, just to show, around the nose with his left hand and pulled it backwards, so Sungmin’s head should turn painfully on the wrong way. There, it was easy to just to push the man down. Donghae looked at this his mouth open understanding the simple technique when the fallen stood back up.

“Ah, I think I get it now!” Donghae said hopefully.

Heechul took his previous place and crossed his hands against his chest. The brown haired man smiled.

“Good. Usually you might try to grab the attackers hands first, because they are the ‘thing’ that are holding you. But if you just take a grip on the nose and turn on the ‘wrong’ way, it hurts enough to get the attacker off. Nose is easily broken and of course it’s hurts even if you’re a bold thug. And if the situation is bad, it might be wise to punch him straight to the face few times before.”

Donghae nodded, agreeing.

“Again”, Sungmin said determinedly.

They went on and on for good one hour and half, and Donghae started to learn which things were handy on a fight. Sungmin didn’t teach him anything too complicated, because the fights they usually got into didn’t have any rules. It was just about survival, and the fastest and easiest ways to get over the neck were usually the best. On a contact combat it was safest to get the attacker under your control with simple techniques without getting exhausted to death. And for them, it was always most important to protect yourself and your fellows; they didn’t want unnecessary loss of people. They didn’t want to lose anyone for nothing.

When Sungmin had taught Donghae mostly just defense, Heechul taught him more about the tactical things. But it was just the beginning, so the youngest caught just a few about how to use your body best as a weapon.

After almost two sweaty hours, Donghae laid on the floor trying to catch his breath. His body was exhausted and he just wanted to take a long, relaxing bath right now. He was going to learn more in the future, today the men had taught him just the most useful and life-saving tricks. It was a good start.

Sungmin was also panting, though he seemed to recover faster than Donghae, which wasn’t a surprise. Heechul was barely even sweaty, though he hadn’t even done much.

“Uh-huh, it’s enough for today. Good start, Hae. Don’t forget these, they can save your life someday”, Sungmin said and grabbed a water bottle from the floor next to the wall.

“Thanks for teaching me…” Donghae breathed, sitting up and stretching his neck and upper arms. He did notice the nickname the brown haired man had given him, and he wasn’t offended, more like happy because the others seemed to want to befriend him.

“Not a problem. If you ever want to ask something, learn something or just talk, just go ahead. We are your comrades anyway”, Sungmin said smiling, “The gym is by the way for anyone to use at any time.”

The strawberry blonde nodded.

“Maybe not today”, he grinned, “Right now I’m craving for shower…” he muttered and finally stood up. His legs felt like a jelly.

On their way back to the upstairs, Donghae came to think that how were the others like and when would he meet them, so he asked about that.

“We have been planning to go eat somewhere when as many as possible is free. Right now most of us have some kind of schedule, so the house is unusually silent”, Heechul said and looked at the Donghae, then Sungmin, who was nodding. They seemed to be excited about that, and Donghae felt huge gratitude towards them, as treating him so well.

“Everyone wants to meet a new member, especially us in Black Diamonds which you’re anyway going to see more often in the future.”

Donghae was silent for a minute, because as much he felt joy for getting to know them all, as much he was feeling insecure.

“I really didn’t think you would accept me this well... I thought that I’m... ” he muttered hesitantly stopping at the corridor when seeing the two other guys seemed to leave other way. Both of them smiled softly back at him.

“Don’t worry Donghae. I think everyone is going to get used to you after some time. This is more like a family to us than just a job, everyone here are trying to get along and most of us are very good friends for long time. People come from different backgrounds, but we see us as equal to each other”, Sungmin explained and patted Donghae’s shoulder courageously. The younger smiled, though the little iffy expression was still there.

“Trust me, I know.”

The two of his new friends, as Donghae already thought, were already leaving when Donghae stopped again.

“Uh, where’s Eunhyuk by the way?” he asked and bit his bottom lip, frowning little. Sungmin turned to look at him again, humming and trying to probably remember at the moment.

“I think he has a meeting over Seoul today… But it shouldn’t take the whole day. He’s probably back until six”, Sungmin muttered.

“How so, missing that monkey already?” Heechul teased playfully, which caused Donghae’s face feel a little flustered, though he didn’t truthfully know why. Maybe it was the way Heechul was trying to ‘assume’ thing, though it was obviously just joking.

“Uh—I was just thinking…”

“Sure”, Heechul smiled widely.

“Come on Chul, let him be. Take some rest Hae and don’t forget to eat!” Sungmin yelled cheerfully, and shooed Heechul to leave as well.

“Yeah, I will”, Donghae mouthed and sighed when the two guys disappeared further in to the mansion’s many corridors, to their own rooms. When he was approaching the kitchen, the boy’s stomach started to crumble loudly and just then he realized how freaking hungry he was after the training. After picking up some snacks he returned to his room and sat down on his bed, thinking about all of the changes from the time before. It was crazy, but now he didn’t miss the life he had.

 

*

 

Donghae was spending his time at the main living room for the first time, when he heard the front door opening and closing. He didn’t see to the lobby, so he was a bit nervous if the comer was someone he didn’t knew. But fortunately, it was just Eunhyuk, looking tired when he walked to the living room after hearing the TV was on.

When the older noticed Donghae sitting alone on the living room, he smiled shortly and walked between the two couches that were placed on a ninety degrees angle from each other. The huge television was on the wall and some drama was going on at the moment.

The boy raised his gaze at the male and looked him under his eyebrows questioningly. The silence lingered on for almost few minutes, until Eunhyuk spoke.

“How was the training with Heechul and Sungmin?” he asked, opening the buttons on his light blue dress shirt’s left hand. Donghae lowered the volume on the TV and wiggled on his seat, smiling softly.

“It was tiring, but instructive.”

“Good… Did they drain you out totally?” he smirked lightly, but the tiredness seemed to taken half of it off.

“Nah, they went easy on me.”

“They’re quite a handful when they put on all of their efforts”, the blond man hummed and rolled his sleeves up to his elbows.

“I can believe that”, Donghae smirked while trying to think how the match between the three of them would be.

The older anyway left, but Donghae could hear some noises coming from the kitchen very soon. Eunhyuk was probably making something to eat, and Donghae wondered why the man looked so tired. And wasn’t he supposed to be back somewhere around six? It was already nearing ten at the evening.

Suddenly he heard some soft steps coming back to the living room and the man sat down on the other sofa with a bowl of instant ramen and a can of Cola. He slurped the ramen like he was suffering from starvation. The silence remained for a good while, but Donghae saw from the corner of his eyes how the man frowned to the show on the TV.

“What’s that?” Eunhyuk eventually asked, and Donghae chuckled.

“1994, don’t you watch TV?”

“Not really”, the man muttered and raised an eyebrow. For the remaining twenty minutes of the show they just stared at the 1994 together, until the ending credits started to fall on the screen and Eunhyuk had already eaten his ‘dinner’. The leader left as silently as he came, but he eventually came back again and glanced at Donghae, who didn’t notice that yet.

“Donghae.”

The called boy hummed in response, turning his eyes to the standing man.

“Come, let’s take a drive.”

Donghae eyed him suspiciously.

“Drive?”

“We’ll take the Lambo.”

His eyes widened, and he stood up immediately when Eunhyuk turned his back at him to go take his jacket.

“…Coming!”


	8. The Copper Frog

The only noises and lights were coming from the television in the living room, while three men were sitting on the biggest couch and watching a comedy movie. It was almost three in the morning, and one of them was already going to fall asleep until a noise from the outside woke him, and the two others up.

One of them, Heechul, stood up and walked to the window to ensure who was the comer at this time of night. He recognized the Lamborghini that belonged to their blonde leader, was almost turning to go back on the couch when a question woke him up from his thoughts.

“Was it Hyuk?” Kyuhyun asked tiredly, rubbing his tired eyes. Sungmin also leaned his head against the couch’s backrest and looked at the oldest questioningly. The man who was standing next to the window hummed.

“Yeah – oh”, he said, but he recognized there was actually two coming out of the car. And it didn’t take too long to recognize Donghae had been the one driving, “Oh my! Hyukjae let someone drive his car.”

“No way!” Kyuhyun breathed and stood up. From the window they had a clear sight to the garage and the little parking lot in front of it, and now all three were standing at it and staring out in awe. They stood there like nosy grandpas stalking their neighbors, seeing how the strawberry blonde walked a bit ahead of their leader but soon turned towards Eunhyuk and furiously pointed him with his finger and the older man just smirked and laughed. It seemed like they were arguing about something, but Donghae being the only one who was tantalized.

Sungmin hardly kept his giggles on his own.

“Donghae was the one driving”, Heechul noted like it wasn’t detected already.

“Doesn’t he remind you of—“

“Donghwa. He was Donghae’s big brother”, the cat-eyed said in a lower voice and the two others gasped, “He doesn’t know that.”

“Oh shit”, Sungmin muttered desperately, “Does he know anything?”

“No.”

“We shouldn’t talk about that to him.”

“You think Donghae wouldn’t get mad at us?” Kyuhyun scoffed, he really doubted that Donghae would let them easily on that.

“He will, but I think that’s a subject they should discuss with each other. Hyuk was the closest with him, and he…” Sungmin started but his words faded away before he was ready.

“…he was there when it happened”, Heechul ended the sentence with a slight frown.

They still stared when the two guys started a play-fight at the outside; Donghae trying to punch the older male but it just went past when Eunhyuk grabbed Donghae’s wrist and tripped the younger by kicking his calf. And the blond bend over while laughing his ass off, while the boy flushed in embarrassment, but that was something no-one else was able to see. The three recognized the loud ‘Yah!’ performing on his lips though.

Sungmin shook his head in disbelief and the oldest just smirked.

“They’ll be so whipped.”

They all nodded in unison.

 

*

 

The time passed by like in a hurry, and it had been almost over one week after Donghae was taken in the gang. He slowly got to know people better, especially Sungmin and Heechul, who were now teaching the youngest more self-defense and things like that. Yesung had been busy with a trip to China, but was back in Incheon with them now, though Donghae’s training with guns would take its place a bit later.

Donghae was really enjoying his time with these members, who dedicatedly took their time to teach him useful things. Sungmin and Heechul were patient with him, and he already felt like he had known them for a longer time than this. He really liked them both.

Eunhyuk then was a bit harder bite to take, they tended to argue more than talk, but it was actually just friendly bickering. Donghae couldn’t understand why Eunhyuk had chosen him as his victim, so he just tried to give him words back enough. Still, he felt like they were growing closer with each other, and the others noticed it too, though they didn’t say anything out loud. They just looked at them from a far, smirking when the two didn’t notice.

It was a cloudless Saturday afternoon when Donghae and his great teacher, Sungmin, stopped their practice and headed upstairs to the kitchen. It was unusually crowded, when Heechul, Yesung, Eunhyuk and also Kyuhyun were there, discussing something but being cut off when the brunette and the eighteen year old came in. Donghae didn’t have the slightest idea what they had been talking about, but Sungmin knew it was something regarding the two ‘Ds’, after drawing a conclusion from Eunhyuk’s tensed gist.

Now almost everyone else who regularly visited the mansion knew about Donghae’s relation to Donghwa – except Donghae himself. They were a bit mad at Eunhyuk tried to avoid the subject as well as he could, when the others insisted him to tell the younger about it.

The blonde was too afraid to tell, truthfully. If it was an unpleasant subject for him, what would it be for Donghae then? Donghae didn’t seem to know in fact anything about his brother’s real life in, which was with the mafia. He had started to like the boy, even if he was annoying little brat, but he also felt it was his responsibility to look after him. He couldn’t ‘betray’ his best friend with that and leave Donghae behind.

But he didn’t like how much the strawberry blonde reminded him of him. Though, in some way he felt like he was able to be with Donghwa again, but honestly it wasn’t the same thing. It was different. And if he would grow even closer with the youngster, things could get out of hand and it wasn’t something he wanted to face. But what choices did he have? He couldn’t eject the boy away, but it felt bad to let him any closer. He didn’t know what to do. Maybe he should be away more, so Donghae would befriend with the others more. But eventually, he would come to know about the things he yet wasn’t aware of.

“What’s up here?” Sungmin asked and tried to ease the coolness in the kitchen, which mostly came from Kyuhyun and the blonde, who looked like they have been the one’s discussing things. Heechul wanted to change the atmosphere, so he opened his mouth.

“I just came to think that now, when so many is present and I know other people are fee too, should we go out to eat and have a little meeting? So Donghae would get to know the others too. You’re all free today right?”

“That sounds like a plan”, Sungmin said, smiling brightly. The atmosphere soon changed into a better one, but Donghae still noticed some changes, especially in Eunhyuk because he was more silent than usual. But the idea sounded fun, and the leader had talked about it anyway when they had decided to ‘keep’ the boy with them.

Everyone else agreed too.

“How about the usual Copper Frog -barbecue place?” Eunhyuk asked and seemed to have gained his usual behavior back, and didn’t seem so withdrawn anymore. But he didn’t left unnoticed the glances he received from Kyuhyun, who had been the one threatening him to talk about the things clear with the youngest before everything would get out of hand.

“Where’s that name coming from?” Yesung asked. He had never been in that place like Donghae neither.

“They have some huge frog statue at the entrance. It’s hilarious, actually. But the food is best I’ve ever had”, Heechul answered for this and smiled weirdly.

“Should I call the others? When should we meet up there? In one and half hours?” Kyuhyun asked and pulled his smart phone already from his pocket and called for the first person. Kyuhyun was the one of the last persons Donghae had gotten to know there, and though the guy was a bit ruthless sometimes, Donghae had noticed he was a nice guy was well too.

“One and half sounds good enough”, Eunhyuk muttered, “I’ll reserve a table big enough for us then.”

“I think we should go to shower and change”, Sungmin noted to Donghae, who realized how much he had been sweating for the two last hours.

“You’re right”, the boy muttered.

“Well, be back in half an hour”, Eunhyuk ordered and left the kitchen to speak on the phone.

 

*

 

All the six of them had packed themselves inside a black van, though it seemed problematic them all to take their own cars; if they would have taken them, they obviously would have also needed several parking lots for them. So they decided to take the van which was often used for something like this.

Yesung was the one driving, Kyuhyun sitting on the passenger’s seat and the rest four sitting on the backseats, though on the front was place for three, but they didn’t want to stuff themselves and sit uncomfortably like herrings in a can.

The windows were darkened so no-one was able to see inside, but they were able to stare out. Donghae was sitting on the left side, Sungmin beside him and the blonde leader and Heechul on the right. The seats were placed on the sides lengthwise, because usually the car was stuffed with other things than people.

The youngest was gazing through the windows, looking the views passing by; Incheon was a whole new world for him since he had always lived in Seoul till now. He eyed the streets chocolate brown eyes sparkling, excited and overwhelmed to see a place wasn’t familiar with. But probably he would get used to it, since Shiwang, especially Black Diamonds, pertained mostly there. He was happy though, because he was experiencing this all with the guys he liked and trusted, even though they had known each other barely just two weeks. He could almost say, he felt like he was finally at home.

It took almost forty minutes to get in the town from the mansion, and they actually drove a bit over the actual downtown of the actual city, closer to the harbor area. The area seemed to have many other restaurants too, as also some little shops and office buildings, but it was more tranquil and it was actually kind of nice, because it wasn’t madly crowded.

Yesung parked their car on the side of the road a bit further from the restaurant. From there, they still had just few hundred meters to walk to the certain place.

Donghae hopped out of the van behind the three others, and eyed the street curiously.

“I wonder if the others are here already”, Yesung muttered and put on his sunglasses, though it wasn’t very sunny day, while the sky was mostly hovered with grayer clouds. It was still quite warm, and Donghae was happy the autumns were nicely long compared to the winter.

“I highly doubt that”, Eunhyuk mouthed and started to walk ahead of them.

Donghae soon noticed that most of the other people walking there changed to the other sidewalk, or lowered their gaze when they passed their little gang. He started to wonder if people recognized them as mafia’s members. He saw how people looked at them with a glint of fear in their eyes, but some of them also had something else, something like respect. The strawberry blonde hurried a bit so he wouldn’t be left behind, and tugged Heechul’s sleeve while giving him a questioning look.

“Hmm, Donghae?”

“Are all those people giving a way for us? Do they know who you are?” he asked curiously, but also a bit confused. Though, when he took a better look at the guys he was with, he realized that most of them had black blazers and jeans, dyed hair, and if he was even more precise, he understood that they didn’t use cheap clothes. They had the money to dress well, and they actually stood out of the crowd. They had self-confidence – Donghae was probably the only one of them who didn’t have so much self-esteem or just that cool and maybe a bit intimidating aura.

He on the other hand obviously looked younger than the others with his baby-ish, soft features. He had simple black, skinny jeans; red v-neck shirt; black vest and black, hooded jacket. Donghae most likely seemed much more like a teenager with his clothes and dyed, strawberry blonde hair on a ponytail. He was like one of the rebellious teenagers who vandalized the school and the students, and which every teacher despised greatly.

Heechul sneered shortly, ruffing Donghae’s orangeish locks.

“People usually notice people like our kind, or at least get a feeling it’s wise to change the sides.” Donghae’s mouth went ‘o’ for that and he nodded once.

Just few minutes later they arrived in front of stone stairs leading into a restaurant, which outward appearance seemed very traditional Asian with bright red, gold, yellow and green colors. There was also two Foo Dogs on the each side of the stairs. One of them had its mouths open which showed its stone teeth and a carved pearl inside the mouth, and the other one had a cub under its paw. On top of the entrance’s roof ridge was also the frog.

And somehow, the whole place gave Donghae the feeling that it wasn’t a place for only the ordinary people, but it had much to do with the mafia’s lifestyle, even though he did know nothing about the details. Maybe the mafia owned the place, or took the protection money in exchange for the mafia to keep the enemies out of there.

His thoughts were anyway cut off, when Sungmin told them that the one silver car in the distance seemed to be Shindong’s car, so the man was visibly already inside.

“Okay, let’s head inside”, Eunhyuk started and the others walked ahead of him and Donghae, while he placed his hand on the boy’s shoulder and stared him in the curious eyes.

“This is a place we take some protection money, so this is kind of Shiwang’s territory. It doesn’t prevent anyone to eat there, if they keep it cool. But if you see anything outstanding, please tell me, okay? Because we can never be too careful”, Eunhyuk said in a calm tone, and even his eyes were pretty tender-looking, but anyway he came out clearly with the things he said.

“I will”, Donghae answered and gave the man a short, skew smile before the older hurried them to get inside.

They stepped into a dimmed restaurant, which had its some tables filled, but mostly it was quiet even though it was Saturday. But maybe the slightly early time for dinner was the reason it wasn’t crowded.

The place’s lights were indeed dimmed and most of the lights came from small, the atmospheric lamps on the tables. But he couldn’t see the other members on the main area, and soon Eunhyuk commanded him to follow him through burgundy curtains that lead them into a smaller dining room, where was only one long table – reserved for them only. There were places for almost twenty persons, so Donghae wondered how many they were lacking right now.

He recognized Shindong from the other head of the table, and when the man noticed him back the burly man waved his hand to him and gestured him to sit down closer to him. Eunhyuk moved on the opposite side of Shindong, and pulled Donghae with him to sit next to his. Donghae was now facing Kyuhyun, Shindong on his left side. Heechul was on Donghae’s other side, so he was placed between Heechul and Eunhyuk, who on the other hand was facing Yesung and Sungmin on his right.

“Um, how many other people are coming…?” Donghae asked a bit anxiously because these were the only ones he had ever seen before. The blond placed his hand on the top of his chair’s backrest and turned to look Kyuhyun, though Donghae was the one talking to him.

“Hey Kyu, who did you say are coming today?”

“Siwon and Hangeng are on a trip in Hong Kong, and Kibum and Changmin are in Japan, so they couldn’t make it. At least Kangin, Ryeowook, Leeteuk and Zhoumi confirmed that they’re coming. Zhoumi said he tries to drag Henry along, but he also said something they might be a bit late since they had some work to do before”, Kyuhyun cleared with his usual, a bit expressionless tone and crossed his fingers while he laid his elbows on the table.

“Alright, I guess I can make the order hence it will take some time anyway”, Eunhyuk muttered mostly to himself, and it didn’t take long when a skinny and tall waiter came straight to him and the leader of them quietly talked something with him. The man wrote the order on the little notebook and left very soon, leaving all them in their own company.

Sungmin bend a bit more over the table to look at Shindong, since he was behind Yesung, so he could see him better and talk to him;

“Shindong, how was your job at Busan?” The said man exhaled like the subject was boring, but for Donghae it definitely wasn’t. He was very interested about everything these men did at their work.

“Ah, it wasn’t anything special. I was mostly supervising while the club was built up and meeting people who were going to do some contracts with us. After the opening the place has been very crowded from the start, I heard. I came back just two days after the opening, they were doing good job and I wanted to come back home”, the burly man told.

“How’s Nari?” Heechul asked.

“I was just about to ask when the due date was, again”, Sungmin pointed and the expression the man who they were talking with, changed into a wide, proud smile.

“Just two months away.”

“Excited?” Sungmin grinned.

“Very. Our house starts to be ready too, soon. I can get everything finished most likely just before the due.”

Heechul noticed the bit bewildered, but curious expression on Donghae’s face and decided to light up his world a little. He looked the boy in the eyes and smirked.

“Shindong is obviously the most decent man amongst us. His wife, Nari is pregnant and they bought a house – was it six months ago?”

“Seven”, the bigger man answered and Donghae nodded, smiling.

“Do you know is it a boy or a girl?” the strawberry blonde asked curiously, tilting his head.

“It’s a secret”, Shindong grinned and winked at him, which made Donghae chuckle a little.

“Congratulations, anyway”, he said genuinely joyfully, he wasn’t cold-hearted at least, like few of them sometimes seemed to be…

“Thank you. Maybe we could borrow you to babysit our kid later”, Shindong joked and the boy heard how Eunhyuk snorted beside him, and Donghae showed him with his elbow and scoffed at him – who only laughed back.

“You’re so weird”, Donghae hissed, and couldn’t avoid the embarrassment when the others started to laugh at him too. He scowled and a pout soon showed on his boyish face.


	9. Break me

The atmosphere was nicely going higher, and no-one couldn’t say a bad word about meeting their friends and having some fun with them. They laughed and joked, and talked how everything was going.

For Donghae, it seemed like all of them had known each other for decades. Even though he was new and wasn’t very aware of the things, he didn’t feel himself as an outsider, like he used to always feel at school for example. He wasn’t left behind, since everyone wanted to talk to him and take him into the conversations.

Some half an hour later, while Eunhyuk was sharing the story from the night they took Donghae along, the red curtains opened and three men walked into the dining room.

One of them was robust and very manly with thick eyebrows, but had a friendly smile on his lips after he saw the people he was familiar with. The second was skinnier, but had the tenderest smile Donghae probably had ever seen on any man’s face. He also had very light brown hair, and in the youngest’ opinion, he didn’t look like a guy from the mafia at all – he was way too angelic looking for this kind of thing. But so was the last one; he was very petite looked way too kind to kill anyone too.

“Sorry we couldn’t get here any earlier”, the sand haired said and sat beside Heechul. The very manly one sat on his left side and the last one sat down next to Sungmin, who shared a very wide smile to the newcomers.

“It doesn’t matter – the food isn’t coming probably soon anyway. And we are still lacking of Zhoumi and Henry”, Eunhyuk said and coughed a little get his voice clearer, “Guys, this is Donghae here, he’s the new one.” The blond placed his right hand on Donghae’s shoulder to point him up to the others. Donghae bowed a little; he wasn’t very sure how he was supposed to act with these guys.

“Ah, you don’t need to bow to us, kid! I’m Leeteuk, I guess you don’t remember, but I was there to check on you after Yesung hit you”, the man said with a bright smile, waving his hands to shush the unnecessary formality gestures.

Donghae glanced at the man beside him, because he definitely didn’t remember this male at all.

“I’m sorry, I don’t remember you…but thanks for treating me”, he said a bit shyly.

“You were blacked out pretty well, so don’t worry about it. Nice to see you awake now!” Leeteuk answered quite happily, then pointing out the two others;

“This is Kangin, and he’s Ryeowook.”

Donghae bowed a little only with his head, and the two laughed warmly to him.

“Cut the formalities, it’s alright”, Kangin chuckled manly, and Donghae didn’t understand how everyone was so friendly towards him.

The elders chattered to each other for a while, until Leeteuk’s curiosity was aimed towards Donghae again.

“Hey Donghae, you were eighteen, right? So you’ve just graduated from high school?” the man asked and leaned against his palm, and his elbow was landed against the table. The strawberry blonde leaned a little forward so he could see the asker better behind the two males between them.

“Um, yeah. Turning nineteen in few months”, he said, and suddenly he felt so young amongst all the others who probably were closer to their thirties than twenties.

“Oh, when is your birthday?” Ryeowook asked this time, and most of the member’s interest was headed to Donghae.

“15th of October… I guess I’m the youngest?” Donghae murmured a bit uncertainly, glancing the others two questioning look in his eyes.

“Yes, you are. Henry is the second youngest, he’s twenty-two. Amongst us Shindong is the oldest”, the petite male said.

“He has three legs in the grave already”, Kangin joked and snickered by himself.

“You’re not any better, just two years younger than me!” Shindong scoffed.

Ryeowook looked at Donghae while narrowing his eyes, he was very deep in thoughts, because Donghae looked so familiar – and he didn’t know the things most of them knew already.

“Donghae, did you happen to know a guy called D—“, he started, and Donghae looked at him, but Sungmin was fast enough to put his palm over the man’s mouth so he couldn’t end his sentence. Ryeowook’s expression changed to into very confused one, but Heechul was fast enough to distract the youngest to a different subject.

Sungmin instead glanced towards his friend very intimidatingly and widened his eyes meaningfully.

“What was that?” Ryeowook whispered and leaned closer to Sungmin’s ears. The brunette looked hastily towards Donghae and then leaned to whisper back to the other man.

“You were about to ask if he knows ‘Hwa, right?”

Ryeowook nodded and frowned, since he didn’t understand what was going on. Sungmin kept whispering;

“They are brothers – and Donghae doesn’t know anything about his brother’s life amongst us. Hyukjae haven’t talked with him yet, and I think it’s best if he’s the one telling him.”

The other man’s jaw fell and he raised his eyebrows.

“So please, let’s not talk about that. I guess I should tell to the others too which yet don’t know about it.”

“Ah, you’re probably right… I can’t believe it though!” Wook whispered surprised and Sungmin nodded, thinking the same. How small the world was!

“I know right…”

Not so long after Donghae had gotten to know the three guys, two more appeared and greeted them loudly.

“Hello everyone! I heard here’s a new face?” the taller man, with a little bit of Chinese accent with his speaking, tried to find Donghae with his eyes. “You are Donghae, right? I’m Zhoumi, very nice to meet you!”

Donghae looked again a bit shy, and Eunhyuk couldn’t leave it unnoticed. The strawberry blonde turned to look the leader like questioning again, should he bow or not, but in the end he bowed a little anyway. Eunhyuk chuckled to him, ruffling his smooth hair, but Donghae shoved his hand away embarrassedly.

“Stop harassing him, Hyuk!” Heechul laughed and pulled Donghae closer to his embrace, but Donghae flushed even harder, because the elders kept babying him like that.

“Uh-huh, nice to meet you too”, Donghae greeted and tried to pull himself free from the hug, but Heechul strongly kept him between his arms.

“Well, you don’t seem any better, Chullie”, Eunhyuk murmured and turned to look away.

“Geez, let the boy breathe, will you”, the other one of the last ones laughed and sat down at the table, on the opposite side of the leader and the poor teenager who was being harassed again.

Heechul scoffed and let Donghae free, who exhaled heavily and looked very flustered after the treatment.

“I’m Henry, by the way.”

“D-Donghae”, the strawberry blonde stammered a little. This guy also seemed to have an accent, but it sounded more like an American or something.

“Yeah, I know. Do they always treat you like that?” Henry asked and smiled shortly.

“Hopefully not”, the teenager answered and glared the two, but mostly the leader because he was the one who did it more, though it was mostly with words, and not physically like Heechul was doing.

Fifteen minutes later after Zhoumi’s and Henry’s arrival the waiters finally started to bring the food to the huge table. There was numerous of variations of the different side dishes and they all just looked so delicious and the scent was mouthwatering.

Donghae was amazed; it was obvious that the mafia had lot of money, but the fact always surprised him again and again – like with the cars, or with the mansion’s interior. He was from an overage family – where money wasn’t a foregone conclusion – but on the other hand, many of these men also were from families like that. But this lifestyle was totally different from the ordinary.

He noticed how genuine all of the smiles were and how honest these men seemed to be with each other. They looked joyful and relaxed, and it was obvious they had known each other for years. And suddenly, he had this uncertain feeling. Even if he personally liked it here, did these guys like him? His thoughts were however cut off, when the blond man with a clear jawline and single-lidded eyes looked at him with his soulful, almost black eyes and offered him the bowl with noodles.

“You want some?” he simply asked, and for the answer the younger nodded and took the bowl on his own hands. The food’s smell was almost making him delirious. Donghae didn’t notice how the man kept looking at him, until the strawberry blonde had passed the bowl forward to Heechul and he turned his gaze back to Eunhyuk’s direction.

“What are you staring at…?” he asked after a short silence, not understanding the way the man was looking at him so intensively

“You”, Eunhyuk simply muttered, and Donghae felt even more bewildered, but he didn’t have too much time to think that when the man talked again; “How do you…feel? I mean, I guess this is all new and weird, and you just met a punch of more idiots.” Donghae was honestly a bit taken aback because of the question, and all the other words coming from the blonde’s plump lips. He felt like he didn’t have enough time even think about a proper answer.

“In my opinion, they really seem to like you. You are…young and much more innocent than those corrupted bastards”, the older kept going, while Donghae still couldn’t get anything smart to answer than; “I’m not innocent.”

“Tch, you are”, he chuckled silently. Donghae bit his lower lip and furrowed his brows a little, and it made him look more worried.

“Uh—do you…then?”

“Do I what?”

“Like…me?” Donghae was almost stammering with those two simple words, but truthfully, Eunhyuk’s opinion was probably mattering mostly to him, though he didn’t know why. Maybe because he was the leader.

When the blond haired man gazed at him, Donghae felt like he was looking right through him. He couldn’t hear the noises coming around them anymore – it was like they were inside a little, fragile bubble that was going to break in any moment. The strawberry blonde tried, but he couldn’t read Eunhyuk’s expression. His dark brown eyes were even darker than normal, and it felt like he could sink into them. But the bubble was blown away soon, when the eyes turned away and the stare broke.

“You’re annoying little brat”, Eunhyuk grinned while taking some meat onto his plate and trying to focus on that, but the smile kept hovering on the man’s lips for a good while after the boy scowled and turned eat without saying anything because he felt a bit offended, though he did know it was just for joking and teasing, but still… He wanted to know what he thought about him.

Donghae didn’t notice that someone had been listening to them, and it wasn’t just one but few pairs of ears.

Eunhyuk was the one to break the silence between after deciding that it had already taken enough time since Donghae started to sulk to him.

“Liked the food?”

Donghae actually groaned and leaned on the chair’s backrest.

“I’m so full. I don’t remember when I’ve eaten this well.”

“This has been my favorite since…forever”, he murmured and seemed to stare not anything in particular.

“What is ‘since forever’ to you?” Donghae asked innocently, his chocolate colored orbs glued to the blonde’s side profile.

“When I became the leader of this little group...” he muttered, but didn’t say anything else though Donghae was waiting for detailing, it never came.

Simply like that, the hesitant silence changed into loud screams, bangs and incoherent hassle, when the other side of the restaurant went mad. The loudest noises were in fact from the fired guns, and the fearful screams and yells after that. The time suddenly stopped, and Donghae was the only one in that moment which couldn’t truthfully react in any way, because it came all came too fast and his body froze.

“Get down!” someone shouted, Donghae couldn’t recognize who. But soon, he was pulled harshly onto the floor.

“Use the backdoor, everyone out NOW!” That voice sounded to belong to Eunhyuk. Everything Donghae was able to focus, was the abnormal speed of his heartbeat and the blankness all over him. He however felt how he was pulled up again while he and the others run out of there. It was just hassle and words he couldn’t understand, until he got some fresh air inside his lungs. He didn’t realize how he was leaning against Heechul when he started to get his senses back.

“Split! Take taxis, just get away from here!” Heechul hurried the others, who run away after securing their backs. Donghae soon noticed that most of them already had pulled their own guns from their jackets or wherever they kept them.

“Heechul, take Donghae with you…! I’ll check this out, don’t wait for me if it takes too long”, Eunhyuk mouthed as quietly he could, so he wouldn’t reveal them, though probably the enemy was already aware where they were.

Heechul commanded Donghae to run after him, who ran without hesitation, though he turned to look back and saw Eunhyuk’s figure disappearing behind the backdoor again. They passed some trash cans and cars beside the road, took a turn to the left and ran along the bit wider street and they were just passing the road to the other side, when a loud bang and a scream of pain were heard.

Donghae stopped on his heels and turned around, realizing it wasn’t him who had been shot, but Heechul, who had fallen on the ground, his left leg bleeding.

“H-Heechul!” Donghae yelled, though all the spit seemed to been disappeared from his mouth when the words were freed from his lips. His whole body was trembling; this was his second time since he saw someone was shot. But Heechul wasn’t dead. He started to run towards the man in pain, but was stopped just few meters away from him, when someone suddenly grabbed on his jacket and threw him onto the ground.

“Donghae!” Heechul shouted, seeing how the teenager was thrown on the ground by a man he was able to see just now, when the first shock of the pain started to fade. And unfortunately, he knew this intervener, and he wasn’t even sure should he be surprised or not.

The strawberry blonde identified the object against his occipital by instinct. His eyes started to open slowly, and just know he noticed how he had been biting his lip it was already bleeding.

“You fucker! What do you want?!” Heechul screamed from the ground, his tone furious, eyes full of anger. He was good at hiding his fear, at least.

“It’s been a while, right Heechul? Though, I hoped I’d see Hyukjae instead”, the man, whose voice he didn’t know, said. He couldn’t, and didn’t dare to, turn his head to look at the attacker. He was lying on the ground on his stomach, facing Heechul, who tried to sit up, but the wounded leg made it hard.

“You fucking peace of shit, GD… Haven’t you taken enough already from us!?”

“Nah, being ambitious isn’t a bad thing, right?”

GD… Donghae remembered this letter combination. It was G-Dragon, wasn’t it?

“W-who are you?” Donghae stammered under the aim of the gun, and also under GD’s right foot, which was placed on his spine.

“Lee Donghae… I am the truth”, the man said with an irritatingly soft tone, and Donghae felt his stomach churn in nausea, which was cause by many things; fear, irritation, confusion… Heechul was in pain, and he couldn’t do anything.

“What d-do you want?” Donghae asked nervously. He wanted to look at the man, but he was only able to see the blurry reflection of him on the cars’ windows. But the reflections weren’t good enough to see his face properly.

“Many things, actually… Where should I start? I want your stupid leader as dead. Maybe I should take you first though, you seem better as dead too. Hyukjae wouldn’t like that.”

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you, GD.”

The youngest of the scene immediately knew the voice. It came behind them though, so he wasn’t able to see the blond man, who was standing there, aiming his gun straight towards G-Dragon’s head.

“Oh-oh, white knight coming to save someone’s life again?” the enemy laughed drily. Donghae saw Heechul’s face, and the expression was different. Like he was pleading the other one to stop. The man, who was pressing the gun against Donghae’s hair, chuckled softly.

“But I didn’t come to kill anyone – today, at least… Hyukjae-ah… I know what you’re hiding from Donghae…”

Donghae frowned madly his eyebrows and clenched his jaw in pure confusion. What the hell was this about?

Eunhyuk twitched on his place and noticed the look in Heechul’s eyes, who definitely tried to do something calming to him. He felt like he was being strangled though.

“Donghae… Did you know your brother was actually a part of this shitty gang, huh?” G-Dragon revealed.

The strawberry blonde couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He hadn’t ever even thought his brother would have been…

“W-what…?” Donghae’s voice was uneven and powerless. The mere thought of his brother made his eyes water, his head heavy like a stone, chest burning in pain…

“GD, stop.”

“Oh, didn’t Hyukjae tell you, that he was actually there when your brother died…? Because your stupid brother sacrificed himself for this worthless leader of yours? How can you trust a man who has been lying to you like this all the time? And trust me, he knows who you are.”


	10. Pieces

The foot that was pressed against Donghae’s spine, was pulled off soon after G-Dragon had revealed the things the leader of the gang he now belonged to had refused to tell to the youngest. No-one said a word, and the atmosphere was tensed and cold, everyone waiting for it to crack like a glass that was about to burst into pieces.

G-Dragon put his gun away, sensing that Eunhyuk wouldn’t shoot him this time. The blond man was the one who had lost the game today, and the rival new that even without him there was probably going to be enough issues inside the Black Diamonds –gang. After he was satisfied enough, he started to take steps backwards further away from the three guys who were quietly waiting for someone to speak.

“Have a nice day! We’ll see soon enough again”, the enemy snickered hatefully and blew some flying kisses towards them, which were plainly to irritate the other gang.

“Just fuck off before my hunger of killing you right now becomes too much”, Heechul snarled. He couldn’t stand the silence any longer. He wasn’t able to see Donghae’s face, who kept it lowered and his eyes and expression overall was under his bangs. But he could see Eunhyuk’s, which he tried to keep expressionless, but because Donghae couldn’t see it now, the pain inside was flaring in his dark eyes and it was painful to look at. Heechul knew Eunhyuk didn’t like to or want to show his weakness. The months after the older Lee’s death were horrible to bear already, and this sight just reminded him about that time too much.

And with a crooked smirk the man was gone, and the man standing behind Donghae also tucked his gun inside his jacket. He took few cautious steps closer to the youngest, but stopping while biting the insides of his mouth like crazy. He wasn’t even sure what he was feeling at the moment; it was a mix of pure fear and grief, but he couldn’t recognize was it because he was afraid of Donghae’s reaction, or his own.

Soon, he heard quiet sniffle, but nothing else, until Donghae stood warily from the ground and walked away from Eunhyuk towards the one who had been shot.

“We should help him”, the youngest said when he finally turned his head to look at the blonde who felt cold shivers running through his body when he saw the cold stare in the boy’s eyes. He didn’t see a tear on his soft face, his lips on a straight line.

“I-I’ll get the car”, Eunhyuk said, but his voice trembled. He was honestly afraid that everything he said might get the boy out of the tracks and attack him or something.

Heechul noticed the tension clearer than anything, but tried to act normal at least with Donghae.

“It’s not in a severe place”, he muttered and sat up and carefully placed his leg so it wouldn’t hurt too much.

Donghae hadn’t seen a shot wound this close, but surprisingly, he didn’t feel nauseous because of the blood. He tried to stay calm and not let the anger and the storm of emotions take over him right now. The car the leader had gone to bring was already in his sight, and when Donghae was about to help Heechul up, he spoke.

“Donghae…”

The boy only hummed.

“Don’t…don’t hate Hyukjae. Give him a chance to explain. Your brother…was actually his best friend and he’d also been in much of pain because of his death.”

Donghae clenched his teeth and tried so hard to keep the tears away.

“You all… Everyone else knows, right? Except me”, he mouthed silently, but Heechul heard the bitterness in the tone.

“We thought it’s best if he’s the one telling you, because he knew your brother best. No-one wanted it to be revealed like this”, the older man told and pushed himself up with the help of Donghae and the car stopped next to them at the same time. Without changed words they got Heechul in the car, and the strawberry blonde also sat on the backseat. The whole way back to the mansion – because they had Leeteuk who was their medic – was silent and awkward.

Donghae gazed through his window and couldn’t put the feelings he had in order at all. He was angry, hurt, confused and almost everything possible. He didn’t know what to think, and mostly he just wanted to cry in frustration. His own brother had lied to him for years, and now these people he had already started to trust.

 

*

 

When they arrived at the mansion and started to help Heechul out of the car, other members rushed out, only to see bleeding Heechul. Sungmin and Kyuhyun rushed there first.

“What happened?!” Sungmin shouted and worry was written all over his face.

“Someone go get Leeteuk, Heechul has been shot”, Eunhyuk ordered and Yesung, who was the last to come out turned back to get the one who was able to treat people best.

“Stop the hassle, it’s not too bad”, the wounded male growled since he was a bit irritated because of the looks he got from the others.

“Who was the shooter?” Kyuhyun asked and kept the door open so the others would get easier inside. Eunhyuk assisted Heechul to sit down on the couch in the living room. Heechul exhaled in exhaustion and palmed his eyes since he had really started to feel dizzy after the blood loss and pain.

The leader clenched his fists and looked at Kyuhyun despise glowing in his orbs while he said the name.

“It was G-Dragon.” His speaking tone was cold and hateful, but his expression changed when he saw Donghae loitering a bit further away from them, his arms crossed against his chest and gaze lowered. He felt the bang inside his chest again.

“What else did he do?” Sungmin muttered, but at that moment Yesung hurried back with Leeteuk.

“L-let’s talk about it later, let Teuk treat him first…” Eunhyuk muttered and the slight stammering didn’t go unnoticed from some of them. The man who had some medical know-how focused on the wound on Heechul’s leg, and when Yesung noticed the man had fallen unconscious, the ruckus started again.

“We have to carry him downstairs, I need to operate this”, Leeteuk ordered and soon most of them were all around him again.

Sungmin noticed the youngest boy standing in the room anxiously and walked to him, touching his shoulder questioningly.

“Are you alright, Donghae?” he asked with a concerned look, eyebrows deeply furrowed. The boy tried desperately to smile to the nice male he had also trusted, but felt the uneasiness against everyone right now.

“I-I’m okay…” Donghae breathed, but Sungmin took a note of his trembling features and started to walk him to his room.

“You should rest, Donghae, I don’t think this is ordinary for you. It takes time to get used to things like this, because they’ll happen to us occasionally”, the brunette explained and smiled tenderly, but Donghae didn’t see it since he didn’t even look at the other.

“I g-guess you’re right…” he muttered and his room’s door was soon opened to him.

“If you need someone to talk to, you can always come to me, alright?”

“S-sure…”

“Don’t bother yourself too much with this”, Sungmin said softly and smiled again, until he closed the door behind him and left Donghae alone.

The strawberry blonde let him fall onto the bed, and it didn’t take too long until he felt the hot tears streaming down his face. He didn’t let out any other sounds, he just gave off to the cry staring at the ceiling and biting his lip frustrated.

Everything felt too much at the moment. The fear when he was aimed with a gun, the truth the enemy had revealed to him, the silence, unspoken words and the uncertainty of everything. All the walls built around him were down, because everything his brother had told him about himself was lies. He didn’t know who his brother had been in the end anymore.

What was the meaning of the lies? And who his brother really had been? Why was he a part of mafia and why did he died in the first place? Donghae remembered that G-Dragon had said that he had sacrificed himself – for Eunhyuk? Why did he have to do such a stupid thing and leave him all alone? He had needed his brother so much in the past two years. He was so broken all alone.

“Why was he taken away from me?” Donghae whispered quietly, sobbing and letting the tears water his cheeks and redden his eyes. He was angry and he felt betrayed, but he also wanted to know the truth. He wasn’t a person to hate anyone without a proper reason, and he wasn’t sure was there enough reason to hate Eunhyuk after all. But the one he loathed was the man who had said him those words, like his brother and everyone he cared for had been just rubbish garbage.

His mind was so messed up and after the exhausting happening he felt so tired, he eventually cried himself into sleep.

 

*

 

The strawberry blonde wasn’t sure how long he had been asleep when he finally opened his eyes and tiredly struggled out of the warmth of his huge bed. He grimaced when he felt the dryness of his cheeks after the tears had watered his face and then dried when he fell asleep. While stretching his neck to the right and left, he stood up from the bed and strolled to his bathroom. The sight on the mirror wasn’t very pretty, but he was too tired to care.

Donghae opened the faucet and washed his face with cold water, trying to get the sleepiness away. When the water stopped running, he picked the white towel from his right side and dried his face, then facing the mirror again and sighing. His brown eyes had dark circles under them and he looked more like a panda bear than decent human being at the moment. There was also no sight of smile on his thin lips, since the complicated feelings started to gather back into his mind.

I have to talk to him… I have to know, he thought and put the towel back on its place and stepped out of the bathroom, grabbing a black hoodie from the couch’s backrest and changing his shirt to it before getting out of the room.

While walking along the corridor, he felt how his heart was beating faster again. He was nervous and anxious to get to know about the facts about his brother’s true identity, and also the death of his. He wasn’t sure how he was going to handle it all, and he didn’t know what to expect since he had to find the particular man first before he could even talk about it. Now he did understand why the other members hadn’t decided to tell anything to him, because the only one he wanted to hear about it, was indeed Eunhyuk. Because he remembered how Heechul had said, that they had been best friends.

The thought of his big brother and his current leader had been best friends was truly peculiar, since he had never heard about the blonde before, until the incident that lead him to here. Was it actually meant to be like this? To be linked eventually in this weird way? Somehow, he understood some points why his brother had been friends with the witty blonde. And he also knew all the good features of his own brother.

And he realized that they had both lost the actual same person, and they both had grieved because of the loss and missed him greatly when he was suddenly taken away from them.

Donghae reached the kitchen sooner than he actually wanted, but the emptiness of the kitchen made him even more nervous. Leaving the kitchen behind, he headed towards the living room, and he was almost there when he heard some silent muttering coming from there. He swallowed his dry saliva and was soon facing just three of the members, their discussion closing in when he was being noticed.

Sungmin, being one of the three, stood up and patted the shoulder that belonged to the blonde man sitting on the other couch. The brunette walked to Donghae and smiled him gently.

“Heechul is okay. Leeteuk operated him and got the bullet out”, he said softly, and Donghae only nodded. The younger noticed the meaningful look thrown towards Kyuhyun, and the younger man also stood up from the couch and left the living room.

“I guess you have something to talk about”, Sungmin said and squeezed Donghae’s shoulder lightly. “I’m sorry you had to hear about it like this.”

The strawberry blonde nodded almost imperceptibly and finally looked the older in the eyes.

“It’s not your fault…” Donghae said quietly and bit warily, the sadness almost taking over and watering his eyes a little again. Sungmin didn’t say else, and followed Kyuhyun out of the living room.

Donghae stood there, his eyes fixed on the blonde who was lowering his head, elbows leaning against his tights. He sighed for the umpteenth time in that day, and was already taking a step towards the other couch when Eunhyuk slowly stood up and his eyes met Donghae’s anxious ones. His dark orbs were easier to read this time, but Donghae wasn’t confident enough to end up with any assumption about what Eunhyuk was really feeling or thinking at the moment.

“Is…is it okay if we go out? I need some fresh air”, the blond said drily, and received just a nod from the younger. Eunhyuk did notice the bags under the boy’s tired and still a bit reddish eyes, and the guiltiness just increased inside his heart. He had been so afraid to talk about this, he didn’t even know why exactly, and the final result of his cowardliness was this. And he highly regretted he didn’t tell Donghae sooner. Even though he wasn’t sure what was going to come then, when they really started to talk about it.

 

*

 

They had been strolling aimlessly out of the mansion’s property for some time already, none of them speaking but just silently walking beside each other along the path that seemed to lead on top a little hill not too far away from the mansion. The day had already darkened into night and the September air had some changes already in it, giving them a sense of feeling the month was soon turning to October. The weather was sill pleasantly warm, but Donghae was glad he had put on his hoodie.

The silence between wasn’t so awkward he thought it could have been, but it still was a bit, however not too much. It just seemed like they both were probably thinking about the right words to start the conversation. They both had the glint of fear peeking somewhere behind all the other feelings, which didn’t made anything easier at least.

Eventually Donghae noticed how far from the city they actually were, though the city lights were hovering over the horizon, but the mansion really was in its own peace in here. The smooth blow of the wind didn’t yet make him feel cold, but he already felt how his fingertips were a bit colder than they were inside.

On top of that little hill they were mostly surrounded with silence and the greenness of the grass around, but still there was a one lonely bench placed towards the distant sight of the city of Incheon. Eunhyuk had already sat down on the worn, wooden bench when Donghae stopped on his tracks, staring the city that seemed to be so far away, though in reality it wasn’t that far.

The older man had his hands on his lap, gaze fixed on the same direction as Donghae had been looking at, before the boy had turned his own eyes towards the blonde. Donghae didn’t think twice when he sat down on the bench next to the other, leaving a respectful distance between their bodies. He leaned his elbows against the black denim on his tights, hood pulled over head and leaving just a slice of his face exposed, his dyed locks covering his eyes when the wind didn’t brush them away.

There was a feel of emptiness more than tenseness surrounding them at this moment, just waiting for the blank gaps being fulfilled eventually.

Donghae sighed, frustrated, but not feeling that mad amount of angriness anymore. It was like Eunhyuk was afraid of his reactions, but Donghae had realized he wasn’t the only victim here overall.

“You… You have every right to be mad at me”, the blonde said after a long, warily exhale, and the aura radiating from him was so heavy, that Donghae was almost able to sense self-loathing from the man.

“The others wouldn’t want me to be mad at you”, the strawberry blonde said quietly, tilting his head a little towards the left, nibbling his own fingers anxiously.

“I should have told you.”

“At least I would have wanted to know sooner, so I wouldn’t feel like you’ve been lying to me. Though I guess you don’t need to tell me anything if you don’t want to. You could easily treat me as a peasant since I’m kind of your prisoner”, Donghae muttered slightly bitterly, but not wanting his tone sound like full of hatred, because he just couldn’t make himself to hate this man.

Eunhyuk shifted on his place, actually wanting to let all the secrets out so he would feel lighter. He hadn’t really talked much about his friend’s death with anyone, but always tried to manage alone because he didn’t want to be weak. And he knew Donghae was somehow right about what he said, but neither did he want to be just a cold asshole, since he felt like he owed his everything to his best friend and also Donghae’s big brother. Today, more than anything, he regretted.

“I can’t do that. I can’t. I at least owe Donghwa that I take care of you now. That’s the least I can do, after everything…” Eunhyuk said, with a tone without his usual courage, but powerful enough to show that he wasn’t just making up empty promises.

Donghae swallowed, even though his mouth was still dry as a sand paper. He felt his eyes watering again, and he didn’t even try to push them back.

“I...I don’t know anything about his death. I have to know”, Donghae said, his voice already trembling, “Heechul told me… You were his best friend. But I’ve never heard about you.”

“I never heard about you either, but I guess…he just wanted to protect you. He knew pretty well how dangerous his life was and he…probably didn’t want you to end up on this side”, Eunhyuk said a bit hesitantly, sensing how Donghae was crying though he didn’t dare to look at him. But soon he heard an agonized sob and sniffle.

“He was my everything, Eunhyuk. E-everything I had. The only one…w-who loved me a-as I am”, Donghae breathed heavily, stammering the words between the sobs, squeezing his hands into fists while trying to bear with the pain that came alongside talking about the things he had never talked with anyone.

The blond beside him was really fighting against his own tears, seeing how broken Donghae was, even though the boy had always acted strong ever since they first met. But he also saw a part of his friend again in him, and the memories made him hurt even more.

“Please… I don’t even know how he died. I… I wasn’t strong enough to go to the morgue or ever ask about it. I feel like I don’t know anything about him anymore. Like… He wasn’t even the guy I always looked up to. All he told me…was all lies in the end. Please, tell me”, Donghae whimpered and turned to look at the older one, chocolate eyes in tears, reddening and becoming puffier once again.

Eunhyuk could only gaze back at him for mere few seconds, until he turned his own eyes away, pushing back the tears that tried to flood over.

“It’s a long story, but… You deserve to know, so I’ll tell you.”


	11. Nothing lasts forever

_“It was just two weeks before Christmas…”_

 

 

**8 th of December 2010**

 The snow slush was splattering everywhere as Eunhyuk walked his way through the people on the street, trying to find his way to a place he actually knew quite well these days. He had left the car some blocks away since there wasn’t really a free spot any closer for a bigger van, and decided to walk the rest of the way even if the weather was horrible and all the slush was making the man’s sneakers soaked thoroughly.

 But that was last of Eunhyuk’s concerns right now. He was worried actually.

 The dark haired man (he was a brunette back then) tensed his shoulders upwards when the unpleasantly cold wind blew right inside the jacket’s thin fabric that definitely wasn’t made for weather like this. Cold shivers ran down his spine, but he sighed in relief when he finally grabbed the door handle of a certain building apartment and stepped inside, heading straight to the two elevators. When the other one’s doors opened he took few steps in and pressed the button ‘12’ with his slim fingers that didn’t really have any color anymore because of the annoying Korean winter, leaning against the mirror behind his back.

 It had already been two long hours and thirteen minutes when he looked the cell phone inside his pocket once again – and he wasn’t in a good mood.

 Eunhyuk was supposed to meet him two hours ago, and the bastard didn’t even pick up his calls, or even the dozen text messages he have sent to him. It was usually the brunette who didn’t answer the calls or texts, not Donghwa, who was often the one who called even without a proper reason.

 And because of that fact he felt very fidgety at the moment.

 They had had a set up in front of a small coffee shop, and Donghwa was  _supposed to_  come and get inside the usual van they used, but even after two hours he didn’t appear there. Their task had been about overshadowing a bigger CEO of an electronics company, and the man was under a suspect that he was stealing money from us. Eunhyuk didn’t know much about the details, but that man had a ‘contract’ with Shiwang, and most likely had become a bit too greedy for his own good and was now stealing from the mafia, thinking that no-one would notice anything.

 Eunhyuk didn’t really understand why anyone was so stupid to let mistakes like that happen.

 When the elevator made a high-pitched ‘ping’ noise and the doors opened, the male hurried into the dimmed corridor and when he was behind a familiar door, he typed in the electronic key code. The door opened with a light ‘clack’ and Eunhyuk stepped in, sensing immediately that something was very off with the scene.

 All lights were on, and if you looked at everything hastily, there wasn’t anything so out of the ordinary. But when he tiptoed forward, and reached the living room it was clear that something had happened there.

 Everything was out of place; cupboard doors were wide open, same as the drawers of the white dresser, a vase was on the floor in little pieces, a lamp was fallen down and surprisingly it was still working since the light was on. His fingers were verging on the gun inside his breast pocket, even if he kind of sensed that there wasn’t anyone anymore. Everything yelled about a struggle to him, and the concern inside him just increased.

 “What the hell happened to you…?” he whispered out loud, starting to feel anxious and panicky. Instead of the gun his fingers grabbed the phone out and picked one of the numbers that was used the most. The phone’s annoying noises came four times before he heard the familiar voice.

  _“Hyukjae?”_  it was Yunho, his leader and one of his closest friends amongst the other members in the mafia.

 “Y-yeah, it’s me”, Eunhyuk stammered a little and palmed his eyes nervously, still glancing around the apartment, like waiting for something unexpected to happen.

  _“You don’t sound normal, what’s wrong?”_

 “As you know, I was supposed to shadow Mr. Sohn with Donghwa, but he didn’t show up there at all”, the brunette said in a lower voice, noticing some muddy footprints on the floor and understanding why since the weather was so slushy. “I waited for him for two hours.”

_“Where are you now?”_

 “At his apartment and…it seems like a fight or something took a place at here. Everything is out of place.” Closing some of the cupboard doors he tried to give himself something to do and not time to start worrying too much. “I haven’t seen any blood anywhere.”

  _“Okay, that’s…a better sign. Is there any other evidence?”_  Yunho sound way more exhausted now and Eunhyuk could almost see the worry on his face even if he was somewhere on the other side of the city.

 “Not really.”

  _“Has he said anything to you? Like he has some problems with anyone or…?”_

 “No”, he muttered, continuing, “He haven’t answered any single call from me since we was supposed to start work. Nor text.”

_“Alright. I’ll try to do something, call some people and so on… Just come back at the mansion and we’ll discuss about this.”_

 “I just… I have this feeling… That something is off. He always answers my calls…!” The male started to get frustrated. “And he never ditches work.”

 Donghwa wasn’t a guy who would have any personal problems with the other gangs, so Eunhyuk was a bit taken aback because of this. There was no reason why someone would be after his best friend.

  _“Calm down. It’s been two hours right? You might be just overreacting”,_  Yunho tried to sound lighter, and he even chuckled at the end of the sentence, but it merely did anything to the younger’s mood. Never in his life had he experienced something like this.

 Donghwa was the closest person in his life, and right now, he feared the worst.

 “Y-yeah, I know... But this mess… He couldn’t cause this alone.”

_“Everything’s going to be alright, Hyukjae.”_

 “It’s just…”

  _“You start to sound like an overprotective boyfriend”_ , Yunho said, and Eunhyuk heard the grin painted on his lips, but it just made him more irritated.

 “Stop it”, he groaned, “We are nothing like that.”

_“I know, Hyukjae. I’m just trying to ease your nerves.”_

 “You’re not really helping, idiot.”

_“Yeah. Just come back here and we’ll check this out?”_

 “I’ll be there in thirty minutes.”

 

*

 

 After thirty-four long minutes and too much time spent in the traffic jam Eunhyuk finally parked the van and hurried out of the car with heavy steps. He was worried more than ever, and didn’t even have a proper reason for that. They didn’t have any facts about the situation.

 It could really have been just a misunderstanding. Someone could have called him to do a more important task what wasn’t possible to do alone or something. Their task would have been just an ordinary one.

 And honestly, they had have been through many dangerous situations. But until now they’ve always made out of them alive.

 But he was also kind of hurt because Donghwa hadn’t picked up the younger’s calls. It got on his nerves.

 His body felt cold after soaking his shoes, and since the heating of the car was broken he really missed the warmth of the house and inhaled in slight relief when finally got inside. The male threw his sneakers off like an teenager and strolled into the living room, where Yunho already was with most of the Black Diamonds’ members

 But the atmosphere was tense and he just  _knew_  they knew something he didn’t.

 “You’re back”, Yunho mouthed and just glanced Eunhyuk, but turned his look back soon and stared at his essence for a few seconds more now. “Go change your clothes first or you’ll get sick.”

 “But—“, he tried, since he didn’t really feel the need to change even if he was cold as hell. The man just didn’t want to leave and waste more time than was really necessary.

 “Go. Don’t dare to come back before you’re in dry clothes again”, Yunho’s voice was really demanding and probably Eunhyuk didn’t have another choice than to do as he said. But deep inside his head was the feeling Yunho was trying to buy some time for something – and the younger one didn’t like that at all.

 After mere ten minutes he came back, in drier and warmer clothes, as in plain jeans and a gray hoodie. He took a note of that there was Heechul, Kyuhyun, Sungmin, Kangin, Yesung and also Hangeng present. But he didn’t understand why Hangeng was actually there, since he worked mostly for their other sub-group, Eighty-Eight.

 He looked at Eunhyuk and tried to smile him a little, but it wasn’t very encouraging. Yunho seemed to notice his confusion, since he started to explain why Hangeng was there.

 “Hangeng came here to help out with a code”, Yunho said in a low voice that wasn’t calming at all. Eunhyuk was starting to get angrier – his leader knew something and he didn’t want to tell to Eunhyuk. The hesitation was noticeable and the brunette heard it from his leader’s voice which was colder and more distant than usual. And what code?

 “What are you talking about? What code?” Eunhyuk hissed – he wanted answers!

 Hangeng raised his eyes and looked hastily at him.

 “Hangeng…” Yunho pleaded.

 “I’m trying to open this code that came with the email.”

 “What email _?_ What the fuck is this…?” he raised his voice slightly, trying to hold onto the anger boiling inside his veins.

 “It’s from Xiezhi. It came when you were on your way back here. And most likely it’s about Donghwa, since it was titled as  _‘About your little friend’_ ”, Yunho muttered, not even looking at the brunette standing beside him.

 Because he knew what a ticking time bomb he was. His hands were trembling and he felt so incoherent. He wanted to throw things around. Break something.

 Why did he wait for him so damn long in the car? Why didn’t he go at his place sooner?

 No-one said a word in few minutes, while Hangeng was furiously typing something into the laptop in front of him that was placed on the coffee table. Until he suddenly raised his eyebrows and everyone’s attention was at him again.

 “It seems to be a video.”

 Hangeng was able to finally open it, and at first the picture was just dark without any hints of light. But soon it started to lighten up, and a character was taking a shape on the screen. It was quite obvious that the camera wasn’t really a very good quality, when the pixels were so clear to the eyes. After a minute they finally heard something, and it sounded like a raspy breathing. Eunhyuk’s body stiffened at the moment he recognized it and he didn’t notice how he was holding his own breath at the moment.

 They were all startled when someone talked to talk, and they lowered the volume fast. The voice wasn’t a normal one; the person out there was probably talking into a voice converter so his (most likely) voice wasn’t recognizable.

  _“Hello, my friends”_ , the voice started. It was like a typical horror movie voice. They didn’t see anyone talking on the video, but they did saw now a clearer shape of figure; someone sitting on a chair, roped.

 Eunhyuk knew it couldn’t be anyone else than his friend. He recognized that body shape immediately, even though the video was dark and unfocused. The invisible knot around his throat was tightening when the man continued and a light was thrown towards the man on the chair.

  _“Does this man deserve to be punished like this, Yunho?”_

 Eunhyuk wasn’t the only one to gasp when they finally saw Donghwa – and in what condition he was. He only had his pants on, which were now covered in blood and dirt. He hang his head so low, he really seemed to be unconscious at the moment. But someone walked behind him and tugged his hair so his face was visible to the men staring at the video.

 His face was barely recognizable anymore. Both of his eyes were swollen and colored in a deep purple color, and his hairline was bleeding causing the blood covering half of his face even though some of it had already dried down. His nose was absolutely broken and it seemed crooked because of it. He had cut here and there, some deeper like they were done by purpose. But what about here wasn’t done by purpose? If they tried to piss off someone, Eunhyuk would totally say they had nailed it perfectly. And Donghwa’s face wasn’t the only on bruised and covered in blood, his torso also was, and there were even deeper cuts, most likely done with a knife. His right shoulder looked like it was out of its place. Everything seemed so painful.

 The brunette wanted to scream and beat the shit out of the persons who had done this. He couldn’t even watch it anymore, because he was so mad and full of rage – but also because it hurt. Fuck, it hurt so much to see your closest friend like that, almost beaten to death. Donghwa’s state wasn’t even far from that, honestly. His heart felt like bursting into pieces, and he didn’t notice how his feet betrayed under him and he fell onto his knees.

 “Hyukjae…!” It was Sungmin who shouted his name, kneeling beside him when the man’s breaths were sharp and difficult, like he was having a panic attack. “Hyukjae, breathe. Deep breaths.”

 Eunhyuk, who was usually called by his real name only on a special occasion, felt dizzy and his head was ten times heavier than normally. He had seen similar things many times before – fuck it, he was  _used to_  things like this, but this just hit him so hard he couldn’t take it at once.

_“Is this poor soul important enough to get saved? How much do you value his life, Yunho?”_  the man on the video spoke again, and suddenly some other one came to the picture again, now hitting Donghwa with a metal bat on his ribs.

 Eunhyuk cried out loud. He couldn’t stand to watch it.

_“I know you care too much about these wasted humans”_ , the man scoffed,  _“But do you care enough about this one? Or are you ready to sacrifice on soul for many others to be safe?”_

 Everyone knew it was just a sent video file, not an actual video call, but still, some pained stammering came out of the brunette’s mouth when he tried to say ‘ _stop_ ’, but to no avail.

_“You have three days… To play. Do you want to play with money or souls?”_  the raspy voice said,  _“You’ll have a new email in 60 minutes and it tells you the details and address where you come to play._ If  _this one matters to you, it is. We’ll see you soon.”_

 Not many of them had seen their fellow member and a close in a state like this. They were actually confused about this break down, since Eunhyuk was one of the most reliable men in any case. He could kill if he had to, he could torture them too, but this was too much for him.

 Yunho wasn’t sure what he could do in a situation like this. He knew Donghwa that well he understood the man was able to fight for his life, but also give it up if it was the case. But he knew how close Eunhyuk was with Donghwa, maybe even closer than the bare eye saw, and he had the feeling that this was going to be a painful decision.

 But Eunhyuk didn’t think like his leader. He wasn’t someone to give up with Donghwa’s life without a fight either. That man was way too much for him, too close, too dear. They had gone through so much in the years they had known; this wasn’t even the first time one of them was tortured.

 Never had they experienced so much pain than today anyhow. 

 

*  
 

 The next morning came slower than ever before.

 Eunhyuk hadn’t really slept at all, and he couldn’t make him stay longer at the bed than till half eight am. For the most of the night he had just tossed around in his bed, thinking and thinking, way too much than was healthy to do. He wanted to get Donghwa out of the place as soon as possible. All the time he felt like his own body was pressed between something, like he was going to break anytime soon. And his mind was as messed up as his heart.

 He hadn’t even changed his clothes when he marched to his leader’s office, of course finding the man there. Yunho wasn’t very surprised to see Eunhyuk there, but he didn’t like the way how bad the man looked in his eyes.

 “You didn’t sleep at all, didn’t you?” Yunho asked in a quite normal tone, organizing some of his papers and putting them in the maps spread all over his desk.

 “What are we going to do?” Eunhyuk asked hastily, his body almost trembling on his place, probably because of the lack of sleep and anxiousness that was seriously radiating out of the man.

 “You should really rest. We have two more days, Hyuk”, Yunho tried, not giving a look towards his friend.

 “What are we going to do?” the brunette asked again, this time, more demanding and eyes already flaming, though Yunho couldn’t really say was it fear, rage or anxiety, or just all them mixed up.

 “We have time, alright?”

 “What are we going to do for fuck’s sake?!” the man was suddenly yelling, totally out of his normal essence, almost startling his leader when he hit the desk with his raw fist. He had never seen his friend like this, looking like… He had almost given up, or not exactly that, but the expression he had was so agonized he couldn’t believe Eunhyuk was able to get so down.

 “Hyukjae, calm down…” Yunho tried, calmer, but it seemed to only thrown more oil into the flames.

 “What the fuck is wrong with you! Who the hell you are? Did you really think that we shouldn’t do anything, but just let them kill him like that…?”

 There was only tensed silence, and Eunhyuk heard enough from that.

 “You really did, didn’t you…?” he hissed with hateful eyes, with a look Yunho didn’t think he would ever see towards him.

 “Hyukjae, I have to think everyone else too—“

 “Then give them me instead! I don’t care! All of my money, anything!”

 “Why are you doing this?”

 “Why am _I_  doing this? Because I love him! He’s my best friend, like a brother to me! He’s my friend and my family – like this mafia  _supposed to be_  to you, but I’m not so sure about that anymore”, Eunhyuk snarled, he was like a raging bear ready to broke anything on his way to pieces.

 “This _is_  my family! Jesus Christ, I’m trying to think about other lives too! If I save one and lose ten, is it worth it?!” Yunho shouted, also angrier and his frustrations yelled towards his friend. His whole body was tensed, his hands clenched into fists and he was really trying to keep his calm. “You don’t understand what kind of decisions I really need to make sometimes!”

 “ _Then let me go!_  I’ll do it alone then! I just can’t—“ Eunhyuk’s voice broke and tears started to finally flood down his paled cheeks, “I can’t leave him die like that!”

 Sometimes Yunho thought he was way too soft for his job and for his own good. He wasn’t that good to keep up a cold and indifferent mask when it came to his ‘employees’, his  _friends_. And this brunette was one of the youngest, but also one of the people Yunho really trusted most. He also admired the way Eunhyuk was ready to give his own life for someone else. Not any man was able to offer that.

 “Please. I’m sorry, Hyukjae. Please, let’s talk—“

 His friend was only twenty-two, when Yunho was several years older than him. He understood the furiousness in him, that desire to do everything for something he cared more than his own life in this cold world. He knew Donghwa well too, and that man was just the same. And how they trusted each other, relied on each other, admired and helped each other. It was probably one of the closes friendships Yunho had ever witnessed – probably even the closest.

 “I can’t lose him like that. I can’t lose him without a fight, Yunho…”

 


	12. Reset

**9** ** th ** **of December 2010**

 The pain had started to take control of his body, and not for long he was able to remain conscious. He was constantly lingering on the edge and tried to open his eyes, but eventually the pain always drew the longer straw.

 But even asleep he felt the torment of the aches. The dreams kept him rewinding the torture over and over again, but not always the same way he had experienced it. Occasionally it was Hyukjae in his dreams, and he couldn’t do anything. He had tried to scream and run, tried to save his friend, but something or someone was always holding onto him, preventing him to help. And it was probably even more agonizing to take.

 The darkness suddenly decreased and some light stole its place. He tried to open his eyes once again, but they were so swollen he wasn’t capable to see anything but blur. Some noises made their way into his ears, yet he was still too out of it to really identify them. All he was able to recognize was the bitter and iron smell and the feel of dried blood on his skin. He couldn’t really think about anything coherent either, but in his heart he felt the clench, and he really wanted to cry out everything, but the exhaustion was too much to bear with.

 Not long after he had fallen unconscious again.

 

*

 

**11 th of December 2010**

The silent echoes of his steps in the abandoned factory didn’t ease the man’s feelings. The place was cold, most of the windows broken and letting the wind blow through, and the years old structures were stained into rust, not making the place looking welcoming at all. Of course, since it was obviously just a random distant place to meet up with your enemy. No-one didn’t care about the abandoned buildings, so it would be easy to leave the killed ones behind, no-one to find but to just weeks, months or even years later.

  Eunhyuk clenched his fingers tighter around the briefcase’s handle while tried keep himself calm and look around just as was necessary. He didn’t want anyone to see his fear and anxiety, even though he really doubted that since his hands and neck were already covered in cold sweat, his heartbeat was just increasing and his body felt so heavy under the mental pressure. He was hundred percent sure someone would sense his fear.

 He knew he had a gun inside his breast pocket, but he wasn’t so sure about would it help him at all. Eunhyuk didn’t even know who he was going to meet exactly. It was a fact it was Xiezhi, but the mafia had been quite inconspicuous for over the last six months. He had heard some rumors that the leader of the mafia had changed. He had no clue about that who the new leader would be, and neither did anyone of his friends.

 The man stopped in the middle of the floor and glanced around. It was silent, but he sensed he wasn’t alone anymore. And it didn’t take even three minutes until he saw four men walking towards him from the opposite direction; one man ahead of them, and two larger men pulling a miserable looking man between them.

 He gulped anxiously and shifted the weight of his body to his left leg, staring at the man in front of them with fiery eyes. The anger inside him started to boil again.

 Donghwa was barely recognizable… His head was held low, but he saw the darkened hues of blood covering his face and upper body.  Face full of cuts and the bruises were more likely a one big bruise, now in deeper shade of purple. His middle body was bruised too, wounded and sore, and Eunhyuk was sure just one broken rib bone wasn’t enough, not to even mention about the male’s right arm which was in a crooked position.

 If he could have, he would have taken at least half of the pain for himself instead of letting his best friend receive everything.

 The man standing few feet away from him seemed familiar. He had seen that guy before, but those two ‘guards’ were definitely untitled to him.

 “Well, well. You definitely aren’t Yunho, but I guess you’re one of them. Or are the rest hiding somewhere?” the man sneered, his hands tucked inside’s his long leather jacket’s pockets.

 “I came alone”, Eunhyuk mouthed indifferently, but staring at the man intensively.

 “Ha, I thought he’d be smart enough to give up at least with this one. This guy doesn’t seem very important to your little mafia anyway.”

 Eunhyuk tightened his grip around the case’s handle again, biting the insides of his mouth.

 “Yunho doesn’t know. I’m alone here”, he said coldly, just stating the truth. He was alone there; without any extra help.

 “Oh, I see”, the male smirked. Eunhyuk still couldn’t remember this guy’s name.

 “I have the same amount of money that you wanted from Yunho, but these are all my own”, he said. Truthfully, he wasn’t so proud of what he was doing. He felt like he was in the crossfire. Thinking about his gang, this felt selfish to do if there would have been more people included. But now he was alone, letting the others out of this.

 This was now  _personal_ , and he knew they had been told that never start a personal war. It would always include people in the end which didn’t have anything to do with it from the beginning.

 “You think it’s enough?” the man scoffed, “The most wanted thing was Yunho himself. Money is just means.”

 “What about a trade-off?” Eunhyuk swallowed the dry saliva that was left anymore in his mouth, not daring to look any other way than straight into the enemy’s eyes. But he noticed that Donghwa was starting to get back to consciousness.

 “Tch, we gave him some real pain killers so he could maybe talk for a while. They beat him up pretty bad.”

 Donghwa started to gather some strength on his legs and pulled himself up. He opened his swollen eyes, but the swelling had decreased a little and he was finally able to see something. Everything hurt like hell, but it was more bearable than twelve hours ago.

 “So, what would you trade then, hmm?”

 Eunhyuk looked at the man and hoped it would do. He didn’t have any other plans. Three against one to fight would have been a bit too much.

 “Myself for his life”, he said, without any stammering. The brunette was damn serious; he just wanted his best friend out of here as soon as possible. He wasn’t sure how he would handle failure.

 But right then, Donghwa cleaned his throat and coughed, pained eyes darker and mad.

 “What—the fuck—are you talking—about…? Stop—that!” Donghwa’s voice wasn’t clear, it was raspy and talking seemed difficult, and he needed deep breaths between. But he couldn’t just let that idiot to do something that stupid. Hyukjae’s life for his mauled one? No way… His body was already broken. He had secrets even his best friend didn’t know. He should not bother to save a man who was already just two steps from hell.

 The brunette male standing in front of the three enemies, dressed very plainly in dark jeans, black hoodie and a black leather jacket, was very aware what this game was to the other side. They just wanted to test Yunho. Xiezhi wanted to see how much he cared about his members, and how far the leader was ready to go because of them. The man had probably lost much of his men along the way, and it was supposed to be this way in a mafia. Any day might have been your or your friend’s last. This was a test to see how much pressure Yunho could take. Eunhyuk feelings or opinions didn’t mean a shit for his enemy, but obviously, they would take advantage of it if it was possible. And this time, it was.

 “How sweet. You want to die so this scabby piece of dirt could live?” The man in front of Eunhyuk was cold, indifferent and arrogant. He just saw how he enjoyed this game of lives.

 “I don’t care about me, just let him go –“, he stated, his dark eyes dull of color or any life. There were many things he regretted, but this was one thing he didn’t want to regret. At least he had to try something.

 “…You…damn brat—are you—stupid or what…? You… You don’t do this—because of me, Hyukjae…” Donghwa snarled, angry all over his exhausted face. He still couldn’t speak well, his mouth was so dry and every breath hurt because of his broken ribs. Eunhyuk didn’t look at him, but stared at the Xiezhi’s man who had come to meet him.

 “Tch, are you sure you want this,  _Hyukjae_?”

 “It’s my decision.”

 “Let’s play a little the Russian roulette this time, alright?” the man sneered and pulled a silvery revolver out of his jacket. “There’s just one bullet in here.” He whirled the cylinder with his fingers and pushed it back on its place.

 “Hyukjae, no! Don’t—do this!” Donghwa said with multiple coughs, trying to pull himself free from the guard’s tight grip, not yet making it. “You stupid fucker—no!”

 “One—“, the man between them said slowly, pulled the trigger – but nothing happened. No bullet this time. “—two”, he mouthed, but still no avail. “Three—“

 “NO!”

 The yell and the shot echoed inside the old factory at the same time, but as soon the noises came, as hastily they disappeared.

 Two men were lying on the floor, but some slow seconds after the other on sat up, seeing how the warm, deep red liquid started to paint the floor.

 “ _…no_ ”, Eunhyuk whispered powerlessly, bending forwards and pulling the limp body on his lap. He didn’t care how the blood suffused his hand when he touched Donghwa’s bare chest. His body was already colored in red, but now getting a new layer of the fluid. The younger man felt how the warmness was slowly fading away, while he kept stroking the face that once had the most glorious smiles, grins and smirks, and he understood he would not see them anymore in the future.

 This was not the way he had planned his own, or Donghwa’s life. He had always thought they’d life forever – or at least to their eighties, working for the mafia and staying friends, never stopping the arguing or bickering, or the stupid jokes. It wasn’t supposed to end this way. Donghwa was the one who should have lived, not him.

 Hot tears had already started to run on his face, and he didn’t have a slightest idea if it had been minutes or hours since the shot came. He didn’t care. His body started to tremble besides the silent sobs, but he didn’t care.

 Biting his lips, and not caring about the blood bursting inside his mouth, he caressed the man’s face, trying to swipe away the blood that was already there, and what had stained it because of his bloody fingers.

 “Fuck you.  _Fuck you_ , Donghwa”, he snarled, but it was barely audible to anyone else than himself. He stroked the almost pitch-black bangs off of the elder’s eyes, which were already closed eternally.

 It wasn’t supposed to end this way.

 

_It was supposed to be me._

 


	13. Bittersweet

 The older man sitting on the left side of the strawberry blonde didn’t dare to look at the other, whose sorrowful cries beside the occasionally blowing wind were the only ones he heard at the moment.

 It had been hard enough to try to stop his own, in which he had only failed miserably. He tried to press his lips together and blink his eyes to stop the tears flowing, which was just pointless. He didn’t want to be weak, but at the moment he couldn’t be anything else. Not that he think that crying was unmanly, but he just didn’t want to let his walls fall down so easily after he had kept them up for so long.

 His head held low, nails digging into his palms he swallowed audibly and straightened his back, only to see the tears pouring down on Donghae’s soft-looking face.

 Donghae had his lower lip between his teeth, clenching them so roughly together he tasted the iron inside his mouth already. The black hoodie was still over his head, and he kind of hoped it could act as a shield or a curtain for him, so Eunhyuk wouldn’t see the grief so clearly on his face.

 But who was he trying to bluff? He was crying as hard as when he heard about his brother’s death for the first time. He was crying out everything he felt – all the feelings he could or couldn’t explain.

 Eunhyuk’s chest was hurting like hell – all this pained him so much it felt like someone was trying to rip his heart off with its bare hands. He had tried to bury all the feelings about this, only to get all the wounds opened again.

 “I am so sorry…” the blond haired man breathed warily, “I am so sorry, Donghae…” He pushed his long fingers through his hair and inhaled heavily. It felt so wrong, everything felt so damn  _wrong_. It wasn’t supposed to go this way…

 Slowly, Donghae’s sobs started to calm down a little, though the pain didn’t ever leave him thoroughly. The boy wiped the tear-soaked cheeks of his, and turned to look at his leader with an expression filled with something like…empathy. He wasn’t sure was that all, but Eunhyuk couldn’t focus enough to guess else.

 “Don’t—don’t apologize… You don’t have a reason for that… No-one deserves to die that young, but…you did everything…and beyond, to try to not let it happen. If there’s any reason to apologize, I—I’ve already forgiven you.”

 The dark orbs had watered again, and exhaustedly he closed his eyes for a moment. He didn’t think he deserved any of this from Donghae. He didn’t even want to believe in his words. He wanted to blame himself for anything, although he had always tried to find a reason not to, he just couldn’t stop it.

 “W—why? I don’t deserve that…”

 Something flickered in Donghae’s eyes, but the older couldn’t figure out what it was.

 “Stop. Just… _don’t._  I  _am_  angry, I am mad and this  _hurts_  so fucking much, I would want to let everything out – but  would that change anything anymore?” he stated with a just found, tiny strength.

 Because what Eunhyuk had tried to because of his brother,  _for_  his brother, he just realized how much the man had done for him back then, even if it didn’t save his brother’s life. Donghae didn’t know, he didn’t even understand at all – but he just couldn’t find a reason to start to  _hate_  this man next to him. He was angry towards the man who had killed Donghwa; those guys who had first tortured him for three days in a row and then just killed him like his life didn’t mean anything. And for them it probably didn’t.

 Eunhyuk was staring at the younger boy in awe, looking at him in a different light. This boy was brave – arrogant brat sometimes – but there seemed to be much more surprises than just the ones he had already faced. He definitely wasn’t thinking like this when he was at Donghae’s age. Years ago he was hot-tempered and rash adolescent idiot.

 He swallowed the saliva inside his mouth, down his throat and wanted to argue about this, but wasn’t sure could he find any right words for it. He clenched his jaw, and it felt like something snapped inside his head a little. He wanted to think he didn’t want, or need forgiveness to move on. He didn't deserve to move on from the beginning.

 “Don’t you understand? Donghae, I’m… I’m bad till the day I die. I’ve done so much sinful things in my life. I’ve killed people because I was ordered to. And all of my ten fingers aren’t even enough to count all the victims. Everything I’ve done is outside of the laws. Don’t you see anything wrong with that?”

 Donghae scrunched his nose, slightly more annoyed but trying to keep his calm.

 “What happened after…after the shot…?” he asked, changing the subject somehow, his mind spinning.

 The blonde moved his eyes to the grass underneath his shoes and closed his eyes with a low sigh.

 “I…” he started, but wasn’t sure how to keep going exactly. He looked to the opposite direction from Donghae, clearly trying to avoid any eye contact. “They… They took me. They held me there… For some days, I’m not sure how many, the days being there are all just blur to me. They did some same things to me as they did for Donghwa. I didn’t care though. They hurt me, but I can’t even memorize any physical pain. I remember only the pain inside my heart. When they released me – Yunho said it was a week later – I—I heard police had found his body…dumped somewhere, like a trash…And I just hoped it could have been me”, his voice trailed off, somewhere into his own thoughts, eyes duller again.

 He didn’t see how Donghae was looking at him, eyes wider, but just waiting for the first tears to start falling again. He didn’t push them back, but he didn’t sob this time. He couldn’t stop thinking how much the people had really hurt this blonde physically then, after all that mental pain they had already done. And what an idiot this man really was.

 But he wiped his tears on his sleeve and stood up abruptly, stepping in front of the older male and grabbing on the collar of his shirt and pulling him up.

 Hyukjae was so surprised and too exhausted to actually react faster before he had already received a sharp punch straight into his left cheek. He stumbled backwards and eventually fell on his ass on the ground. He really hadn’t expected this, and while he touched the stinging side of his face he raised his eyes to the strawberry blonde boy who was angrily snarling at him.

He couldn’t disclaim that he didn’t deserve the punch, but wasn’t it kind of against the words the boy had said just mere minutes ago?

 Donghae was now furious, clenching his nails deeper into his palms and gritting his teeth until he let the frustrations out.

 “ _Fuck you!_  Do you think Donghwa would like you to act like this?! I bet he would have done the same and punched you hard straight into the face so he could have added some sense into you! This isn’t easy for me either, but Jesus fucking Christ, stop blaming yourself for everything! You didn’t kill my brother; you tried to  _save_  him! But if you should have died there, then you’d died and you wouldn’t be here now! He would have kicked your ass because of this pity party of yours! We have  _both_  lost him, but we can’t get him back. I’ve never let my feelings about this out before to anyone else, and I doubt you really have either. So get up!”

 Eunhyuk stared at him, totally dumbstruck, though he started to realize this boy was, probably, absolutely right.

 “ _W-what?_ ”

 “Get up, I said!” Donghae growled, and because the blonde didn’t do anything, he bent over him and pulled him up again – just to kick his abdomen with his knee. The blonde yelped, but since he was kind of used to dealing with pain, it didn’t hurt actually, he was just so  _confused_ , but all the feelings just took over him before he even realized what he soon would be doing.

 “Punch me.”

 And Eunhyuk did.

 He didn’t really have a reason, but Donghae was purposely provoking him – and as already said, though he was older these days, but he still had that slightly hot-headed behavior in situations like this. After few punches and kicks, he was surprised that Donghae was able to prevent some of them from happening, and in his mind he thanked his friends for teaching this kid.

 “Donghwa wouldn’t want you to think as you do. You should show him that you aren’t as pitiful as you seem to be!”

 His best friend’s name hurt in his ears and he actually apologized to the older brother inside his mind for hurting Donghae now, although this ‘fight’ didn’t stand for _hate_. He saw the satisfaction glimmering in the younger’s eyes, and he couldn’t say he didn't feel something similar… Because he had never really talked about this to anyone, and now, after he had let the story out, he was already starting to feel freer from its chains.

 Donghae didn’t even try to stop, because he just felt that this would help them both. He had never let his feelings out, neither had the other, but now they had this wicked chance to do. And yes, the younger provoked the other plainly on purpose, craving for the adrenaline it caused.

 Muscles tensed and teeth gritted closed they kept hitting and punching each other. Donghae didn’t care about this kind of violence, because the feelings weren’t same. This didn’t hurt him mentally, because he was sure they would be able to stop if it would get too much for either of them. But it didn’t, and eventually they were honestly wrestling on the grass' level, Donghae‘s hand circled around the elder’s neck, though, not too tightly, but blocking the other to escape too easily. Both of them were panting heavily, sweat almost dripping down their foreheads or necks.

 Eunhyuk groaned and tried to writhe himself free, but Donghae’s right leg was turned over his thighs and he couldn’t really move himself in the grip.

 “Fuck—you’re insane, Donghae”, Eunhyuk hissed, but he was starting to get tired as Donghae did too. His own hands were trying to get a grip of the boy’s forearms, but he didn’t succeed.

 “Wouldn’t say you’re sane either”, he scoffed with heavy breathes, but was soon pushed so roughly on his back against the ground he let his grip loose around Eunhyuk’s neck when all the air ran away out of his lungs. He gasped for air, and it didn’t really help when the blonde straddled him and sat down on his hips and smirked in victory at the same time.

 “Have you had enough?” the older asked, pressing Donghae’s arms against the ground with his own. While the younger was panting there, forehead slightly sweaty, but eyes still fierce, he felt a weird churning inside his stomach.

 “Are you tired already, old man?” Donghae sneered.

 He wasn’t even that old – he was actually twenty-four, so he was six years older than the boy. Eunhyuk narrowed his eyes, but wasn’t able to answer anything since Donghae decided to ignore his possible want to say something back at him.

 “I admit my defeat  –  if you promise to stop living in the past. Let’s start a new era.”

 The blonde, whose face had started to bruise around his eye and lower lip that had taken some hits, looked a bit taken aback, but altogether he had to admit he felt better – much better actually after letting everything finally out. The eighteen year old's face wasn’t any better than Eunhyuk’s; his upper and lower lip both had cuts, and his cheek and jaw definitely had bruises. But the feelings were quite mutual, and he didn’t regret this battling at all.

 Eunhyuk exhaled heavily, but his dark orbs didn’t stop staring at the younger when he accepted the idea.

 “Alright”, he breathed a bit tiredly now, straightening his back but not yet getting up, since he kind of liked to look at the strawberry blonde’s determined expression – even though he wouldn’t admit that out loud inside his own head. “Are we even now?”

 “Yeah”, Donghae mouthed, a little oblique grin – or smile, whatever it was – hovering on his face.

 The blonde just hummed and finally stood up, grasping onto the younger’s hand and helping him stand up. Donghae’s moves were a little stiff, but his leader only snickered to him lightly and tried to swipe the possible dirt off of his own clothes.

 It was dark already, but the sky was cloudless and the silvery moon was lighting up everything in its hue. In Seoul, Donghae rarely saw any stars. He glanced towards the sky a little teary-eyed, mut still smiling a little, while Eunhyuk was already starting to head back to the mansion. The teen soon limped after him, ignoring his sore muscles.

 “Hey…!” he called out, thinking if this was a good idea or not to ask this.

 “What?” Eunhyuk huffed, glancing over his shoulder and raising an eyebrow for Donghae’s crooked grin.

 “Can I… Can I call you  _Hyukjae_?”

 “Why?”

 At least the blonde didn’t sound angry… More like abashed, honestly.

 “It’s your real name right? It suits you better.”

 “Ugh, whatever you want”, Hyukjae muttered, not really sure about what difference did it make with anything. And it didn’t really matter anyways, since nowadays even his enemies knew the real name of his.

 A toothy smile peeked from between Donghae’s lips, but the older didn’t notice it at all while staring straight forward. The strawberry blonde pulled the hood off of his head, staring at the sky again with a shyer smile.

... _Thank you, Donghwa._

 


	14. Talks, deeds and thoughts

“What the hell happened to you two? Did you get hit by a truck or something?” Kyuhyun snickered clearly amused, but also very surprised.

After Hyukjae and Donghae had returned to the mansion, they both had gone straight to their own beds since the tiredness and sleepiness was fast getting a grip of them. On the next morning, arriving to the kitchen almost at the same time, Hyukjae some ten seconds behind Donghae, everyone else were already there now seeing the purplish results of their little stress reliever fight.

“Shut your filthy mouth, Cho”, Eunhyuk snarled and went to pour a cup of hot, black coffee for himself and sat down at the table and honestly, not looking very charming at the moment. But neither did Donghae.

“So, you did talk?” Sungmin asked while munching some cereals at the same time.

“We did”, Donghae mumbled and took some juice from the fridge, sitting on the stool beside the blonde since there weren’t any other places available anymore.

“Do you have some kind of anger issues?” Yesung asked, frown on his forehead though he wasn’t actually serious, but he was very good acting like he was right now.

“What? No—“, the two bruise-faced answered at the same time, which shut them down hastily.

Donghae wasn’t even able to look at the others right now, because he started to get embarrassed because of the situation.

The others though seemed to get a lot of fun because of them, and the twitches on their lips were evident for Hyukjae too, but he just tried to ignore them. Why it was so damn fun to see both of them faces full of bruises?

The last one to arrive in the kitchen was Heechul, who immediately noticed the kind of tensed atmosphere, but he also understood it was all because the guys tried to keep their laughter down on their throats. He raised an eyebrow towards the two who indeed looked like they were hit by one hell of a truck, even though it was clear that they had been fighting with their fists.

He was amazed though, because clearly they had gone physical, but they didn’t have that I-want-to-kill-you-aura around them. Hyukjae and Donghae looked more like they really had gotten some weight off of their shoulders.

And soon a sly grin was plastered on his face too because he could really take some advantage of that – by teasing these two to death.

“Oh well, I wouldn’t have thought you liked it that rough”, he stated – and it was it. The three who had already tried so hard to keep their reputations in order, exploded into mad howls of unmanly laughter.

It took some seconds for Donghae to understand the not so hidden meaning of Heechul’s opinion, and right now he was pleased that his face was already so darkly colored, the fluster on his face would go mostly unnoticed.

“Shut the fuck up...” the blond leader hissed behind his coffee cup, averting his eyes from his idiotic so-called friends. But no, it just increased their crazy fit, Sungmin trying to hard not to fall from his stool when Yesung leaned against his trembling shoulder. And Kim Heechul seemed very pleased with these reactions.

“I provoked him—“, Donghae mumbled, but noticed his mistake and hastily continued, “...to punch me! I provoked him to punch me after I hit him first.” Donghae’s words seemed to go for deaf ears, though they seemed to keep laughing even more, even though they were already out of breath.

“That’s useless, those airheads won’t listen to you right now”, Hyukjae sighed, trying to sound as normal as he was able to, since Donghae wasn’t exactly the only one a bit flushed here. “Idiots, go somewhere else to take your last breaths!” he groaned, and fortunately those three eventually were able to get up from their asses and move somewhere else to be stupid.

And finally, the kitchen was having a piece of little peace, before something would crack again.

Heechul anyway stayed there, since he didn’t bawl there like an idiot, although he had that shit-eating grin on his face too. But he was silent, so the blonde really tried to tolerate him.

Hyukjae stood up and walked to the fridge when he didn’t hear his friends’ howls anywhere near anymore, and grabbed two frozen bags from the freezer. He turned towards Donghae and swayed his hand which was holding the other bag.

“Catch”, he mouthed when he got Donghae’s eyes on him and threw the bag to the younger who easily caught the item.

“Thanks”, the strawberry blonde muttered and placed the cold bag against the aching side of his face, sighing when the coldness already started to ease the throbbing pain.

Hyukjae did the same, but put the icy thing mostly over his nose and left eye. The feeling was almost heavenly.

The mahogany haired man went to pour himself another cup of tea, when he started the conversation again. It was evident his steps were still cautious and he didn’t give too much weight for his injured leg.

“So, you ended up fighting and beating the shit out of each other?” Heechul asked and tucked the spoon inside his mouth and walked back to his own place, placing his elbows against the table and staring at the two meaningfully.

The leader was now sitting few stools away from Donghae, though his presence didn’t bother him, not at all, but maybe the younger would like some distance after that bitch fit their friends just had. And actually he had a better view of the younger’s face. He was able to see his expressions well now. He noticed Heechul’s eyes on him and he tried to arrange the words somehow for answer inside his head.

“Donghae started it”, Hyukjae muttered, smirking slightly with his eyes, purposely trying to annoy the younger a little more. It was funny – annoyed Donghae was amusing and somehow… Could he really say cute…?

Donghae indeed seemed get offended, just a little, which was enough for the older.

“You know I tried to put some sense into your beanie-brains”, the boy grumbled and shot a death glare towards the blonde.

Heechul snorted and observed those two with curious eyes. Donghae acted much like his older brother, but still it was somehow different – and Heechul easily saw that the connection between these two was somehow special, in a good way.

“Anyway, we didn’t fight for real. It was kind of”, Hyukjae paused, thinking the best words to explain this. “I don’t know… I guess he’s right”, he sighed in the end.

“So you’re on good terms now?” Heechul asked, just to be sure. Something in Hyukjae’s eyes had actually changed. His eyes weren’t as dull as they were before.

Both of them just nodded, since it was hard to make up anything to say. They had fought under impulse, just letting everything out but still kind of knowing where the limit was.

“You know, next time you want relieve stress just go to the gym and beat the shit out of the punching bag instead of beating each other. Or for all means, just have sex. I don’t care. Someone might think you two are really insane if you keep doing that”, Heechul said with his poker face on and left the kitchen with his crutch under his armpit. Though, he walked backwards back into the kitchen, and eyed those two embarrassed faces with a smirk, saying;

“By the way Hyukjae, I guess we should talk about the incident itself now when you have cleared everything between you.”

The blond cleared his throat, realizing that it would be very reasonable at the moment.

“How about in fifteen minutes?”

“I’ll inform others then.”

“Good”, Hyukjae muttered and took his cup into the dishwasher. But when he turned back, Donghae was spacing off with weird look on his face.

“What’s with you now?” he asked calmly, but took a note of the reddish ears. Was he blushing? He chuckled silently and cocked his eyebrow teasingly and leaned against the table with his palm, putting his flirt-mode on. He was very curious to see what would be the reaction to his next words. Probably more blushing.

“Want to have a round of hot—” he asked with a huskier voice, and he had to really hold his laughter when he saw the frightened look on the younger’s face. Damn, that was comical.

“In your dreams!” Donghae growled stopping the older in the middle of the sentence and stood up abruptly from his seat. Hyukjae clearly sensed how annoyed he was, but he also saw the reddening face. And right now it just satisfied the older even more.

“I was just joking, no need to get so worked up!” he yelled after him, leaning against the doorway and snickering by himself.

“Get lost!” Donghae shouted from the end of the corridor, obviously close to his own room now. 

“Don't forget the meet-up in ten minutes!”

And soon he heard the slam of the door, and Hyukjae stroked his hand through his blond hair, sneering quietly. He knew Donghae didn’t take that seriously, but it was enough fun for him to see him blushing like that. He was still a teenager nevertheless he was almost nineteen or not.

But when he was alone, it was hard to stop thinking about Donghae overall, his flushed face or chocolate eyes, or the look he had yesterday night after they had been fighting and he was pinning the younger under him.

'And what the hell is wrong with me…!'

He eventually he groaned, not understanding why his mind was playing stupid games with him. He hurried himself into his own room at the second floor and decided to take a cold shower which would clear his mind a bit.

 

*

 

Approximately fifteen minutes later Hyukjae arrived to the living room, being the last one. Everyone else from the breakfast-episode was there, also Donghae, who was sitting beside Heechul on the other couch. The three others had obviously laughed themselves to near unconscious, but looked a bit more decent right now anyway.

The leader hadn’t really have the time to think about the incident from the previous day, but when he was showering he tried to recall the happening again.

“About yesterday”, he started, sitting on the armrest of the couch across the other were Sungmin, Kyuhyun and Yesung sat. “What do you guys think about it? In my opinion it was some kind of attempt start fuzz between our men. Mostly me and Donghae, though, but anyway… But I guess G-Dragon failed with that, since we’re good now.”

The others mostly had this serious looks on their faces, but they didn’t seem to be too surprised about the event.

“I think he’s just trying to raise the heat between Shiwang and Xiezhi. They want power, they want to anger us enough to start a real war someday in the near future if they keep doing things like that”, Kyuhyun said with his colder voice, and it almost sounded like he didn’t really care about this.

“Yunho is not going to fall for that easily”, Heechul stated, and it was the truth. It wasn’t easy to provoke their boss.

“Maybe not Yunho, but someone else then”, the curly haired man continued and glanced Hyukjae meaningfully, most likely referring to Donghwa’s death.

“Right.”

“You’re GD’s biggest rival anyway, isn’t it obvious?”

“Yeah, I’m aware of the fact that he would like to slaughter me personally”, Hyukjae scoffed and leaned his cheek against his palm. At least he hadn’t done much to annoy the enemy lately. “But G-Dragon is just an underboss. No-one still really knows who the real leader there is. I don’t understand why that guy is hiding behind guys like GD.”

“I’ve heard so many rumors it’s impossible to figure out the truth”, Sungmin muttered and had a bit frustrated look in his eyes. “I always ask people what have they have heard but there’s nothing enlightening information coming, seriously.”

“Yunho apparently suspects something, but he isn’t telling because he still isn’t sure”, the blonde sighed, stretching his back in boredom.

“How did they know we were at the restaurant anyway?” Yesung asked, opening his mouth for the first time after Donghae came into the living room.

“Who knows; maybe they got lucky, and someone saw us when we were going in. Or someone at the restaurant noticed us and told them. Or they had someone spying on us. Maybe someone of the staff is some freelancer for them. Maybe we have a traitor – but seriously, in my opinion that’s not so important right now. They have done it before; it’s not the first time. But I don’t say you should overlook that either. Just keep your eyes and ears open and inform me or Yunho about that”, Hyukjae reasoned. It would be waste of time to start suspecting everyone; they had better things to do than send watchdogs after everyone. “And don’t let that bastard get a grip of you.”

“I don’t believe there could be traitors, right huh?” Sungmin muttered with wide eyes, eyeing them all.

No-one seemed to object or had nothing else to say about that. Hyukjae clasped his hands together and stood up from the armrest.

“Okay, you guys are dismissed”, he mouthed, but when Donghae also stood up he prevented him for leaving by placing his hand against the boy’s chest. “But not you. We’re going to meet Yunho”, he said with a slight smirk.

Donghae’s eyes widened a little. He hadn’t met the leader ever once, and suddenly he had to? It made him anxious.

“W-why?” he muttered and pushed the man’s hand away. It felt weird to have him touch him, somehow.

“He wants to meet all the new members personally. He’s not a monster, he’s actually kind of nice”, the older smiled shortly, “And he will talk about some formalities crap and so on.”

“Uh, alright. We’re going right now?” Donghae almost stumbled with his words, since wasn’t really sure what to think about this. He hadn’t expected this, even though it was probably inevitable eventually.

“Yup”, the man said and went to grab his black blazer from the outer hallway, “Go get your jacket, let’s go.”

Donghae did as he was ordered and put on his sneakers and took his jacket, then followed the guy out of the mansion to the parking lot where the blonde decided that they were going to use his more normal car this time; as in the most expensive version of his Hyundai Genesis.

 

*

 

The younger felt a bit out of place that day, though the morning had been fine, but the conversation few minutes ago made him feel so new and like a dumb fledgling. He tried to keep up with everything they said and suck all the information inside his head, but there was so much more than met the eye and it made him fidgety.

The beginning of the car ride was silent, but neither of them felt it was uncomfortable. Eventually Donghae just got bored and thought he could as well talk about something, or more like ask some questions that lingered around his head. He still remembered the conversation with Shindong some weeks ago, but he preferred to hear about those things from Hyukjae.

“How did you…end up in a mafia?” he asked with a soft voice full of curiosity, though he wanted to go as far it was comfortable for the other.

Hyukjae turned the wheel and the car drove to the highway. They were heading to Incheon, though the younger didn’t have any idea where they were going to meet with Yunho. The older leaned his left elbow on the windowsill and glanced the boy.

“I was fourteen when I met some boys that were the same age as me, and they belonged to Shiwang. I didn’t know about that first but later I understood what they were usually talking about”, he muttered and stared somewhere ahead, clearly remembering those times. Donghae turned his eyes to look at the blond, focusing on the details what he was talking about.

At that age the boys didn’t do much, the thing was just to belong to the gang. Most of the time they just hanged around, but sometimes the oldest ones left to meet up with the people day were dealing drugs. It didn’t take too long for him to get used to the talks, the glimpses of the guns inside their pockets, or the blank, terrified faces after bloody fights or shooting someone.

“Few months later I got to know your brother”, Hyukjae murmured.

Donghwa had been part of it some months longer than him and he knew more people and more details about the gang life. In the end they ended up as friends, and the slightly younger Hyukjae used to relay on the older boy. Donghae’s brother didn’t take Hyukjae with him if he had a job to do, but after half a year the boy insisted to come along and get something to do too.

“Two years later I was already dealing drugs and stuff.”

“You…you haven’t…” Donghae didn’t exactly know how to put up his words. He didn’t want to offend the other anyhow.

“I never tried anything else but weed, once, and it was enough”, the blond snorted, not really wanting to memorize that night.

And the strawberry blonde kept listening to the other a bit surprised that Hyukjae was so open to talk about those things. But maybe it was because he didn’t need to ‘hide’ about that he knew his brother or anything like that anymore.

Donghwa got him more into the mafia and they started to do many jobs together; jobs from dealing to extortion and even traveling to different countries – like China – to do contracts under the name of Shiwang.

“But still I was able to graduate from high school even if I worked for the mafia too. I guess Donghwa told Yunho something about the problems in school, and maybe Yunho then forced the principal to let me graduate. That old man seemed to be afraid of me after talking with Shiwang’s leader…” Hyukjae smirked a little, stopping the car on the traffic lights and peering the younger from the corner of his eyes. “There was nothing special though… How about you?” he asked and turned his eyes back to the lights and stepped harder on the gas when the light turned to yellow, then green.

It felt actually really good to be that trustworthy in the other’s eyes so he really talked about his past to Donghae. He was really glad about that. It gave him a feeling he wasn’t so out of everything.

“Uh-huh, what about me?” he asked a bit nervously, not being sure what Hyukjae did want to hear.

“Anything?”

Donghae looked at the streets passing by outside of the window. Even the drizzle didn’t really dispirit his mood. He felt okay, and it was good enough.

“So… My parents died when I was a kid – but I guess you knew that already?”

Hyukjae nodded to him.

“I don’t remember much about my real parents… I have some memories but somehow everything else is very blurred in my head. But the first two years with our new ‘parents’ were quite normal, but we never got close. And after that…that douchebag started to drink and eventually beat us. Usually Donghwa, because I was younger and smaller…” the boy muttered and his voice lowed a little. Mere think of his foster parents made him angry and bitter.

“But when Donghwa moved out there was only me to beat up”, he almost hissed, “And I really – I really tried to improve at least with my school but I guess it was a waste of time. I have dyslexia so I had to do at least three times more work to keep up with the others. Of course even teachers or my foster parents didn’t want to believe that. They wanted to think I was just being lazy and arrogant brat.”

“What is that exactly…?” Hyukjae asked, slightly cautiously, like it would broke the other.

“Dyslexia? I can’t read well. The letters start to mix up and it’s so hard to try to understand what some texts are about. Even if I eventually know what there is written, I might not understand it. I can’t understand rhymes. When I write, my sentences don’t always make any sense or they are full of typos or grammar mistakes. I was almost four when I started to really talk. So, high school was literally from the ass. And the thought of going to university was just a joke for me”, Donghae scoffed, hands crossed on his chest. “And if I get really nervous I can’t even speak well, so I stutter…” he mumbled a bit embarrassed and a bit surprised he was actually telling these things to the blonde man beside him.

Hyukjae didn’t know what he should say, so he ended up mouthing an ‘oh’ for the other. He bit his lower lip, impatiently trying to make up something to say.

“At least in this job you don’t really need that. And we’re going to find you a task that suits you”, he eventually said, turned his eyes towards the younger, who saw the tenderness in those eyes and because of that he moved his own gaze away.

“Sorry for rambling about that”, Donghae murmured and swallowed some nil saliva in his mouth.

“Don’t apologize, you don’t have to. It’s…nice to get to know about you, since we’re anyway going to spend a lot of time together”, the older said while parking the car and also wanting to focus on something else than Donghae’s reactions. And the latter wasn’t even able to answer anything special, when Hyukjae spoke again, “We’re here.”

On their right side was standing a tall skyscraper, almost every inch covered in darkened glass.

“Does Yunho work here?” he asked in awe and looked up to somewhere where the building ended.

“Yeah, he has one of his offices here. It’s mostly just for obfuscating the real deal”, Hyukjae said and started to walk towards the main doors.

Donghae hurried after him, thinking that this was a place where he stood up from the others even more. Oh dear, he had nothing to lose anyway.


	15. Rules

 The employees they passed by at the lobby and in the elevator looked them like they were wolves amongst a pack of dumb sheep. They weren’t sure why people like them came there, so they threw despising looks towards them, even though they would probably pee in their pants if Hyukjae would say a word to them.

 In Donghae’s eyes it seemed very much like an ordinary office building with decent looking workers with their dress shirts and black pants. And he definitely didn’t belong there. He had the feeling he was like a freak. But Hyukjae didn’t seem to be offended; he was probably much more used to the weird looks and was now walking there like a boss without any problems.

 The boy tried to keep up with the blonde while glaring around and trying to ignore the looks and the whispers around them. After few corridors more they were finally there, behind a closed door that belonged to Yunho.

 Only then Donghae started to feel really nervous. He didn’t know what the man was like, and he hoped he wasn’t a stern and grumpy person like most of the employers. His palms started to feel sweaty and he felt an invisible knot around his neck. What did the leader really want? Meet him, yeah, but what else? Interrogate him like a police? How should he act with the man? Like he was the king of the country?

 Hyukjae soon took a note of the younger’s uneasy gist.

 “Don’t worry. He’s not going to eat you alive there. I’m going in with you anyway”, the man said, leaning against the wall next to the door and glanced at the clock on the opposite wall. “He must be free already…” he muttered and turned to knock on the door for two times.

 They heard the muffled ‘come in’ and Hyukjae opened the door, revealing the quite spacious office with dark, wooden furniture and the glass window which covered the whole wall behind him. The man’s wide desk was tidy and organized, everything were on their own places. In the middle was a pricey looking laptop, which the man relocated to the left side so he could have a clear sight of the two.

 Hyukjae bowed a little, but not like underlings usually bowed to their bosses. It was friendlier and intimate bow. Donghae didn’t dare to do it like him, so he bowed much deeper and glanced at Hyukjae hoping for instructions like a lost puppy.

 “What’s up?” Hyukjae then asked and tucked his hands into his pockets, which gave Donghae cold shivers because he was kind of afraid of getting scolded, and Hyukjae wasn’t really acting very respectful here. But Yunho just smirked and sighed, placing some papers out of his way.

 “Should you act a little more respectful towards your leader, Hyukjae? At least when we have a new trainee here”, the man sneered, “Oh well. I guess it’s my own fault anyway.”

 “I’m not going to act any differently than normally, my friend”, the blond man muttered and sat down on the other seat in front of the desk, on the left one. He gestured Donghae to do the same, so he wouldn’t need to stand there for the whole time.

 “So how are things going? I heard especially Sungmin and Heechul had taught you something”, Yunho said and leaned his forearms against the dark mahogany desk, staring at the youngest in the room with curious eyes.

 “Y-yes, they have, sir”, Donghae stammered a little, fidgeting on his seat anxiously. Yunho seemed to be nice but he still had that very high authority level in his aura.

 “I bet you didn’t told him to talk like that”, Yunho said and eyed Hyukjae, who only snorted back to him. “But—Donghae it was, right?”

 The boy only nodded.

 “You are now a part of Shiwang, but you’re not actually an official member before you had worked for us at least for a year... ” the man started with a more serious tone.

“ I bet Hyukjae haven’t talked about that yet to you. But although you’re already part of them and you’re most likely befriending with the members I’m not going to make any exceptions with you. One year from this month and we can talk about that again. I guess you’re not going to escape from us so there shouldn’t be any problems with that. Then we can do the little initiation ceremony”, Yunho explained and kept a short pause.

 “It’s nothing special, I just want to keep the traditions my grandfather started when he was on the lead back in the days. Just a little formality and then you will be officially a member – if you don’t screw up anything. If you do something to harm us or someone catches you betraying us there will be consequences. The rules are the same for everyone. I think it’s fair. Do you agree, Donghae?”

 “Y-yes, sir”, there it was again, his stuttering agrees in front of his boss. Yunho actually seemed very friendly in his eyes, but the character itself gave Donghae intimidating chills. He swore he would not to anything stupid – ever.

 “Good. Your ‘guardians’ as in your friends and trainers, meaning Eunhyuk, Heechul and Yesung who agreed to look after you, are the ones who will teach you and you have always right to ask anything from them if you have anything in mind. I guess you already know that too, but I just want to make things clear. If you pass the gun handling test later after your training you will receive your own gun for free from us. If you don’t pass, it’s up to you if you will acquire a gun by yourself. But I remind you, it’s not accepted to get into unnecessary fights or kill anyone if it’s not threatening your own life. We’re trying to keep our head down and keep out from the trouble and media. And don’t trust anyone innocently, if you’re not sure about someone’s intentions, talk to one of your guards and they know.”

 Donghae only nodded and tried not to get dizzy from all the information flooding. There were so many new things he would probably forget at the second they got out from this room.

 “Well, I guess that’s all for now—ah, we’ll provide a new bank account to you too for your salary. It’s protected better than the ordinary ones and no-one will ask about the possible amounts moving in there", the boss ended his monologue and stood up to shake a hand with Donghae to seal the deal. The strawberry blonde also stood up and stretched his hand to the man, whose handshake was tight but surprisingly friendly.

 “I bet Hyukjae will take good care of you. Now, I’d like to change few words with you Hyuk  —  in private.”

 Donghae looked at the blond sitting on his chair and was ready to exit the room, but he was waiting for some instructions should he wait on the corridor or go ahead or…

 “You can go ahead, Donghae. We’ll meet up at the car, okay? Just few minutes”, Hyukjae reassured and nodded to the boy, who gave back the nod and left from the room, heart still beating hard because of the previous anxiety.

 When the door was closed again, Hyukjae turned his eyes back to his leader and leaned his jaw on his knuckles.

 “So, what is it you wanted to talk about?”

 Yunho left his chair and walked to the window, staring somewhere far away, giving the younger man a feeling there was something going on, something he wasn’t prepared to hear. He wasn’t sure would his words be negative or positive news.

“I got a message”, Yunho said, his voice wavering a little.

 It made Hyukjae frown, and fidget his fingers restlessly.

 “From who? And what about?” he asked, trying to prevent his thoughts from wandering to unnecessary things.

 “Hero is back”, Yunho stated simply.

 The blond gang member furrowed his eyebrows and narrowed his eyes, brains trying to register the kind of familiar name but not familiar enough to recall who he was talking about.

 “I mean Jaejoong.”

 The pieces finally fell into their places. He didn’t know that man much personally, but he knew that much that his leader and aforesaid man had been friends many years ago. But Jaejoong and Yunho had a huge fight, until the man, also called as Hero back in the days, left the country and his leader never heard a thing about him anymore. They had known each other from childhood when their fathers had been good friends, and from there they had been best friends. And Yunho never really understood, what really had been the cause of their relationship to break into pieces like that.

 The older man turned to look at his friend with a puzzled look in his dark eyes.

 “What about him?” Hyukjae asked bluntly, not really knowing what he was supposed to say since he didn’t know almost anything about Hero.

 “He is the current leader of Xiezhi.”

 He couldn’t stop his jaw to drop a bit.

 “Seriously?”

 Yunho nodded hastily, eyes wandering around anxiously.

 “He wants to take vengeance. And I know him well enough to realize that things are going to get nasty.”

 “H-how are you so sure about that…?” Hyukjae’s voice wasn’t so confident anymore. A mere thought of things getting out of hand was plainly frightening him.

 “He wants war, Hyukjae.” The man looked the blonde into his eyes for some time, like he was trying to figure out everything. But he knew better to turn his eyes to the city on the other side of the window again. “I can feel it in my bones.”

 “What are we going to do?” the younger asked cautiously.

 “Nothing, for now. He’s just gotten back to Korea after he had been arranging the things from abroad, so everything was kept in secret till this day. I guess he already has some plans for us, but it takes time to put things into play. So for now, you just have to be on alert all the time. I think the attack at the restaurant was just a tiny warning. I have men investigating this issue and they’ll inform me as soon as they get to know something. And then I’ll inform you. Try to keep it low for some time. Don’t do anything if it’s not necessary. I don’t know much else yet”, Yunho spoke, and the jitters on his gist were evident.

 “I understand. I’ll take my leave now”, Hyukjae said in a serious tone, then standing up since it seemed to be his time to leave. When he was almost pressing the door handle down, Yunho opened his mouth again, but because of that Hyukjae was a bit taken aback.

 “Hyukjae.”

 “Yes?”

 “Try to keep things professional…mostly with Donghae”, Yunho said, and Hyukjae wasn’t sure was he seriously trying to threaten him.

 “Why would I not?” he murmured, gritting his teeth together.

 “You certainly don’t want to re-live the same happenings as in the past. It will keep things easier if you keep a distance.”

 Those words almost made the younger man angry. What the fuck was this? He had his others friends too, why would he need to get cold-hearted especially with Donghae?

 “Right”, he hissed and was already walking through the door.

 “You know very well what I’m talking about!” Yunho mouthed after him, and Hyukjae couldn’t leave those words unheard.

 

*

 

 When Donghae finally got out of the damn glass-building, he started to walk to the car few hundred meters away from the entrance. The wind was now colder than it was when they arrived there, and he felt those chills all over his body again. The sky was covered in dark clouds, telling him that it he was going to get soaked if Hyukjae didn’t hurry up soon enough.

 The streets were crowded as always, although many people had noticed the same things as him and were trying to get somewhere inside.

 When he reached the car and the passenger seat’s side, he exhaled exhaustedly and thanked his luck because Yunho had gone pretty easy with him in the office. But now he was wondering what the man wanted to talk Hyukjae with? Obviously about work. Maybe it wasn’t even anything important, but because he was new and not an official member it was better if he didn’t hear too much.

 Donghae had already sat down on the seat, when he noticed a piece of paper on the car’s windshield. He furrowed his eyebrows and opened the door again, then stood up and reached out to grab the note standing against the crook between the door and the car’s jamb. When the paper was on his hand, the raindrops started to fall and he quickly pulled himself back in the car.

 He breathed heavily and sat back on his seat, closing the door and then bemusedly folded the worn-out paper open. It took some time to understand what did it really say, when he tried to internalize the meaning written on it. And he just knew it was meant for him only.

 Before he knew Hyukjae suddenly opened the door on the driver’s side and got in the car. Donghae noticed that he wasn’t the only one whose mood has dropped significantly. The blonde’s hair was a little drenched already, even if the way from the building to the car probably took under two minutes. He didn’t want to annoy the man more, but he knew there was something important for him also to know. But Hyukjae already talked before he was able to ask.

 “The incident from yesterday was only the prelude to the problems ahead”, he said coldly, “Xiezhi wants to bring us down now that their boss is revealed.”

 Donghae was sure that names wouldn’t tell him anything. And he also had something else in mind. The drive back was silent, while Donghae clenched the paper inside his fist.

 

[ _ Prepare to lose more than just your brother, Donghae. This is just the beginning. _]

 

 

 


	16. Day by day

There was a thud when Donghae fell to the ground, groaning in slight pain that was actually very bearable, so he groaned more in frustration than anything else.

“Hey come on, Donghae! We’ve done this million times already, how can you still not understand it at all?” Sungmin laughed softly, and tilted his head while he waited the younger to stand up again. The strawberry blonde huffed and sat up, legs open wide and shoulders dangling downwards in defeat.

“You’ve done this for years! I’m just a beginner and can’t learn these things so easily like you who’ve done martial arts for your whole life.” A pout was evident on the eighteen years old’s face, and Sungmin could only laugh again at the sight. How could this guy still look so childish regarding to his age?

“Don’t laugh at me, Min! This is not easy at all—“, Donghae tried, but there was a new voice coming from the doorway which stopped him midway his talking.

“My, my. Do I hear a baby whining here?”

Of course it had to be Hyukjae.

Why on Earth this guy had to come here when the youngest was having a hard time learning some attacking moves? He was obviously there only to humiliate him anyway. Donghae growled somewhere deep from his throat and lazily got up on his feet again, a light tint of pink hovering on his cheeks.

“Who are you to act smart here, Mr. Einstein?” Donghae mumbled, but it was said intentionally loud enough for the blond man to hear him. But Hyukjae decided to ignore him and walk a bit more inside the gym, with a stupid smirk on his stupid face.

“What are you trying to teach him?” the blond asked, looking at Sungmin with amused eyes. Sungmin was about to answer, but the one whose pots were already boiling answered first.

“Is it your goddamn business anyway?” Donghae hissed and went to grab his little towel and wiped his sweaty forehead on it.

“Is someone on their periods here…?” Hyukjae snickered but got only a murderous glare back from the teenager.

“Uh-huh, maybe we should stop for today. Let’s continue tomorrow. Is it okay, Donghae?” Sungmin asked with a softer tone, obviously sensing that the youngest wasn’t in a good mood and would probably explode sooner or later. The brunette had noticed that Donghae seemed to be tense and a bit stressed out, so maybe it wasn’t such a good thing to stretch his nerves any more.

“Yes, please”, Donghae mumbled and went further away to take his hoodie and pulled it over him, when the same time Hyukjae threw a questioning glance to his friend who only shrugged since he didn’t know the reasons why the youngest was so pissed off.

“You should loosen your screws a little, Hae”, Hyukjae said way too innocently while walking past Donghae and patting his shoulder hastily. The boy shot a killing glare again and cursed at the man who had touched him.

When Hyukjae had already left few minutes ago, and Donghae had drank his water bottle empty, Sungmin cautiously approached him and looked at the other with tender eyes. There was something eating up the young male, and he couldn’t thoroughly figure out what was it about. But of course, there was something he was able to see.

“Is everything alright, Donghae?”

The strawberry blonde raised his eyebrows a little, but soon sighed heavily and shook his head.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine. Thanks for asking”, he tried, but the brunette tilted his head and gave him a meaningful look straight into Donghae’s eyes.

“I know you’re not really telling me the truth, Hae. Was I too hard on you?” he asked, quite sweetly, and Donghae doubted no-one could honestly ever hate this guy.

The boy pursed his lips and shrugged his shoulders.

“It’s not that… It just…”

“Is it Eunhyuk?”

The strawberry blonde hastily raised his gaze to the master of martial arts, a face bit paler and like he was caught red handed from something. Sungmin cocked an eyebrow towards him, but still having that empathic expression on his eyes. Donghae turned his look away and twiddled the towel on his hand.

“You understand he doesn’t actually want to irritate you, do you?” Sungmin suddenly stated more like asked.

“I know but…” Donghae scratched the nonexistent itch on his upper arm anxiously.

“It’s his way trying to get friendly with you”, Sungmin continued explaining and patted Donghae’s shoulder reassuringly.

Donghae sighed. Was he being too harsh with the leader anyhow…?

“It’s just… Maybe I’m being a bit too uptight but it’s really annoying me today. Maybe I’m just tired…”

“Are you sure he’s just annoying you?” the brunette male chuckled, gently, not trying to get Donghae angrier.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” the boy frowned, and Sungmin understood that Donghae was just dumb as a post.

“Just spend some time with him, he obviously likes you – and sometimes he’s just being a kid who only wants some company. This job can be a bit lonely sometimes”, Sungmin muttered calmly, but there was some amused glimmering on his dark eyes that Donghae could hardly understand now. But because of Sungmin’s words he felt a bit better, and slowly a small smile rose on his thin lips.

‘And this kid dares to call me a baby, huh?’

 

*

 

“You little shit! Come back here!”

 

A loud yell was echoing through the main floor of the mansion, and one of the men sitting at the kitchen island glanced at his friends for an answer.

“What was that?” Kangin asked with wide eyes. It had been a while since the last time he was really able to come visit the mansion because his job was quite hectic at the moment. So he was genuinely surprised when he heard that yell that most likely belonged to Hyukjae.

Heechul only snorted and twirled the chopsticks in his ramen bowl.

“Donghae is probably just paying back the prank Hyuk decided to give him yesterday.”

“What prank?” Kangin asked with furrowed eyebrows, not really being sure could that be for real.

“He taped the bidet shower, so when Donghae opened the faucet he got soaked – and that’s probably what happened to Hyukjae today too, if that boy didn’t make up something else. But Hyukjae is stupid enough to think that Hae wouldn’t pay him back.”

Kangin exhaled deeply, leaning backwards and looking up like he would see through the ceiling. The unbelieving expression was overcoming everything else he did have in mind before.

“I thought I came to see my co-workers but I think I’ve mistaken”, Kangin mumbled.

“How so?” Heechul asked with half interested tone, slurping the noodles into his mouth.

“Because you’ve changed the mansion into a kindergarten instead of the mafia headquarters...”

 

*

 

Donghae was a bit surprised when they reached the courtyard of the building surrounded and filled with cars. He didn’t have a clue why would they visit car sales on an ordinary Monday morning so out of nowhere. Hyukjae had parked his Hyundai with a weird smile on his face, and Donghae really doubted the man would need a third car of his own.

“What are we doing here?” the strawberry blonde asked with a frown on his face, really not seeing any reason what they were doing there.

“We are looking for a car, isn’t it obvious?” Hyukjae snickered amusedly, while Donghae wandered few meters after him.

The older one stepped inside the huge hall with window walls and soon found his way to the newest cars of the sale. There were numerous cars thick on the ground and Donghae got a bit overwhelmed because of them. Still he couldn’t get over the fact that Hyukjae would really have a good reason for a new car.

While they strolled past by the cars, he didn’t notice the observing glances Hyukjae shot at him from time to time.

“Hmm, I really like this one”, Hyukjae mumbled and looked longingly at the quite expensive kind of black sports Audi. Donghae cocked an eyebrow, but pointed a different car – just like Hyukjae had assumed.

“That looks a bit boring in my opinion. I like this model more”, Donghae said, which caused a wide smirk on Hyukjae’s lips. Donghae had pointed R8 model of Audi. Hyukjae decided to take it a bit further.

“Which color do you like?”

Donghae tilted his head and seemed to be considering while looking at the flyer that explained everything about this certain model’s features.

“I like white, but that Sepang Blue would be definitely cool… You?” Donghae mumbled while focusing on the flyer, not noticing that Hyukjae wasn’t anymore beside him until he had waited the answer for a minute already. He looked around, but didn’t saw the male immediately on his sight.

“Hyukjae…?”

“I like the black one!” Donghae heard his voice coming from farther away, where Hyukjae was standing beside the sales counter and seemed to be waiting for the salesman. Donghae frowned again and walked to the man.

“What are you doing?” he asked innocently, tilting his head a little.

“Just asking one thing... Could you go get my phone from the car? I think I forgot it there”, Hyukjae asked and give the car key for Donghae, whose expression was even more puzzled now. Why did he need his phone right now?

“Uh, sure…?”

“Thanks!”

Donghae left to get the man’s phone and mumbled something incoherent while walking about Hyukjae being the weirdest man he knew. When he got to the Hyundai he opened the door and leaned in to look for the phone that he knew being a white iPhone. But even after five minutes of searching he wasn’t able to find any damn phone.

“I doubt you even did take that thing with you at the first place…” he cursed slightly and backed off, closing the door again. But when he was about to walk back inside, Hyukjae walked through the doors with that stupid smile on his face again.

“Sorry, Donghae, it was inside my breast pocket the whole time.” He didn’t even look apologetic, that little— Donghae’s thoughts were stopped in the middle when he saw the same R8 driving behind the older male – and the car was that special Sepang Blue color, which stole Donghae’s gaze immediately. It looked even better in real…

But then a man stood up from the car, and he seemed to be one of the salesmen. He was smiling brightly and bowed deeply when giving the keys to Hyukjae.

And Donghae’s mouth dropped.

“Did you bought that?!” Donghae almost shouted in awe. But didn’t that blonde like the black one better!

“Yup”, Hyukjae mumbled and extended his hand towards the younger man, whose eyes were wide as saucers. “Do you happen to know what day it is?” Hyukjae asked, holding the keys in front of the strawberry blonde.

“Uh, isn’t it Monday today?” Donghae spoke, with a weird expression.

“And…?”

“And what? It’s just Monday, right?”

“You don’t really know?”

Donghae was starting to get annoyed. This situation was weird and those questions didn’t help at all.

“It’s the fifteenth of October, Hae. Here you go”, Hyukjae said softly, smiling and giving the keys to Donghae.

And he finally realized what day it was.

“Happy 19th birthday, Donghae.”

Did he just get a car for a birthday present?

A freaking Audi R8 that cost a fortune.

“What should you say, Donghae…?”

Was his heart beating a bit too fast right now? It was just a car anyway, wasn’t it…?

“T-thank you.”

 

*

 

“You bought him a car?”

“Yeah, it’s his birthday. So what?” Hyukjae mumbled while eating the chocolate cake Ryeowook had baked for Donghae for a present too.

Sungmin had a weird expression on his face, while licking the cream off from his spoon and staring Hyukjae who just ignored him.

“Sure, I buy cars for my friends too for their birthdays.”

Hyukjae hummed.

“You understand I was just being sarcastic here?” Sungmin mumbled, but Hyukjae didn’t seem to hear him while he had started to argue with Donghae again.

 

*

 

“Hey, Donghae.”

“Ye-eeah—?”

Hyukjae’s eyebrows sank down when he saw the odd expression on the younger’s face. He was standing on the doorway of the kitchen, drying his wet hair with the black towel after a refreshing shower. He was being lazy, so he didn’t have a shirt on him yet, but only a pair of black, quite skinny jeans which showed the waistband of his red boxers.

“What's the matter?”

“Uh—nothing. What were you saying?” Donghae muttered, lowering his gaze somewhere around his breakfast, not wanting to look at the half-naked man in front of him, though it was definitely just a normal thing to see. But today it was just too much for him, making his stomach churning unpleasantly and ears flushing into a deeper red color.

“Yesung told me he could start teaching you. I mean, shooting”, Hyukjae talked in a general tone, pouring a cup of black coffee for him and then taking a rice ball from yesterday’s dinner between his lips.

“A-alright.”

He took a bite of the rice ball and swallowed it, frowning at the strawberry blonde, who was absentmindedly nibbling his toast.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He wasn’t sure why Donghae looked like that – he almost looked like he had a fever coming or something. Hyukjae was almost touching his forehead with the back of his palm when Donghae flinched rapidly and stared the man with a wild expression.

“I’m fine, really!” Donghae reassured, maybe too much determined it got Hyukjae only suspicious.

“Okay, okay…” he mumbled and backed off. “Yesung is going to get you later. I have to go now… I have quite a packed day coming…” He hastily ate the rest of the rice ball and took the coffee cup with him, before bidding a short goodbye and leaving the kitchen.

Donghae swallowed the saliva in his mouth and sighed exhaustedly. Why was he acting so weirdly again? Most of the time he was definitely fine, but then came the times when he was jumpy, pissed or anything weird you could think of. His heart was beating faster, his hands became sweaty and breathing got hard.

“It’s nothing…I’m absolutely fine…” he muttered by himself, but almost jumped off his seat when Kyuhyun peeked from the doorway with a questioning expression.

“Did you say something?” the curly haired man asked.

“No… Just thinking out loud I guess.”

“Oh, okay. By the way, Yesung said he was looking for you. Do I tell him you’re here?”

“Sure.”

At least there was something coming that would clear his head for a little while.

 

*

 

Sungmin and Donghae were taking a break from practicing; Donghae was lying on the floor and the older sat on the bench near the wall. He had noticed that there was again something going on inside Donghae’s mind that got him distracted, and he couldn’t help but feel curious about it. The younger’s mood was going up and down, it was noticeable. But he really doubted that dense idiot realized that he acted like that mostly with Hyukjae only. It was the leader that got this boy’s head so messed up—

“Min, can I ask you something?” Donghae suddenly said, staring at the ceiling with his round, chocolate orbs.

“Of course.”

“How do you know…if you’ve…” The words seemed to have gotten stuck inside his throat.

“Mm? Go on, Hae.”

There was a deep sigh.

“How do you know when you’re in love with someone?”

Sungmin could only smile. He had been right from the start, hadn’t he?


	17. Falling

_“How do you know when you’re in love with someone?”_

_Sungmin could only smile. He had been right from the start, hadn’t he?_

 

 “Why are you asking?”

 “Because… I’ve never been in love before, so how could I know if someday I will?”

 Had he been wrong for whole the time after all? Was Donghae really that dense and blind, or had there been actually any feelings involved with? There just had to be some sparks between these two, and in his opinion they weren’t just platonic. He had  _never_  been wrong with things like these, so how could he be wrong with this? The brunette took a more relaxed posture and just let his thoughts slip away from his lips.

 “Donghae… Sometimes…it doesn’t need much for the feelings to start developing. They can be contradictory from the way you actually think. You can’t choose who you fall in love with; your heart will love who it wants and you can’t change that.

Love makes you feel new, sometimes crazy things. It makes you anxious; because sometimes the person makes you feel many things. You may want to see the person so deeply you can’t think about anything else. Or it may cause that you almost wouldn’t want to see that person at all because of the way she – or  _he_  – makes you feel. Sometimes falling in love feels more like you’re falling down a rocky road. Love is not always a pleasant feeling. It might scare you, because it’s the unknown for you.

But you can’t hide from the feeling that fill every damn crook of your body, makes your heart beat faster and your head dizzy when the person you love does something; maybe it’s just a smile, maybe it’s the way the person greets you, how the person looks at you, how the person acts around you – sometimes it’s the smallest things, gestures or features that matters the most. Your heart desires what it desires, and you can’t try to fool with it.

Donghae, there’s no way I can really explain the feeling of love to you. You have to find out about it by yourself. Someday you will understand the concept of love, and until that you just have to let yourself feel the love in, and around you.”

 

*

 

So why Hyukjae bought a car for Donghae?

 It was one of the dozens of questions that kept circling in Donghae’s head over and over again. Few days after, he really had realized how freaking expensive that R8 had been. He didn’t even want to think about it, to be honest. The mere thought of the price made him feel nauseous. At least Donghae hoped Hyukjae had gotten some discount since he was a mafia member, so he didn’t have had to pay that much... He felt ashamed of that ridiculously pricey birthday present.

 The time flew faster than the now nineteen years old could have expected. Even though many of the members, including Hyukjae, had quite tight schedules at this time, he was rarely left alone at the mansion. Almost every day there was someone with him; teaching him something or just practicing with him. Sometimes he even got a chance to go actually work with them – many of them being with Hyukjae, since he had much of those quite easy jobs to do. His mood swings still kept coming occasionally, and he had started to take a real note of them too. Eventually, he realized the reason for that was really Hyukjae. Donghae wasn’t sure how it had happened, but now he kind of had a reason for the cartwheel-somersaults inside his stomach, flushed cheeks, fastened beats of his heart, occasional shyness, awkwardness, the warm feelings all over his body, although that had been really hard thing to acknowledge.

 For the past few months his mind had been very full with a certain person. It wasn’t easy to confess to even himself, but after umpteenth amount of sleepless nights he had finally said it out loud inside his mind. He still wasn’t quite sure if it was just that he liked Hyukjae – like he could like anyone of his friends, even though Hyukjae had a special place inside his…heart. But he wasn’t quite sure was it a crush either. Yes, it felt like that a bit, but somehow there was something else in it. Donghae was actually sure even a toddler would have been a genius about feelings compared to him.

 Donghae couldn’t stop thinking about the time when Sungmin had tried to explain the meaning of ‘love’ to him. It kept bugging him, and every time with these thoughts, Hyukjae also came into his mind.

 Could it really be that he was actually…

 When the October soon turned into November, and eventually it also changed into December, the time felt like slowing down as the days passed by and the Christmas time grew closer. Somewhere around the second week of the last month of the year, the snow finally fell down. At first it didn’t last, and it faded away for a while, before the ground was soon again covered in the white and cold cotton, and the weather stayed colder permanently till the time New Year would come.

 In the mafia people got less tasks to do, and for their please it gave many of them more hours to spend with each other, so those few weeks were meaningful for at least to Donghae. He got to spend time with not at least with Hyukjae, but also with Sungmin, Heechul, Yesung, and even with Kyuhyun, Ryeowook, Kangin and Leeteuk who were visiting the mansion quite regularly these days. It wasn’t hard to notice that everyone were like a piece of a one big puzzle, which wouldn’t be complete without few missing persons. Everyone got their own specialty on their tasks and in their character.

 And for the first time in a long time Donghae felt blessed being surrounded by such an amazing people who never looked down on him; they saw him as an equal and they treated him like any other friend. Most of them were years older than him, but it wasn’t really a detail to take a note of. It didn’t matter. Yes, sometimes they babied him and were maybe a bit softened by Donghae’s innocent looks and youthful behavior, but there wasn’t no one to see it as a bad thing.

 Someone could have even said, that Donghae might have been the one missing piece to reinforce their little group of Black Diamond’s; the black jewels in a sea of crystal clear jewelry, out of the ordinary and outside the laws.

 

*

 

It was Donghae’s first time visiting the night club which belonged to Shiwang’s mafia, a club called  _Midnight Fantasy_. It was also his first time in a club like that altogether; he hadn’t really had a chance to drink or to party because back at his previous life he didn’t have friends or he didn’t really go anywhere.

 Few of the members had a free weekend, including Heechul, Sungmin, Kyuhyun and Hyukjae, and they had asked Donghae to come along, and Yesung had driven them at the club before going work, leaving them at the entrance of the place.

 Everything was very much new to the youngest, and when they got inside the loud music with its bass boost, the sea of dancing and drinking people with the flickering lights overwhelmed him. The others seemed to be used to that, and the fact he trusted these guys caused that Donghae didn’t feel so out of place being there. He had been told that Zhoumi and Henry were working there, and it was the most popular club that belonged to the mafia. Donghae didn’t doubt it a bit, since the place was crowded with people he almost feared he might lost himself in there. But no one would left him behind, it was quite obvious when Hyukjae grabbed his wrist and pulled him behind him towards a table that was most likely reserved to them, because it was empty when there were more people who would like to sit but couldn’t.

 Donghae was pushed between Heechul and Hyukjae at the booth when they finally got there and were able to sit down on the leather couch.

 “Christ, this place is hell a full today”, Heechul mouthed, leaning his elbows on the table.

 “It’s Friday and the holidays are coming”, Sungmin said, looking around, probably to see if there was any people he knew. He looked at his phone and tucked it back into his jean’s pockets, “Oh, Zhoumi is coming”, he cooed when the brunette saw a familiar, tall person walking a bit hardly towards their table. There was barely any space to even walk. Donghae was happy he knew this guy already, getting to know new faces might have been a little too much today, when everything else was new too.

 “Mimi! How are you doing?” Sungmin asked when the called was finally at their table, dressed in black jeans and a red dress shirt like all the workers at the place.

 The tall man smiled widely.

 “I’m good! We are absolutely packed today though so I don’t have much spare time to talk with you guys… But tell me what you want and someone will bring you your drinks”, he said with his accented Korean, waiting for their order.

 Hyukjae suddenly hummed shortly, like remembering something. He had been quite quiet for the time they had been there, but it had only been some fifteen minutes anyway.

 “Did you hire the new bartender already?” he asked, with a bit more serious tone, but still looking relaxed.

 “Oh, yes. He started two days ago. Nothing to complain about his work”, Zhoumi said while nodding approvingly.

 “Okay, good then.”

 “So what will we drink? We can’t waste Zhoumi’s whole night to waiting for us”, Kyuhyun reminded them, and a weird glimmer lighted up on Heechul’s eyes.

 “Guys, guys! Donghae, had you actually drank before?” the cat-eyed man asked, turning his piercing gaze towards the youngest. Donghae leaned his back against the couch and eyed the others questioningly, a little abashed blush on his cheeks.

 “I… I haven’t, really”, he muttered, stealing a look from Hyukjae who sat next to him, and was actually looking at him too at the moment. He didn’t know why he looked at him; it was almost if he was asking a proper answer from him more than himself.

 “Excellent! Make something special for him Mimi!” Heechul demanded, when Zhoumi chuckled and looked at the boy who looked quite frightened.

 “I won’t make anything too strong for you, I promise”, he said to Donghae, who nodded inaudibly.

 The others made their orders from beer to vodka shots and soon the man was gone. About ten minutes later a younger waiter came with the drinks and gave everyone their own.

 “And the  _Sapphire Blue_  –special for the strawberry blonde”, the black haired waiter said and placed the blue drink on the table, in front of Donghae, “You can order all the drinks from the waiters, we’ll serve everything directly to your table. Please enjoy.” With that, the guy was gone, and Donghae glared at his drink curiously.

 “That looks good”, Hyukjae muttered, a slight smirk on his face, “Try it.”

 Donghae looked at the glass and soon his lips met with the edge of it. Sure, he knew the taste of alcohol after tasting some before. But when the blue liquid reached his mouth he realized how sweet it was. It wasn’t bad or hard to get down his throat. It tasted something like lemon and some tropical fruit, but he couldn’t really figure what it was exactly. Of course there was a slight taste of the alcohol, but it was really bearable. Before he realized he had already drunk almost half of it, when the blonde beside him grabbed the glass away from him, yelping him to stop already;

 “Enough! Take a break for a while, it’s not juice”, Hyukjae snorted, and Donghae scowled, even though the older was probably right. He didn’t want to get wasted without having a control of himself.

 “Yours is as empty as mine”, he whined, furrowing his eyebrows.

 “It’s beer. It’s not strong, but your drink might be. The waiter didn’t even tell what there is. That’s not a regular drink from the list”, Hyukjae explained, eyes sparkling more than usually. It was hard to not notice his dark eyes, which were really quite beautiful in that lighting in Donghae’s opinion. He turned his own gaze away hastily.

 “Was that the new bartender? I haven’t seen him before”, Kyuhyun muttered thoughtful, while sipping his drink and staring somewhere around the bar.

 “I don’t know. Maybe he’s just a temporary fill-in”, the blond said. His right leg was jiggling against the boy’s beside him, because the music was starting to call him to dance. He really enjoyed dancing, and he was really good. Donghae didn’t know that fact though  – yet.

 After an hour they were still just talking and drinking, Donghae also having his second one already. It was the same Sapphire Blue, since it tasted so good.

 Sungmin was a giggling mess after taking a few too many shots, and Kyuhyun tried to calm him down, but often ended up laughing too. Heechul had been gossiping about this and that, until the man noticed how much Hyukjae wanted to dance, and how Donghae’s face was flushing because of the alcohol, and how it had started to take control of the youngest. Donghae couldn’t stop himself from laughing to Sungmin’s stupid jokes and buns, and soon he was almost snuggling against Hyukjae or Heechul because he was laughing and giggling so hard. His eyes had changed into half moons, and his white, a little crooked teeth were showing between his smiling thin lips.

 Hyukjae was staring at them all, something snorting and snickering, but often his eyes returned to stare a certain someone. He also felt the alcohol relaxing him, but he felt it more through his body than with the need of laughing to everything. It was warm inside the crowded night club, but he felt hot, mostly somewhere around his chest and stomach. The churning just increased when the strawberry blonde laughed and giggled, and especially when he leaned against his side and sometimes grabbed his arm while he tried to hold his unstoppable laughter.

 When their laughter finally calmed down a little, Donghae poured the rest of his drink down his throat and he recognized the song they were playing. It was one of his favorite pop songs, perfect for dancing in his opinion.

 “I wanna dance”, he said out loud, and Hyukjae cocked an eyebrow to that. Heechul was looking at them intensively, but trying to hide behind his drink glass.

 “Hyukjae is a good dancer”, the male said anyway, with a playful smirk on his face. Donghae looked at the blonde and frowned, like he couldn’t believe that.

 “Really?” he mumbled. His heart suddenly started to beat a bit faster, crazier, “I can’t believe you…”

 The blonde, older man scoffed.

 “Really, I’ll show you. Let’s go”, he said determinedly, pulling the oblivious boy after him.  They surfed amongst the other dancing, drunk people and eventually found a free gap for them.

 Donghae was a bit taken aback, since he didn’t really had thought he would end up at the dancing floor so easily. He didn’t even know how to dance properly, but he just decided to follow what the other people did around them, soon closing his eyes when the music took a good grip of him and let him forget everything else for a short while.

 The deep bass was intoxicating enough itself, but Donghae was also a little bit drunk. He still fortunately had his senses at their place, but all the new feelings were plainly stunning. He was dancing more and more freely, not realizing he was being stared at by the blond one, who was dancing rather close to him. His body had started to move on its own pace, enjoying the music, almost able to forget himself under the flashing lights and alcohol slowly taking a bigger control of him.

 After at least two songs, he really opened his eyes again after sensing the closeness of somebody right in front of him. When dark orbs gazed at him, locking the eye-contact between them for a good while, he felt that familiar tingling around his body once again. It wasn’t the first time or the last. Those eyes were just too much. He felt like drowning even deeper into the unknown, and his breath hitched to stop when Hyukjae took a step closer.

 Was he really just drunk or was he actually dreaming? He swallowed, even though his mouth felt dry, and he unconsciously licked his lips when he felt a kind of familiar and kind of unfamiliar hand on his waist, making the gap between their heated bodies even smaller.

 It was more like a dream. Nothing felt real after that; all the lights, people and noises tarnished and everything that was left anymore was the heat, the feeling of his heart bursting out of him, hot breathes against his neck and them dancing in slow-motion. There were no words, just moves of their bodies against each other which seemed to grow closer and closer, and the feeling of unreality. Donghae wasn’t able to think straight anymore, when all he saw was the blond man using his body so beautifully with the music.

 If he wouldn’t have been drunk, he would have probably thought that why on Earth Hyukjae was doing it; making him crazy, making him desire his leader even more he already did. Was it because he was drunk? Was it all just acting and embarrassing him? Could it be something else than an beautiful lie?

_He_  would be lying if he would say he hadn’t fallen in love with this man.  He understood perfectly what Sungmin had meant back then…

 Donghae didn’t know how long they had been moving there together, against each other, with short and hastily breathes when something even more unexpected happened.

 If someone said the first kiss felt like fireworks, Donghae would have said it was more like a bomb.

 When he felt those plump, wet lips against his own, he couldn’t move an inch for a second. It was too absurd; it was something that wasn’t supposed to happen to him. But there it was; a kiss they had probably changed thousand times inside their minds already, but was happening now for the first time in reality.

 Eyes closed he surrendered for the heated, and quite fierce kiss with sloppiness and eventually with wet tongues, swirling against each other, while Donghae was clutching his hands on Hyukjae’s shirt like he was about to fall, and he might fall even more in love with this, or just onto the floor, while his legs felt like giving in under his weight right now.

 He couldn’t say how long it lasted, until he started to feel really dizzy. His head felt even heavier, and his grip on the other’s shirt started to slip. He knew he couldn’t be that drunk, since he only drank two drinks, which didn’t even taste much like alcohol at all.

 “ _Hae…”_

 Everything seemed to be even slower, and he couldn’t hear the music anymore. He saw only glimmers of the lights, and he couldn’t see the people around them anymore.

 “ _Hae?_ ”

 This couldn’t be normal…

 Or was it… All just dream after all?

 “ _D-Donghae!_ ”

 He couldn’t say, even though he wanted to, when all just turned black around him.

 


	18. Even monkeys may fall from trees

The past two hours after Donghae had collapsed at the club had been messy and full of hassle. Hyukjae had called a car for them, and then he had rushed to his friends who immediately had started to help. It wasn’t even a surprise that suddenly he had felt much more clear-headed, and he had been able to get Donghae away from the crowd to one of the rooms at the back of the bar. Sungmin, Heechul and Kyuhyun had tried to help to get the youngest back to consciousness.

Eventually Donghae had opened his eyes, but his eyes had been foggy and unfocused so he barely got to keep them open and he had started to shiver constantly. When they had tried to ask some questions, no one could understand what he was trying to say. He had stuttered and couldn’t control his speech at all. Fortunately Sungmin had gotten a bucket for him already, when he had started to vomit everything he had inside his stomach.

They had known it couldn’t be because of the alcohol only. And because Donghae hadn’t left by their side for the whole night, the only option was the drink the bartender had done for him.

Half an hour later Donghae had fallen back into sleep or unconsciousness, it wasn’t really clear and they didn’t dare to wake him up once the vomiting had stopped. Just few minutes later their car had come, and they had packed themselves into it and had headed back to the mansion.

While on the way Hyukjae had decided to call to the one person who he knew that could help them with this issue.

“He was drugged”, Leeteuk stated the obvious once again, while looking at the papers in front of him on the table.

“We kind of figured that out already”, Hyukjae snapped, maybe a bit too irritated. The worry was written all over his face, the viciousness also radiating from him. Everyone tried not to piss him off even more, because if they would do that they weren’t sure what would happen. Not to them, but to someone else. Like the bartender.

The drugged Donghae was lying on the bed inside the room next to where Hyukjae and Leeteuk were right now. Sungmin was in the room with Donghae, keeping an eye on him although he had been sleeping for the past thirteen minutes. But you could never know; no one really wanted him to asphyxiate on his own puke. Leeteuk had immediately put him on the IV because they didn’t want him to dehydrate either when the vomiting most likely wouldn’t stop yet.

Leeteuk had a medical education, and he was the mafia’s personal doctor. He also had a little clinic-like place closer to the downtown, which allowed them to use him instead of the local hospitals which did quite a close collaboration with the police.  
Hyukjae shifted anxiously on the leather seat while waiting for the older man to say something, but he wasn’t patient enough to wait.

“So what was it?” he asked while biting the insides of his cheek. Leeteuk lifted the glasses upper on the bridge of his nose and sighed.

“4-hydroxybutanoic acid.”

“Would you please translate that? I’m not your colleague on this area”, Hyukjae grumbled and stamped his feet on the floor.

“How come you’re so anxious about this?”

“Get to the point already!” the blonde hissed. The medic only huffed and took the papers from the table, since there were the results after the few simple tests he had taken. He strolled in front of Hyukjae, walking in a circle, eyebrows furrowed.

Suddenly Hyukjae seemed to realize something.

“Oh fuck”, he hissed, “The 4-hydroxybutanoic acid is the same as gamma-Hydroxybutyrate acid as in GHB?”

Leeteuk raised his eyes back to the blonde.

“Yes. It’s also called as Liquid X around here, right? I bet you know very well what it does since we’re selling it too. The dosage he got is very close to the limit of an overdose, so it’s not that bad like it could be. But we can’t do much but wait and be sure that he’s not left alone as he can easily die because of asphyxia”, the medic talked with a calm manner, while glancing at his friend who seemed to be pretty anguished because of this. Hyukjae exhaled heavily and lowered his face against his palms.

“I don’t really understand… What the poisoner wanted to achieve, if the dosage was too little to cause a death and Donghae wasn’t really left alone so…someone could have been able to…to…”

“Take an advantage of him, right. But there’s the possibility that he could have gone to the restroom alone, or leave you for a minute and it would have been very possible. Somehow it doesn’t seem like it though.”

“I agree. I bet that fucking bartender had something to do with this. Maybe he was some newbie and he gave the wrong dosage or he was too much of a coward to do that. I’m going to kill someone if that piece of shit is from Xiezhi I swear—“, the man was rambling until he suddenly recalled the happening before the boy fell unconscious and the memory filled his head and his feelings got really mixed up. At the same time he was full of rage, distraught from the worry but now his cheeks started to feel hot too. He gulped inaudibly, ready to ask a question, but not looking at the older at all. “Does… Will this induce amnesia?” His voice was wary and incoherent.

“It might. I can’t give you any better answer until he wakes up and is back into his senses”, Leeteuk said and observed the blonde in front of him, who was behaving more sentimental than usual. “Might there be something you don’t want him to forget? Or you especially want that he’ll forget something?”

Hyukjae scowled and stood up from the seat, annoyed with his friend’s suggestions.

“None of your business…” he growled and left the room, while Leeteuk just shook his head in disbelief.

“Aish, you hard-headed fool…”

 

*

 

Donghae had been lingering between consciousness and unconsciousness for over 18 hours, but mostly asleep and not yet being able to talk coherently with anybody. All the time there was someone keeping an eye on him, and the last one being Hyukjae who had been by his side for almost five hours already. Occasionally Sungmin brought a cup of coffee to him, but that was all he really ate or drank, being so lost in his thoughts all the time. The boy didn’t really vomit anymore because there was really nothing to get out.

The blond had dozens of scenarios why did this happen, but the biggest culprit for him was still Xiezhi. Who else could it be? Yes they had other enemies but they didn’t really attack them like this. It had to be the waiter or the bartender. It was probably an infiltrator if Zhoumi hadn’t found any suspicious about the poisoner. But why; just to shake Shiwang a bit again – or especially him – or just to play with Donghae’s life for their own pleasure? He was still mad and angry, since he didn’t have any answers yet.

He didn’t even notice the gentle patting on his shoulder, asking for Hyukjae’s attention. The leader finally raised his eyes to see Sungmin again, a tender smile on his lips.

“Hey, let’s change. You must be tired too, you barely slept last night”, Sungmin said, and Hyukjae surrendered and stood up, sighing heavily. No one had really talked about the happenings before Donghae was blown out, and Hyukjae had almost managed to evade from thinking about them either. But of course, luck wasn’t never on his side.

“I saw what happened before he blacked out”, the brunette stated while he sat down on the chair beside the bed, “What are you going to do when he wakes up?”

Hyukjae was standing there, his back towards the bed and his head lowered downwards. It was useless to try escaping Sungmin’s interrogations. He was a friend too close to him for that. But the younger, even though he was on the lead, didn’t say a word. There were a heavy minute before he said anything.

“He might not even remember it anymore.”

“But he might remember too. I can tell he’s not just an ordinary person for you.”

Hyukjae swallowed his nil saliva and bit his lips it almost hurt. Of course he had thought about this, but he hadn’t gotten to any conclusion yet. He didn’t know what to do. It was obvious that Donghae made his heart flutter in a way no one had made him feel before, but still, there was the fear and the skepticism if his feelings were real. And thinking about Donghae made him easily think about his brother too. He couldn’t stop himself when he uttered the one fear which was quite big to him.

“What if my mind is just playing with me, and mixing the feelings I had for Donghwa with Donghae?”

“Are you saying you were in love with him?” Sungmin asked and turned to look at the blonde, who was standing sideways towards the bed now.

Hyukjae almost shook his head vigorously.

“I—no—I wasn’t... I mean… If I’m subconsciously thinking that I’ve got him back, somehow, and it overwhelms me and makes me feel things I’m…not supposed to feel.”

“I don’t think that’s the matter. I’ve never seen you kissing someone like that“, - Hyukjae blushed a little - “You’ve kissed beautiful women many times but not any of them in that way. I don’t exactly know how to explain it.”

“But I’m not gay.” The blonde’s voice was a bit whiny this time.

“You don’t have to be. I’m just saying you can’t decide which gender your heart falls in love with. Love has no boundaries after all”, Sungmin muttered, but Hyukjae heard it clearly. “Just don’t play with his feelings. He’s a fragile being under all that arrogance, just like you’re too.”

“I don’t know what to do”, the blond sighed exasperated.

“You don’t have to; just figure your feelings out even though they’re quite obvious.”

“Whatever. I’m going, I have things to do.”

And with things, he meant finding the culprit and giving a little punishment for the things that had been done.

 

*

 

Monday’s were quiet days for a club like Midnight Fantasy, but its side bar which was located to an different area and acted mostly as a restaurant, gave Zhoumi something to do when people came to have their lunch and dinner. He didn’t have to with a paycheck like his, but he wanted to. Zhoumi felt at ease when he was working and doing something useful.

Today was a bit different though. He had been informed about Donghae’s state immediately when someone was free enough to give him a call, and know he felt really anxious, even guilty. The fact that it was either the waiter or the bartender, made him feel really bad. He was the one to hire new staff and he was accountable of them, and now he had done a really bad mistake.

How could have he get something like this slip through his fingers? The waiter was a just an interim fill-in, and the bartender had a quite impressive work history, so he hadn’t been a bit suspicious, so how could this had happen when he had to do a background check for his employees every time and this time he had failed bad time? Even if Hyukjae or someone else had tried to reassure him, he didn’t feel any better.

And yesterday, Hyukjae had informed that he should call both of the culprits to work at the restaurant, like any other day. Hyukjae was supposed to arrive in any minute, as he had said to interrogate these two. Zhoumi was trying to act normal, although he was furious to know who the hell dared to be the asshole and spike Donghae’s drink. That guy wouldn’t be any lucky of it was his to decide the punishment, and even more unfortunate when Hyukjae would get to know about. He also had seen the quite heated kiss on the dance floor, and he could say that the boy was important to the blonde.

He had been lost in his thought, when he heard a soft, familiar voice coming beside him.

“Hey, Mi, stop beating yourself down”, Henry whispered while frowning, with a silly glimmering on his eyes. Zhoumi smiled a little and sighed.

“I know…” He saw a familiar car parking near the restaurant. “Hyuk is coming, where are they?” he asked, still whispering so no one could hear.

“They should be at the staff lounge. Their break is coming to an end in ten minutes”, Henry muttered and raised his head to greet the blonde with a bright smile. Zhoumi didn’t look that good, when Hyukjae stood in front of the cash counter with sunglasses on his face and dressed in dark denim jeans and a black leather jacket, and his blonde fringe upwards with his expensive hairstyling products which he owned.

“Where are they?” said the low voice, and Zhoumi gestured him to follow him.

“Henry, you’ll be in charge for a while”, the tallest man said with a little smile and the young man nodded, inaudibly saying he was going to be alright with it.

Hyukjae trailed behind Zhoumi, inpatient to get his hands on the culprit already. He knew he would lose it when he’d got to know the guilty party, and he would not hold it in. Zhoumi stopped at the break room’s door, but they stood outside of it for a while, to observe the two through the little glass window on the up corner of the door.

They easily saw those two; the other one, the waiter, looked more like a student and he was actually attending to college at the moment, as Zhoumi had told Hyukjae. But the bartender was older, not very extraordinary looking either, but he was sure now who was the poisoner.

“I know who it is”, Hyukjae said quietly, clenching his fingers around the doorjamb.

“You do?” Zhoumi asked, looking a little bit skeptical – and maybe, a bit ashamed since he hadn’t doubt either of their intentions.

“It’s the bartender. I’ve actually seen him before”, Hyukjae gritted his teeth, his anger growing deeper.

“Gosh, really?”

“Yeah, I’ve actually seen him hanging with Junsu sometimes…” he muttered, ready to have some ‘fun’ with this piece of shit. “Could you go and take the waiter with you? Then I’m going inside…and I’ll have a little talk with the bartender.”

Zhoumi nodded and went inside, tricking the waiter that he had something to talk with him. Hyukjae waited behind the door, and when the head of the restaurant came out with the blameless guy, he slipped inside the break room. He wasn’t so surprised when the man seemed to identify him with a snicker.

“Took you long enough”, the man huffed with a malicious grin and crossed his fingers behind his neck. He was acting laid-back, but Hyukjae figured this was actually his first time doing something while being really a part of Xiezhi. There was some nervousness hidden in his eyes.

“They really did give you this as your first task to prove your loyalty towards the fucker boss of yours?” Hyukjae snorted, and the bartender’s eyes narrowed, “Ah, why would you go so low for that shit…”

“Pffft. How’s the little lover boy of yours? Crying and whining from the pain?”

Hyukjae scoffed, but the mention about the boy got his bile boiling.

“I don’t understand what was the purpose of your actions. You either failed miserably trying to kill him or you’re just stupid enough to play with us like this”, the blonde said, slowly stepping closer towards the guy with black hair and sharp eyes. His hands were trembling in anticipation; he wanted to beat the shit out of his fucker right now, “Was it Hero or G-Dragon who requested this from you?”

“What does it matter?” the bartender stated, his smirk starting to fade a little. Hyukjae banged his fist against the wooden table, which seemed to startle the man a bit, just like wanted.

“Which one!”

The man didn’t say a word.

“You’re really digging your own grave if you don’t answer right away.”

Still, no answer.

And Hyukjae gave in; he loaded a right knockout straight into the man’s face. Blood was already splattering from his nose when he took a tight grip of the enemy’s short hair.

“Answer.”

The man glared at him, keeping his lips zipped. Hyukjae was hastily losing his cool, wrinkling his nose in annoyance, “Fine.” His grip tightened even more, and soon the bartender’s whole face was smashed against the table.

“Not want to talk, huh? Would you even want to enlighten me about the reason behind this little trick?” he snarled and didn’t care a shit about the other’s bloody face, when it flooded from his nose and the corner of his mouth. He spit the blood out of his mouth and panted, probably because the pain forced him to take deep breathes.

“He… He was supposed to die.”

Hyukjae really gritted his teeth tightly against each other.

“But?”

“I didn’t get the right amount of the poison. I noticed it just when I was already mixing the GHB with his drink. Someone gave it to me, I didn’t because I’ve taken the right amount of course”, he mumbled, all mouth colored in deep red.

Hyukjae didn’t know should he laugh or just smash this guy’s head against the table a few more times. He didn’t even put up against him.

“You’re all just brainless dumbasses…” the blonde muttered to himself.

“But I got a one more message for you… It goes like this; even monkeys may fall from trees.” Something flickered in the bartender’s eyes just before the blonde took a gun out from his pocket, and loaded without a second thought. It was a silent shot, because it was moderated like that, but the bartender screamed in pain when the bullet went through somewhere near his collar bones.

“Zhoumi will take care of you”, he scoffed and took his gun, and left the restaurant through the backdoor. But even if he had taken his vengeance, something didn’t feel right. Maybe he was just tired for staying up for so long. Yeah, he definitely needed a good night sleep.

Hyukjae although had mixed feelings churning inside him. Indeed, what would he do when Donghae would eventually wake up? And would Yunho say about this incident?


	19. Pretenders

After the sweeping renovation of the traditional brick mansion the whole place looked completely different compared to what it had been just one year ago. Previously, it had been like any other family’s home, even if it had been pricey looking anyway.

His uncle once lived there with this family, and he was missing those times when he could come to meet his cousins on summer holidays and play all day long on the big yard of the house. But now it was colder, emptier. It wasn’t the same place anymore, and it gave him cold shivers more than reminded him of the memories.

The man walking on the dark hallway clenched his fists and loosened his tie which felt way too tight around his neck right now. He knew he was going to say things soon he didn’t really want to say to this man, this leader, who once was his cousin and good friend to have time with, but now it all had changed.

The empty walls and echoes of his steps made him feel uneasy. There weren’t even any guards, but he just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. He didn’t belong to this family anymore. But he was the only one who knew about that.

He opened the pair doors that lead into a living room with black painted walls, a fireplace in the middle of the back wall, white leather couch in front of it and coffee table made from glass. He could only see the back of the man’s head he had come to meet, and he took a deep breath before closing the doors and stepping wholly inside the room, stopping two meters away from the couch’s back.

The man sitting on the couch gestured him to sit down on the grey armchair next to the main couch.

“Come on, sit down.”

He sat down, and crossed his fingers on his lap. He had been able to keep up his façade for a long time already and even now his cousin and leader, Hero, couldn’t see it.

“How you been doing” Hero asked, and sipped the red wine inside his glass, his big eyes staring at the visitor with almost a gentle smile, but the comer knew it wasn’t real, like it had sometimes been.

“I’m good”, he said shortly.

“I’m glad to hear”, Hero said with a vicious smile, placing the glass down on the coffee table. “And how’s the work as a mole? Enjoying?”

He almost, gulped, but he didn’t and just covered his face with a fake smirk.

“They’re not suspecting anything”, he stated, “Just blindly trusting me like a real comrade.”

“Good, good. That’s how it should be. I’m proud of you. But now, tell me about what have you discovered? What happened to the one who was poisoned?”

Now, he bit his lip a bit. He knew pretty well Donghae was alive and breathing, so Seungri’s mission to kill Donghae had failed. He coughed a little to clear his voice.

“Dong-he’s still alive. I thought he was supposed to die”, he scoffed, and saw how Hero’s eyes narrowed a little.

“That boy’s alive?”

“Yes. Seungri seems to have made a mistake.”

“I should have known that he was too new to give a task like that. Aish… What a shame. Well what else?”

“The incident anyway had proven to me that Hyukjae and the boy are having feelings for each other.” Hero cocked an eyebrow. “I mean, they’re not having a relationship but everyone sees they’re in love.”

Hero was smirking widely.

“Interesting…”

“I’m not sure if you yet know that Hyukjae shot Seungri after the poisoning. He’s not dead though.”

“I don’t care about him, but this information might definitely come useful in the near future. Keep gathering information. Come back here after a month, the same time.”

“Alright.”

Hero stood up and patted his cousin’s shoulder with that irritating smirk.

“Keep up with the good work, Kyuhyun.”

The said man nodded and bowed a little, then exiting the mansion with a heavy heart. He was Jaejoong’s cousin, his mole, the one who would help Xiezhi to destroy Shiwang. It had been fun at the beginning, but now, after years he felt like his touch was slipping. He wasn’t sure who he was anymore, and which side he did belong.

And Donghae was still alive because he had made sure Seungri didn't get the right amount of the poison. 

 

*

 

The dizziness after the poisoning lasted over one and half week, and the four first days of that he mostly slept to get the nauseous feeling away. By the fifth day the vomiting had finally stopped, and he was able to eat something again without throwing up immediately. But the dizziness kept him mostly in his bed, trying to gain some strength back again.

During the healing time, he was able to think quite a lot when he was awake. By that time, he had seen just glimpses of Hyukjae, and he wasn’t even sure would he have been even ready to face him. He did remember the heated dance and the kiss at the club, but everything after that was just darkness until the third day of his recovering. He didn’t know lot about the poisoner, just something about that he was from Xiezhi. Somehow, nobody really wanted to talk about that. Or they were probably just busy with other things... The kiss kept his mind busy, and all the other things attached to it.

How many knew about that? Did Hyukjae remember it or had he been so drunk he couldn’t? And most importantly, why had he danced like that with him and kissed him that night? It was hard to think that Hyukjae could have some feelings towards him… Should he pretend that he didn’t remember it? Would that be right thing to do…?

Eventually, he decided that it would be better if he pretended that nothing ever happened.

The rest of the December passed with tensed up atmosphere, everyone taking a note of it but no one really saying a thing about it. Donghae acted like he didn’t know anything about the night at the club, even though some people gave him confused looks.

If Donghae saw Hyukjae, they didn’t talk like they used to do or the conversations were pretty awkward and they died before they could even really get it started. He tried to ignore it, and think that everyone had to be just busy with everything.

It was the last day before the year would hop one number higher, and the new 365 days countdown would start from the beginning again. It was a ‘free’ day for everyone, like the next day also, and many of the guys seemed to have disappeared from the mansion, to wherever they had decided to spend the New Year’s Eve. Of course there still were some guys who were there, but would leave somewhere between eight to twelve pm to celebrate the changing year.

Donghae was anyway staying at the mansion, most likely spending the night alone. It might have been a bit depressing, but he had decided to not care. And he didn’t really have any interest to go to a club. The last time was enough for a while; he just didn’t want to experience it again so he had decided to decline the few invitations he got from Heechul the day before.

It was already around seven pm, and the last ones, including Heechul, Sungmin, Ryeowook, Kyuhyun and Yesung, had started preparing to leave the building soon. The youngest was sprawling on the big couch, the remote control on his hand and other hand circled around the bowl of popcorns. Some movie was about to start in few minutes, when Sungmin walked more into the living room while adjusting his scarf, a little frown on his face.

“Donghae, are you sure you don’t want to come with us?” the brunette asked, a worried tone evident in his voice.

“Yes, I’ll be fine”, Donghae mumbled and took a good fistful of his popped corns, throwing them all at once inside his mouth and looking like a hamster while chewing on them.

“I just don’t want to find you here tomorrow, choked on popcorns.”

“I’m not that miserable, am I?” Donghae said, but his attention focused at the big screen, where the movie – whatever it was even called – was showing the titles already.

“Sungmin, our cab is here”, Ryeowook said from the background. Sungmin turned to look at him, then glancing at Donghae for one more time.

“Okay, happy New Year already, because I think we’ll see next year again”, the smiling brunette said with a sweet smile, and they bid their goodbyes before going. When they were gone, Donghae sighed and let his body slide even lower, making his position even more flabby.

In half an hour he was already sprawling on the couch on his back, left foot raised over the backrest and right over the armrest. He was watching the TV upside down.

“It might be more interesting to choke on popcorns”, he sighed dramatically, to himself of course, “What a pity I already ate them. I might die of boredom, though.”

 

*

 

The freezing snowstorm outside made Hyukjae hurry inside. It was almost ten at night, and even though it was supposed to be a day off, for him it wasn’t. Yunho had ordered him to receive a transmission from Hong Kong, and he didn’t have a word to say otherwise. Somehow, he had this feeling Yunho was intentionally trying to give him shitloads of work, but he couldn’t quite figure out why.

His fingers were freezing and his hair covered in snow, which had started to melt since got himself finally inside the mansion. He didn’t really fancy this winter weather.

Hyukjae knew most of the guys were away for the night, and he didn’t want anything else so much but to relax right now. He was glad he could be home alone, eat what he wanted and go to sleep when he— Did he just hear someone snoring?

The blonde sighed in frustration and walked to the living room, soon seeing two legs coming over the couch and the man wasn’t sure what to think about that. He didn’t know anyone of them would have such weird sleeping habits.

But of course, he had forgotten one particular person who just couldn’t be normal anyway.

“You got to be kidding me”, he muttered and circled to the front side of the sofa, scratching his neck and tilting his head while staring at the strawberry blonde, who once again happened to amaze Hyukjae. Donghae was sleeping; his upper body and right arm were dangling over the edge of the couch, mouth hanging half open. The blond couldn’t understand how anyone could possibly sleep like that.

He tucked his fingers inside his jean’s pockets and exhaled, while his eyes were still glued on Donghae’s sleeping figure.

The last week had been weird between them. He didn’t know why, but he just couldn’t really talk with Donghae after the poisoning, who seemed to be unaware about the happening before he blacked out. And it was supposed to be clear that he didn’t remember the dance and the kiss, but why were they acting like this – so awkwardly and tensed? They weren’t like this even at the beginning.

It was true that he hadn’t even asked about it, but he just… He was always chickening out in the end when he was about to ask about it. What was he even afraid of really? Because, when he had looked into Donghae’s eyes that night, he just knew the other one wouldn’t back out. And he didn’t. Donghae kissed him back, a bit cautiously at first, but eventually with all he got; lips and tongues, and changing salivas. And a mere thought of that started the churning and tingling sensations all over him again.

Why would Donghae pretend he didn’t remember if he actually did? Was he afraid of him? It was the truth that he had been a bit cold for the last week, but he didn’t honestly know what to do with himself. It was hard not to talk with Donghae, but when he tried he knew something was off with the younger. So could it be that Donghae was as lost as him…?

Hyukjae looked around, although it was pretty clear there wasn’t anyone else but them in the whole house that night. He could wake him up and make him have a talk with him.

He coughed first, but it didn’t make any difference with the sleeping guy, so he grabbed the remote control and changed the channel into a music TV, then maximizing the volume to its loudest.

Donghae opened his eyes and his whole body boggled upwards, but his attempt to get up failed, and he just glided down in the spacing between the couch and the coffee table. The gap was too small though, so his legs were still hanging on the couch, while Donghae growled loudly while trying to adjust what the heck just happened to him.

The strawberry blonde blinked few times, surprised even more when the loud volume suddenly went back to normal. He noticed someone standing nearby from the corner of his eyes, and he rolled himself wholly between the little space between the two furniture before he was able to get himself up. He huffed and looked at the blonde, a little amused man with a scowl on his face. He was a bit annoyed since he fell down and someone interrupted his napping.

“What the heck was that for?” he asked and took of his ponytail because his head still stung a little from the fall.

“You were going to fall anyway, sooner or later”, Hyukjae said, with a little smirk.

“You just had to be here to cause it, right?” Donghae scoffed, straightening his black t-shirt and jeans which were a little uncomfortably on him since he had been moving in his sleep.

“Why not? Why are you so pissed off?”

“Because…because of you.”

“Me? What have I done wrong?”

“Yeah, what could it be?” Donghae mumbled, obviously irritated.

“Yah, I just wanted to wake you up.”

“Why? I would have liked to keep on sleeping.”

“I wanted to talk.”

“About what?” the younger grunted, glancing at the other hastily. He still tried to pretend he didn’t remember. It was hard though. Hyukjae’s mere proximity made him think about the kiss.

Donghae winced when Hyukjae was suddenly standing in front of him, brown eyes looking even darker than usual, and gaze piercing like a knife. He unconsciously gulped, and backed off a step, but his butt stumbled against the couch’s backrest. Hyukjae followed those few steps, maybe even one more. He was closer than a moment ago.

Hyukjae was looking at him; head tilted a little towards right and blond bangs covering his black orbs just minimally. But the look he was giving for Donghae wasn’t easily readable, it was asking, meaningful and almost daring. The younger couldn’t figure out why.

His heart was beating like it was going to burst out of his chest.

But the blonde turned his gaze away, and had a look on his face like he was frustrated. Not that it wouldn’t be true, he wouldn’t be the only one.

“Us”, he stated, turning his eyes back for a second, “Don’t you remember?” Hyukjae asked.

“Remember…what?” His own heartbeat was making him crazy. He felt out of breath and he was only standing there.

“You’re avoiding me. You’re avoiding eye-contact and we’re fucking awkward with each other. Your acting isn’t convincing me. Why would you avoid me, if you just didn’t remember what happened, Donghae?”

“I…I…” Donghae stammered.

“You do remember, don’t you?” Hyukjae’s eyes went darker again; there was something between offended and hopeful, but the fact he also wanted to protect his feelings was evident. He could see that Hyukjae felt self-conscious.

“I…” the younger started, uncertain, “I remember.” He started to blush. The next question didn’t help at all.

“What do you remember?”

It felt like he had a lump in his throat.

His mind didn’t stop playing that memory in his head. Everything flickered again and again; reminding him about it and making him feel those same things again.

“Dancing”, he said quietly, almost in a whispering tone.

“And…?” Hyukjae’s voice went lower, huskier. Donghae couldn’t look at him, but he felt Hyukjae’s eyes piercing right through him.

He could bet that it felt like this when you were getting a heart attack. He could hear that muscle thumbing, blood boiling inside him way too fast.

“Y-your…hands on my waist.”

He wasn’t sure if the memory was so real, or did Hyukjae really place his hands on his body after saying that out loud.

“You k-kissing me.” The younger looked at the older, the man who was his leader. That man stared back at him, and now he was sure he saw something clearly.

When another pair of lips touched his own, he almost whimpered at the sensation. His insides were heating up, and his mind was firing up fireworks like no other. Donghae’s whole body was sending shivers all over him when he felt a tongue touching his lower lip and asking for his permission.

He didn’t think twice when he opened his mouth a little, and soon felt that wet muscle against his own. But it wasn’t so fierce this time, it was… Almost sensual. Hyukjae took his time and let their lips and tongues get to know each other again.

Donghae’s legs felt wobbly, and he hoped he wouldn’t rumble down right there.

The kiss stopped soon, and now he had to look into his eyes again. Hyukjae’s face was close, like making sure he wouldn’t run away. He took a step closer, not able to stop himself.

“I knew you would remember. I don’t understand why did you pretend though”, he said, voice even huskier if that was possible. Donghae had never heard him talk like that, and it didn’t help that he felt his hot breath on near his sensitive neck. He gulped, biting his lip and hoping.

“You’re not gay”, he said, all power faded off from his voice. He couldn’t look him in the eyes.

“No, I’m not.” It felt like a rock was dropped down his stomach.

“But it doesn’t mean…” the blonde continued, “That I can’t have feelings for you.”

Hyukjae was staring at him, and just now he could understood that look.

Desire.

 

He felt like he could exhale a punch of butterflies out of him.


	20. Undisclosed desires

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut ahead.

Between sloppy kisses and swirling tongues, skin-burning touches and suppressed moans Donghae felt how he was suddenly pushed against a cold wall, and for a moment he was really able to think what was happening. He didn’t know what had happened in between, but neither of them had tried to stop each other at any point after they had started.

The living room was already left far behind, and they had somehow stumbled their way through the stairs up to the second floor. He had just figured out that they were probably going towards Hyukjae’s room, since his own was on downstairs.

Donghae hadn’t thought he could be in a situation like this at New Year’s Eve.

It was all new to him, but he didn’t find any reasons why he should stop. For him, it didn’t matter if he was sharing French kisses and experiencing touches with a man. Even Hyukjae didn’t seem to care, when his lips landed on Donghae’s neck and the younger let out a quivering moan, fingers clasping on the other’s white dress shirt like his life was depending on it.

Neither of them had ever done something like that before – or maybe Hyukjae had, but still not with the same gender.

It was all new and exciting, even intoxicating.

Donghae felt goose bumps when surprisingly warm fingers brushed against his tanned, bare skin under his slim t-shirt. He took a sharp inhale, and let it out when those fingertips trailed slowly upwards. The boy wasn’t directly looking at the older one, but he sensed his almond shaped eyes on him clear enough; intensively staring at his reactions to those touches light as feathers. It gave him the feeling of going on in slow-motion, like they were trying to savor those thrills and take everything out of it.

He was surprised how his mind was shut down for once, and he was really able to live in the moment. It wasn’t easy to understand how he didn’t try to fight back, but he only gave in. He wasn’t afraid, like he had thought he could be. It didn’t even feel wrong to do these things.

Hyukjae didn’t feel much different. He was nervous and jittery, but it was mostly because of the excitement, and the endorphins that had started to pour over his mind. The blonde couldn’t take his eyes off of Donghae, when he had finally let himself do that. He hadn’t expected that it could be so easy to touch a person who isn’t the opposite sex, like was normative.

But he also realized that he had never wanted someone so much like Donghae. It was crazy; this young man was making his body feel like a home of butterflies, his heart flutter in a way it had never before. And still, he realized all of that just now. He was almost blown away with these feelings he let himself finally feel.

All those thoughts tangling inside his head, he leaned in to capture Donghae’s thin lips against his own again while his fingers left that silky skin of his abdomen to take a hold of those smooth cheeks, and give him the feeling they were closer to each other. He let his lips’ touch linger between fierce and passionate, not taking too much but yet not giving all he might got.

For someone else, it might not have been the ideal option for the first time, but Hyukjae or Donghae didn’t care.

The one with strawberry blonde strands moaned with half-closed eyes when hips not of his own grinded against his for the first time. Both of them still fully clothed, but those bulges still evident to their eyes. And they hadn’t even touched each other that much yet – they had just started – even though it felt like a hundred of things had already happened in such a short time.

Donghae’s gaze met Hyukjae’s sharp one, his cheeks already flushed in deeper pink and lips swollen from the kisses they had shared. It might have been the first time when they really could read each other like open books. Donghae could see the storming sea of Hyukjae’s emotions, and recognize that it wasn’t just lust – it also showed him his fears from his past, those thoughts that doubted his adequacy. How he desperately didn’t want this to be just a one night’s case. How uncertain he was about the future, but how much he wanted to give it a chance.

How could Donghae even think about saying no to those dark orbs, when he was falling even harder after seeing the rawness in them?

 

 

The younger wanted to say something, but he knew it would only ruin the moment so he stayed silent, deciding that they would have the time to talk later.

He was clearly the one who followed Hyukjae’s lead, and he gladly accepted that – like now, when the blond took a light grip of his uncertain hand and placed it on his own chest. The feeling of Hyukjae’s fast heartbeat under his palm was giving him more confidence, and after few seconds he let his hand wander freely on that firm muscle, although his chocolate colored eyes were silently asking for a permission to go further.

Donghae’s hand slid lower, exploring Hyukjae’s body in a way that wasn’t rushed, but making his time with the sensations and memorizing every tone so he could remember that even in his sleep. And Hyukjae’s eyes followed his eyes moves, slightly pushing his body even closer to the hand when he was going lower, and eventually colliding with the metal of his belt.

Their gazes met once again, and while Hyukjae bit his lower lip, Donghae raised his other hand to finally open the door he was still leaning on. He turned the handle, and opened the door while taking steps slowly backwards into the room, his other hands’ fingers pulling the older one after him.

He didn’t give a damn about the time, or the long minutes they had used against the door, kissing and getting used to the other one’s touches. It was all just an overture for what was still becoming.

Hyukjae probably closed the door with a light swing of his foot, and it’s quiet thud told that they were finally, completely and entirely all alone with each other.

The little distance between their bodies was soon bunged-up when the blonde’s lips attacked Donghae’s bare neck and left damp kisses touch after touch, encouraging the other one to make an initiative. And so Donghae started to open up the dress shirt’s buttons, from the bottom to the top ones.

He took his time, until he felt the shirt loosing up around Hyukjae’s body and he slid his almost hot palms between the skin and the fabric, palpating the naked shoulders and pushing the clothing off of him. When it touched the floor, Donghae sighed in pleasure when he felt a wet and hot tongue trailing on the crook between his nape and shoulder blades. 

Hyukjae’s manly scent was making his head feel even dizzier, and he couldn’t deny how much all that masculinity was turning him on – how much Hyukjae turned him on. He was now sure he would not get aroused like this by a female body compared to what he was experiencing right now.

Hyukjae pushed him gently forward, and he noticed how his calves had just collided with the edge of bed and how those dark orbs were staring at him questioningly.

Donghae was genuinely surprised how easily they understood each other without saying a word. And just few days ago they had been awkward like plain strangers with each other.

The blond tilted his head, and the usual cockiness was obviously gaining back its strength when Hyukjae slid his hand downwards from Donghae’s chest and brushed over his aching, clothed arousal. Donghae’s breath hitched and he stared at the hand that was now skimming over his left thigh, making him curse those skin-tight jeans. He was gaping, his lips drying until he licked them and moisturized them like he was doing that on purpose, since Hyukjae didn’t prevent himself from kissing those lips that already got him addicted like the best drug in the markets.

Hyukjae felt confident when Donghae’s body shivered when his fingers went to pull off his t-shirt and open up the button and the zipper, but didn’t do else even though he knew the younger wanted more right now. Contrary to Donghae’s opinions, he clasped his plump lips against the thin ones, but just for a moment before pushing Donghae lower, his back soon stumbling against the mellow mattress.

The strawberry blonde swallowed the nil saliva inside his mouth, looking a bit uncertain. But Hyukjae knew he wasn’t afraid too much; Donghae wasn’t going to funk although he was so nervous. He was almost hundred percent sure it was the boy’s first time, and he had decided to respect that fact even if he was much more experienced with sex altogether.

Still, it was somehow his first time too. At least it felt like it; he was way more jittery than when he had sex first time with a girl. Back then he was as confident as a teenager could be, and now he didn’t have that over-pouring confidence anymore.

But he was confident enough to notice what his proximity, what his touches and kisses caused on Donghae. And it was enough.

It was enough to make him lean down over Donghae’s chest and experimentally lick his nipples, while his other hand was lightly brushing over the younger’s hip bones. He was pleased when Donghae whimpered from the touch and his head was leant backwards while his fingers grasped around the blanket, his knuckles soon turning closer to a white coloring.

He tried to ignore the throbbing erection inside his own pants, because he knew that he would get his release eventually. For him it was important to give Donghae enough pleasure, so it would keep away the fears and unnecessary thoughts that would ruin everything faster than he could take a note of it.

 

 

Hyukjae had long forgotten his own insecurities considering this, and he didn’t even discern the differences between right and wrong anymore; because for him this was the new right.

Slowly, he worked his tongue lower on Donghae’s lean and tanned body, that wasn’t so boyish than he remembered it to be at the beginning of their way of getting to know each other. He was pretty sure that this arrogant, but adorable brat had achieved to grow some muscles after starting his training and practicing here months ago.

He couldn’t deny that Donghae was damn sexy and hot with those brown eyes that had some eyeliner around them and were now staring up on him and waiting.

He was just perfect.

The older one gave Donghae a crooked, determined smile which made the boy’s stomach churn in anticipation – almost ready to plead that Hyukjae would take off his tight jeans and free his painfully pulsating cock.

Hyukjae seemed to understand when his fingers went underneath the waistband of his jeans, and slowly started to pull them off, almost playing with Donghae’s patience. His eyes shot up to Donghae’s face when he uttered a moan just because his jeans were finally pulled off and thrown to the floor, and Hyukjae smirked to that reaction.

He would be lying if he said that those moans didn’t turn him on even more than he already was.

Donghae still had his boxers on, and he tried to catch a breath because he really felt like he was out of it. But he wasn’t given enough time to do that because the other man leaned on his hand against the mattress, his other hand giving Donghae something he had been craving for already; Hyukjae’s hand touching him.

Hyukjae felt overwhelmed when he saw that dampened trail of pre-cum on those particular boxers and touched the length with his fingers, stroking its sides through the fabric. He was sure that the wet trail thing was actually very mutual.

He kept stroking Donghae’s cock for a short while, occasionally glancing at him just to boost up his confidence when seeing and hearing the mess of a boy moaning and bucking his hips against the palm, wanting more. Hyukjae bit his lip and hovered over the other male, just to peck his lips few times before he stood up and opened his own pants, letting them fall on the floor by the weight of his belt. He kicked them further, and turned to grab one thing from his bedside table.

The tube was tossed somewhere nearby, and Hyukjae focused to take off the last thing still covering that body he really wanted to see wholly without any clothing. Those boxers flew on somewhere on the floor, and he sensed that Donghae had tensed a little; obviously aware of what was going to happen very soon.

The blonde decided to get rid of that tenseness and clasped their lips together, and soon their tongues were swirling against each other, sometimes sucking on that muscle and one of them moaning lowly because of that. Hands were roaming around their heated bodies and Donghae ventured to take a grip of the older one’s boxers and slowly slide them down when Hyukjae was on his all fours above him, abusing his neck and obviously leaving some physical evidence of the turn of events.

When Hyukjae’s boxers had been moved on to his knees, Donghae heard how a cap was opened, but he didn’t know more about it until he felt something cold touching him down there. He gasped a little, mostly because it really felt cold, and a little because of the fact it was real; it was really going to happen and he didn’t even want to stop here.

Donghae looked into Hyukjae’s eyes - he was only slightly touching him, not going any further before knowing that the younger was ready for it. And it was the first time Donghae really tried to utter some words out of his mouth.

“I…”

“I know”, the blonde said softly, almost whispered. Donghae kept looking him into the eyes, feeling how he started to relax. And he saw, that Hyukjae was as nervous as him – and he closed his eyes, like telling him that it would be alright.

It didn’t take long when he felt a finger pushed inside him, and he didn’t even notice that he had silently moaned because of the new sensations it caused in him. He couldn’t say it was uncomfortable, because honestly, he actually liked the feeling of something inside him, filling him. It was all new and unknown for him, but he didn’t want to assume things that might not be true.

He couldn’t stop himself from moaning when Hyukjae started to move the finger in and almost out of him, occasionally scissoring him. Sometimes it stung a little, but yet it didn’t hurt. Even the second finger didn’t hurt; it felt more like stretching any other jammed muscle.

 

 

He was very close to be startled when Hyukjae spoke, his voice all husky.

“Does it hurt?”

Donghae swallowed and instantly bit his lower lip when he suddenly felt a whole new level of pleasure.

“N-no”, he breathed, his needing body slightly shivering.

“That felt good?” Hyukjae asked again, spreading the younger’s legs wider, exposing all of him to the other. He moved closer, trying to ignore his cock that was screaming for attention, but he refused to give any. His lower body and also hands almost trembled in anticipation, and he very clearly felt how the tip of his erection was dripping over some pre-cum while it proudly stood firmly against his lower abdomen. He bend his fingers a little more, which caused the younger’s back arching and groaning in pleasure when he had touched his pleasure spot.

“Y-yes…!” Donghae wailed.

The blonde leaned down to kiss the living daylights out of him while he added the third finger inside him. Donghae grunted because now it slightly hurt, but the kissing really helped to endure it and soon he was able to feel intoxicating sensations again, moaning against Hyukjae’s plump lips. 

“Please”, Donghae suddenly whimpered, but demanding, “M-more…”

Hyukjae looked at him, feeling how the lower part of his body was burning in heat, and the plead he heard almost took over him completely. He just gazed back at Donghae, whose darkened eyes were filled with desire, his arousal throbbing against his stomach, in need to release. Hyukjae licked his lips and pulled his fingers out of the other, who whined for the loss of them.

He took the lube again and poured it very generously on his cock, almost letting out a loud moan when he stroked it all over him before he tossed the tube away and positioned himself between Donghae’s thighs. He was slightly panting, out of breath when he forgot to breathe properly while he was so mesmerized over everything else.

Slowly, he started pushing the tip of his cock inside, needing to re-do it for few times more before he actually managed to push the whole tip inside the younger because of his tightness. When the first part was in, he exhaled warily, trying get off the dizziness that it caused to him being so fucking tight around him.

And he also needed to give Donghae time to adjust to his size, since it seemed to be a bit painful. Donghae refused to let his body get tensed, so after a minute of getting used to it he bucked his hips forwards and forced the blonde to go deeper in him, and it actually helped to ease the pain. The strawberry blonde noticed how Hyukjae was really trying not to move before he would allow it.

“Move”, he whispered, but Hyukjae heard enough of it, and while gazing each other’s eyes he let his hips move in delaying way, moaning in the mad pleasure which forced him to close his eyes.

It took few minutes to make Donghae arch his back and throw his head onto the mattress, changing into a moaning mess when Hyukjae again and again succeeded to abuse his sensitive spot. In the end he couldn’t really keep that slow pace, and he was soon thrusting inside that tightness much faster, feeling the certain burning inside him getting heavier.

Donghae circled his legs around Hyukjae’s body, forcing him to go deeper in him, even though it was almost too much for him to take. He couldn’t understand how something could feel so good, and he felt so full when Hyukjae was inside him.

“Ah – fuck, Hae…” the older one moaned while thrusting against him, and noticing how he felt his orgasm already on its way. He hovered over Donghae, left hand leaning against the mattress when he circled his fingers around Donghae’s hard-on and started to jerk him off. It only caused more moaning and squirming, also cussing from the younger who felt himself being so close. He felt so full, and he wanted to come already.

“S-shit”, the strawberry blonde wailed. He wouldn’t have believed that it could feel like that; that the pleasure could really make him feel like this. He felt how damp his back and forehead already were, and it was the same for Hyukjae, who had some sweat dripping town on his forehead and chest.

Their bodies were warm like hell, eyes dull in satisfaction and limbs trembling because they were soon going over the edge.

Donghae’s abdominal muscles tensed up and Hyukjae noticed it and stroked him faster, panting hard.

“H-Hyukjae…!” The wail was loud and hoarse, foreshadowing the orgasm that was coming. “I-I’m… Fuckk…!” Hyukjae pinned the younger one’s arm onto the bed and demanded him to look him in the eyes.

“Hae, cum for me.”

Donghae didn’t need anything else, and he felt the orgasm taking over him strongly, making him almost scream when he came and let the white fluid stain his stomach and Hyukjae’s hand. He milked the younger all the way to the end when there was nothing to come anymore until he released himself with a low groan, still thrusting inside the other when he was riding out his orgasm.

 

 

Ten minutes later, after they, or actually Hyukjae, had cleaned them out with some tissues, they were both extremely worn out. Donghae had dived under the blanket without asking any permission – and the older one had let him do that.

He took some clean boxers for himself, not caring about showering, and quietly joined the strawberry blonde into the bed. For his own surprise he pulled Donghae against his chest, even though his breathing had evened out so much it was evident he was already asleep.

Hyukjae inhaled his somehow sweet, a little bit sweaty scent that had some masculine, but caramelized tint of a shower gel in it too. And he liked that scent. It was all Donghae, and he liked him just like that.

He closed his eyes, but muttered out loud something even though the younger was already in deep slumber.

“I think I’m truly, madly and deeply falling in love with you, you arrogant brat…”


	21. Changes

He couldn’t stop staring at the man beside him; whose thin lips were parted a little and his steady breath calmed him. The strawberry blonde looked so peaceful and so innocent, contradictory to the happenings just some hours ago. Hyukjae didn’t have the heart to wake the younger up, even though it was already nearing afternoon, so he let Donghae sleep and just watched over him while he slept.

 His own dark eyes were sparkling and smiling, and it was hard to breathe when he thought about the night before. He just couldn’t believe what he had done with a man he had desired almost immediately from the beginning, even if he hadn’t confessed that fact to himself back then. Now the only things he was capable to think, was Donghae, and his soft lips and beautiful body, that seemed to jus blend in perfectly with his own.

 Hyukjae knew everyone wouldn’t accept their relationship, but he didn’t want to care. Most of his friends were fortunately permissive or indifferent with things like these, and anyhow, his sexual or romantic relationship with anyone wasn’t anyone else’s business...

 The blond didn’t realize he was gently stroking Donghae’s hair when he was lost in his own thoughts, until the younger shifted in his sleep and slowly started to wake up to this day.

 Hyukjae suddenly felt self-conscious again when he understood that this was indeed reality and everything had really happened. And because of that, things would probably change. They couldn’t say they were just friends anymore. But what were they then?

 They couldn’t be a couple yet since they hadn’t talked about it. But would they be? Somewhere back in his head he knew he was going to take a huge risk if he was going to date this guy, or in fact any other guy. Relationships weren’t the easiest things to keep going nicely when your life circled around the mafia.

 And he had had a very good example about its dangerousness just two years ago, and they were just friends. But every close relationship was in danger in life lived like this.

 Donghae was waking up from a slumber that had probably been one of the bests in a while, even though his lower back was irritatingly aching right now. He didn’t want to open his eyes, but when he felt those affectionate strokes on his head, Donghae remembered he wasn’t alone. And it made him nervous to open his eyes, because when he’d do that, he would obviously meet Hyukjae’s eyes on him. Anyhow, he decided to be brave and he opened his eyes, slowly adjusting to the daylight coming through the windows.

 When he also remembered why his back was sore, he felt his face and actually whole body heating up, blush coloring his cheeks in soft reddish color.

 But somehow, his fears faded away when he heard that familiar, but this time more hoarse voice coming so close to him.

 “Good morning, sleepyhead.”

 The strawberry blonde bit his lower lip, looking into the darker almond orbs quite innocently, almost a little bashful. Hyukjae’s voice wasn’t teasing like it usually was; it was calm and serene, almost soft and it made the younger mentally melting into that.

 The other male’s fingers were still playing with Donghae’s almost orange hair, and it felt so good and relaxing he was afraid he would fall back asleep because of it. But he just closed his eyes for a moment, and whispering greeted the other good morning too.

They were just lying there, staring into each other’s eyes, and both were surprised how they didn’t actually feel nervous or difficult being like that. Of course it was all new, but like Donghae, he was just anticipating  _everything_  that was happening between them.

 Hyukjae wanted to talk, but he wasn’t exactly sure what to say. And obviously Donghae felt the same, since they talked over each other at the same time.

 “Do you—“

 “I just—“

 When they realized that, a wide smile spread on Hyukjae’s face and Donghae silently giggled.

 “Sorry”, Hyukjae mouthed, bringing his fingertips to caress the younger’s face with a now slight grin.

 “Go ahead, I already forgot what I was going to say”, Donghae smiled shortly and palmed his forehead, feeling a bit embarrassed even though he felt like laughing in relief. He was relieved because he felt so easy, it was all so easy to be like that although they were being like silly teenagers both of them.

 “Oh, I’m sorry for that”, the blonde said, the usual, teasing smile back in his eyes.

 “Stop that”, Donghae laughed and playfully hit Hyukjae’s chest, but the other one took a grip of it and pulled him closer to his chest, leaning on his elbows and hovering over the younger.

 Hyukjae stared him, dark eyes sparkling amusedly. The strawberry blonde knew he was most likely blushing a bit, but it was soon forgotten when Hyukjae leaned lower, his lips almost touching Donghae’s. He was able to feel the warm breath on his lips, just mere millimeters away from his own.

 “Stop what?” Hyukjae asked, and the whisper send shivers through the younger’s body.

 “Teasing me”, Donghae breathed back, his stomach churning from all the feelings flowing through his body. He was about to nag something more, but his mind was wiped blank when those plump limps clasped against his mouth. He was damn sure his heart skipped a beat when Hyukjae slowly moved his lips against his own.

 He felt slightly dizzy because of how good that truly felt.

 Hyukjae was addicted to these lips; they were so soft and tempting and easily made him just want more of them. Their tongues swirled against each other, examining every new feeling and sensations it gave. Eventually their lips parted in need of air, and Hyukjae fell back onto his side on the mattress. He looked at Donghae, and he could almost see him glowing, his essence peaceful, pleased and relaxed. And the younger’s smile just made him look even better.

 It just felt like words weren’t needed, it was more like they would just ruin their mood, so they stayed mostly silent, just looking at each other and letting their fingertips brush against each other’s skin curiously.

 But Hyukjae was wondering, if Donghae was feeling any pain, so he decided to ask so he wouldn’t need to worry about that too much.

 “Are you… Are you feeling sore? Did I...hurt you?” He watched over the other, trying to read his expression. At least he didn’t look like being in pain he couldn’t endure. But he noticed that blush though.

 “N-no, I’m okay”, Donghae said softly, gazing back at Hyukjae under his eyebrows. “My back stings a little but I can cope with that. You were…pretty gentle yesterday so I’m… I’m really fine.”

 The older one just smiled softly and ruffled Donghae’s strawberry blonde strands, liking the adorableness of the younger one. He was clearly feeling a little shy about it, maybe a bit unbelieving too.

 “I’m glad then”, he mouthed, and Donghae surprisingly snuggled against his bare chest, hiding his face somewhere under his jaw.

 They stayed for some time like that; Donghae just inhaling Hyukjae’s manly scent while Hyukjae himself kept stroking the other’s bare back with his hand.

 Hyukjae was weighing up if he should confess his feelings to Donghae or not. Somehow he wanted to, but on the other hand he wasn’t sure if it would be right time for that. He was getting annoyed with his conflicting thoughts and in the end he was going to tell.

 “Donghae…?”

 “Yeah?” the younger male muttered lazily, and Hyukjae pushed himself a bit further away from him so he could look him in the brown eyes while talking.

 “I—“

 He had just started, when the ringing of his phone interrupted his sentence and he sighed tiredly. That was a mean way to wake him up to the reality. “Sorry”, he mumbled, and leaned his hand to take his smart phone from the night stand. He had an apologizing look in his eyes. “I need to take this.”

 “It’s okay, I think I’ll have a shower before I’m too glued to the bed”, Donghae said with a sweet smile, and he stood up from the bed.

 Hyukjae noticed it was Yunho calling him, and he tapped the green icon on the screen and took the phone onto his ear.

 He noticed how Donghae hissed while he walked to the bathroom, and Hyukjae chuckled a little.

 Lazily he discussed for few minutes with Yunho, who told him to meet up with him later in the evening at his office in downtown of Incheon. Hyukjae of course agreed, because he didn’t really have a choice. Leader’s words were the law and he didn’t dare to go against them.

 

*

 

The blond haired man in his tight, black jeans and a black leather jacket wasn’t sure what to think when he knocked on his boss’ door and few seconds later was able to step in.

 Hyukjae was greeted with a back turned towards him in the dark room, which was only illuminated by the cold hued night lights coming in through the wall sized windows and a little lamp sitting on the desk.

 He could see the sea of Incheon’s neon lights, the cars passing on the streets and the buildings hovering over the bustling city that by up from there kept its secrets well hidden from everybody. But he, and the other male inside the room, did know about those secrets by blood that had stained their hands at least once – and probably many times more already.

 They stood there in silence; Yunho just quietly observing the city before him with his hands tucked inside his dress pants’ pockets, and Hyukjae standing there like a soldier waiting for an command, staring at his boss who was giving him a feeling he wasn’t able to understand.

 He didn’t dare to say anything, since he was hundred percent sure Yunho had completely noticed his presence already. He wasn’t sure if he was deep in his thoughts, or just waiting for Hyukjae’s patience to crack.

 He was able to hear the distant sounds of the sirens howling somewhere in the city, and somehow this everything made him feel very restless. His whole body felt cold, and he bit his lips anxiously, but never lowering his gaze from the lean back at the window.

 It was like there was something in the air, something you could sense even though sun was shining. It was the scent of change, the calm before the storm.  The sultry weather before the sky would cover everything in dark and unleash the pouring rain and blasting thunder.

 When Hyukjae shifted his eyes to the city, he saw how the other man raised his head a little more upwards towards the dark night sky. He could have almost assumed a sigh coming from the man, but it never came. If Hyukjae’s mood had been good for the start of the day, it was most likely going to drop sooner than he wanted to.

 The younger man standing closer to the room’s entrance actually flinched a bit when Yunho finally turned around, a cold expression on his face. Sometimes it felt like the man knew more than anyone told him, and Hyukjae could almost suspect him from spying his own friends. It was that often he was surprised by his leader’s and friend’s knowledge about things.

 He just stood there and stared at his leader’s eyes, wondering if it was some kind of game between them. Hyukjae didn’t even blink, until Yunho walked closer to him, still reading his eyes like he could see everything straight through him. He gritted his teeth, almost feeling annoyed by the man’s actions or the lacking of them. The gaze in his almond orbs hardened when his boss took a grip of his jaw and glared upon him even harder. He was waiting; waiting for any explanation or words to understand what the man really wanted, but when he finally opened his mouth, he hoped would never had dared him to talk.

 “You’ve crossed the line, Hyukjae”, Yunho said, squeezing his jaw even harder, but the younger didn’t move until he really got irritated about the assumptions. He freed his face from the grip and hissed, he already got a bad feeling what was coming and he didn’t like his leader’s attitude a bit.

 “What line?” he asked annoyed. “There isn’t any lines”, he snarled.

 “I already warned you once, and I see you didn’t listen to me.”

 “So what have I done, that is so wrong, Yunho?”

 The man gave him even harder glare.

 “You slept with him, didn’t you?” the dark haired and eyed man said coldly. “You’ve stepped on the thin ice now, Hyukjae.”

 The younger swallowed his saliva and turned his gaze away.

 “Is it such a bad thing to be a human?” His voice was weaker, and he already knew he wasn’t the one in control here.

 “Have you already forgotten what happened last time?”

 Hyukjae was still looking away, clenching his fists and biting the insides of his mouth, but he couldn’t keep his mouth shut any longer.

 “Of course I fucking remember! I will be never able to forget that!” he screamed angrily, but Yunho didn’t move a muscle.

 “Then you should know what to do.”

 He knew he was getting weaker; he didn’t have his confidence anymore and Yunho was easily overpowering him. All the bad things and fears had already started to flood inside his head, and his heart ached. Was he going to eventually lose every person dear to him…? He tried – he really tried to grew some courage, and eventually he slammed his fist against the mahogany desk on his right side, while Yunho trailed in front of him like a beast before its attack.

 “Why is it so wrong to fall in love? Why can’t I have a one fucking thing in my life that’s not controlled by you?” Hyukjae was shouting the questions – his mind already messed up by Yunho, a man he had grown to look up to, although he wasn’t so sure anymore. He was loyal, but he couldn’t keep doing everything as he was ordered to.

 “You’ve already lost a close person, so do you want to live it again, huh? Why do you so eagerly want to put people in danger Hyukjae? Xiezhi already knows who Donghae is; they already know you’re close to him. Someone is always after us. There’s  _always_  someone who sees more than necessary, and those things put many people in danger. Xiezhi wants war, and Hero is ready to do everything to start it. He doesn’t care a shit who are going to get hurt or die!” Yunho shouted back, his eyes firing up in anger.

 “If you want to keep your friends alive, keep a safe distance to them. Especially Donghae, if you want to keep him alive. Xiezhi has already their eyes on him, and he’s the perfect bait for you; they  _know_  you, they know what you’re ready to do to save a life. And that’s the thing to get the people you love in danger!”

 Hyukjae was speechless, and his chest was aching painfully. He didn’t know what to do. He knew he had fallen in love, and now when Yunho was making his opinions clear he understood that he couldn’t possibly lose another human being he loved. He had already lost so much, and if he wanted to keep even a piece of that glory, he had to make choices.

 “Do you understand what I’m saying?” Yunho asked coldly and fiercely. He was one of the people who were able to overpower Hyukjae, mostly because he owed so much for him. Still, he didn’t want to think he had to do the most extreme choices to keep someone alive.

 But Yunho was making those choices for him.

 “You are  _leaving_. I want you to take the lead in Busan, and watch over Xiezhi’s doings there. I want you to organize a team that watches over for Xiezhi’s every damn move. You know it’s their main location and I want to be ready when Hero starts the game. People are going to die, and there’s going to be collateral damages. Do you understand?”

 Yunho’s eyes were piercing right into Hyukjae’s, who turned his own away like he was in shame.

 “I understand.”

 “You have two days. I want you to cut your ties with Donghae if his life is meaningful for you.”

 Hyukjae swallowed, and hoped that the burning in his eyes and his chest were just illusion. He knew that because of the choices he had made in life, averted him from the life he sometimes wanted more than anything.

 “Yes, sir.”

 “You can leave.”

 He hoped it could rain outside so he wouldn’t notice the tears running down on his cheeks when he accepted the changes he had allowed to happen.

_I'm sorry, Donghae._

 


	22. Closer to the edge

**9  M O N T H S  L A T E R**

 

The night was calm and there weren't many other cars on the road at that time, but still, the driver just accelerated the speed and did tight curves on the road, wheels wailing by the car's speed and power. The sky was dark but clear, and it was easy to see even the things in further distance.

 He didn't care about the other drivers on the road - he didn't even care about how the older man sitting on the passenger's seat was clenching his fist around the door handle.

 It had been nine long and lonely months and he still wasn't able to forget, even though he was still living, day by day, not caring about the tomorrow.

 The blue car drove past the other cars in an enormous speed, playing on the road and making the man beside him fear for his dear life even if he knew that this guy was an excellent driver and could do things that normal people weren't capable of.

 The man swallowed, his eyes turning to peek the male on the driver's seat, hoping that he would slow down even a bit. He knew it was useless, because this was obviously a way to clear his mind for a while from the thoughts that kept bugging him.

"Donghae..." he tried, "Please, could you slow down before I pee in my pants? You're scaring me."

 The other one snickered, hands controlling the wheel like he had always been doing it. "It's funny how uncomfortable you're with cars although you've been living around crazy drivers for years."

 The older one, Sungmin, huffed; "I've always liked more guns than cars. I prefer accuracy and tactics over speed."

 Donghae turned the car on the highway, where was less other cars and more straight road to drive on.

"I just..." he muttered, thoughtful, "I need this to empty my head even for a while."

 There was a short silence, the car's engine being the only one making steady humming noises for a while.

"It's been nine months... Somehow it feels like everything has changed and still nothing has. I'm still so angry...thinking about that", he said and clicked his tongue in annoyance. "Have you... Have you heard anything about them...?"

 Sungmin looked at the man he had grown to be good friends with. It was almost unbelievable how the strawberry blonde teenager had somehow so suddenly changed into a grown man who was able to take care of himself, take tasks from their boss, deal with dangerous people so naturally and so on. Even his appearance had changed few months after the sudden events; he had cut his hair and the striking orange color had been dyed into dark, but warm brown. Even such little things were able to change the way you saw people in your eyes.

"Not much... But I've heard there are constantly some problems with Xiezhi's people. Still, they're trying to keep it low and cool."

"I wonder how he's doing there..." Donghae muttered silently, his voice fading off at the end.

 The older one wasn't sure what to say. Yes, he was aware of the things that had happened back then, but they never really discussed about it afterwards. He knew Donghae had been hurt – he still was, but there were also other things mixed up; like fear and anger, and also the eating feeling of not knowing more.

 Sungmin had been surprised how calm Donghae had been at first, but not so long after Hyukjae's forced leave he had got to know that the youngest had just been bottling his feelings inside him until he had eventually broken down one day, and Sungmin had been there and listened. He had let Donghae to get everything out; all the frustration and hurt caused by the leave.

 He also knew Donghae had always been lying that his and Hyukjae's night together hadn't meant anything anyway; he knew Donghae was longing after him, but still trying to live on by focusing on training and practices, getting more and more strength, skills and courage. He had often left alone with his car and driven for hours and practicing drifting and racing. It was only few weeks after when he got to hear that Donghae had had his first race too, and Sungmin had scolded the male for being so reckless but he had gone speechless after Donghae had said he had won against his match.

 These days he was proud of Donghae like he was his own little brother. He still couldn't understand though how the younger was able to stand the pressure; the feeling of living in darkness, unknown about that if he could really settle things with the man he still loved even if he hadn't heard a thing directly from him since the day he left.

 

*  
 

“Watch out!”

 Hyukjae was panting hard, the loaded gun’s trigger between his fingers, his muscles ready to fire it up as soon as he would have to. Sweat was already running down his forehead, and for a second he thought just giving up, walking off from his hiding place behind the concrete column and raising his hands up.

 But no, he wasn’t going to do that.

 He saw a black jacketed man ran pass by him and hid behind the metal boxes.

 “Swallow this, you fucktard”, he whispered and aimed his gun, the bullet piercing the man’s head and the body falling down and taking a metal box with him. Hyukjae stood up on his feet and leered behind the column, only seeing a glimpse of another enemy and barely making it out of the flying bullet’s way.

 “Shit”, the man hissed and threw glances around to find a new hiding place where he wouldn’t get shot immediately. He took his chance when the man was searching for his teammate, running in full speed around another corner and avoiding few more bullets again.

 “Nice to see you around.”

 He heard a croak somewhere nearby and turned his head to see Siwon sitting down on the ground, holding his hand against his ribs. He could easily discern some blood that had stained his hand and his shirt.

 “Damn you, Siwon! I thought they got you”, Hyukjae said with a worried tone; he had already started to prepare himself for a loss of a friend, but now he could sigh in relief.

 “Well, they got me. But not completely”, Siwon smirked, and Hyukjae could see that the male was just catching his breath, not even close for giving up. “And they never will. Let’s catch those bastards.”

 The bleeding guy stood up, breathing heavily while he raised his gun on standby position. Hyukjae huffed and short smile visited his lips. They had already taken three down, there was only two against them anymore, but those two were patiently waiting for their prey to show up.

 “The other one is behind the south corner and the other one is lurking back there”, Hyukjae mouthed and nodded his head towards the security guard’s control room, telling that the enemy was inside, just behind a bare door and a glass window.

 Siwon inhaled and took a step closer.

 “I’ll cover you, we’ll take the one in the guard’s room first”, the man said and in less than a second they were running towards the room, Siwon ahead and Hyukjae after him, who shoot immediately when the other one started to fire. He was able to get that one, and no there was only one left, but the man escaped from his hiding place, running over the storage boxes while the two members of Shiwang tried to catch him up and get him killed.

 They ran down the storage’s stairs, but when they reached the exit the man was already too far away. Hyukjae stopped on his tracks and bended forwards, panting heavily and biting his lips in irritation.

 “Damn it!” he snarled and watched over the street ahead of them, not seeing any trail of the guy anymore. Siwon was some meters behind him, leaning against the wall and holding his ribs.

 “Let it be, we won this round”, Siwon huffed, “They didn’t get what they wanted, meaning us.”

 “It’s still pisses me off”, the one with a smaller build muttered and wiped his forehead from sweat, tucking the gun back inside his leather jacket. “I’ll go get the car, stay here”, Hyukjae continued and started to walk back for his car.

 “You really think I’d want to run away with a shot wound? Give me a break!”

 Hyukjae threw a certain finger towards him, and soon started to search for his keys. The black car was waiting him there where he had left that in a hurry after the bastard men of their enemy suddenly showed up while they were closing a trade with their client. Those men had appeared out of thin air and almost immediately started to shoot.

 He clenched his teeth together and sat down on the driver’s seat and driving to get his comrade. He should hurry to get him patched up.

 This was his life nowadays; watching over Xiezhi’s every single move and at the same time trying to keep their sales on. In a nine month period he had been already shot once, beaten up dozens of times and gotten stab wounds. It definitely was way more dangerous than the routines he had back in Incheon.

 Yes, he still got those action caused endorphin spikes which he somehow enjoyed, but there were still things he was missing daily.

 The parting from Black Diamonds had been one of the hardest things in a long time in his life mentally, especially when he had left behind a person he wasn’t able to forget. He wasn’t capable of letting go, even though their intimate time had been cut short before it had even completely started. He had left almost immediately after the talk with Yunho; asking for the others to take care and look after that one person.

  _Donghae…_

Every day, probably even in every hour, he had felt ashamed what he had done. But he had tried to convince himself that he would be happier to be away from his loved one if that decision kept them alive. It hurt, but losing Donghae would definitely hurt more than he could be able to take.

 Siwon was already inside his car after he had stopped next to him, and he steered the car on the main road, to get them away from the center of Busan.

 He had once again been absent-minded and lost in thought when the other one opened his mouth again.

 “Which one wants to be to one to report to Yunho?” Siwon asked, but his eyes looked worried. He noticed the fake smile that covered the actual pout on Hyukjae’s lips.

 “I can do that”, he answered, his voice wary.

 “You’re thinking again, aren’t you?”

 “Of course I’m thinking”, he muttered hastily, trying to focus on steering the wheel and the car to left.

 In Siwon’s eyes, Hyukjae was miserable. He was cold and hollow, and his eyes didn’t sparkle like they used to when they sometimes saw each other at least nine months before. Back in the days Siwon was already doing his work mostly at Busan, and since they were friends they sometimes went to take few beers and talk. Hyukjae wasn’t the same man he was then. He was almost the same after Donghwa had died and no one really liked to seeing him like that, even though no one mentioned about it – except for the few people that Hyukjae was more close to.

 He didn’t say anything else because he knew Hyukjae wouldn’t talk. His dull eyes told him enough about the things that lacked from his life.

 After some long minutes of the silent drive, Hyukjae opened his mouth.

 “Yunho told me yesterday that Hero had contacted him.”

 “Oh?”

 He hardened his grip around the steering wheel, his eyes never leaving the road.

 “That was a warning again”, he sighed, “But this time, Yunho said Hero was serious. They’re getting ready for taking vengeance on us. They’re going to attack. They want us all dead so Hero can dominate all the fucking Korea with his business. He just wanted to say that shit’s going to get real from here.”

 


	23. Issues

Hyukjae was waiting for one of his teammates to return from his task at the old factory that was dedicated to serve as their secret headquarters. The main one was different, and this place was something only Yunho and Hyukjae’s team knew about.

 It was supposed to be a place for them to be and work in peace, while Xiezhi wouldn’t know about it. They had gathered information about Xiezhi’s members and their doings, trying to get a better picture where they mostly met each other or which where the places they used as trading and dealing places.

 They had gotten quite a lot of information, but it still felt like something was missing; G-Dragon seemed to be pretty careless, but Hero wasn’t. It was just occasional if they saw a glimpse of the enemy’s leader, and if he appeared from somewhere they couldn’t figure out what he was doing. Sometimes it felt like he was like a breeze of the wind, always present but not always in clear sight.

 And Hyukjae’s guts told him that they only showed them what they wanted to see. For the last weeks he had had this feeling like he was being watched, even though he was extremely precise where he went and on what time, which route he took and if he saw anyone around. But still, he just had the hunch that there was still too much they didn’t know about.

 He glanced at the security system, noticing that the one’s car he had been waiting for, Hangeng, arrived to the underground parking lot they had. But again, something was off. He just didn’t know what, and he decided to have a word with someone after Hangeng had reached the office and monitoring room where Hyukjae was at the moment.

 The male in his late twenties sighed heavily when he was once again checking out the reports the others had made. Nothing eye-catching, nothing suspicious – and  _that_  definitely made him suspicious. There had to be something!

 He closed his eyes and stretched the collar of his black shirt and scratched his shoulder in annoyance. His main job nine months ago had been being the responsible person of their drug- and gun-dealing markets, but now he felt he was more like a CIA-agent than a mobster. They had even been given the suggestion to use plain, mostly dark, casual clothes and he had even dyed his hair back to black and cut it shorter. It felt weird after being blonde for few years, but somehow it made him felt more transparent, which was kind of a good thing.

 But there were so many things he was missing. He was truthfully sick and tired of watching over Xiezhi’s moves and just waiting for the worst. When he was staying over at his tiny, rented apartment, he usually spent his nights sitting at the windowsill and smoking cigarettes  – a thing  he hadn’t done in a long time until now.

 He was longing after a person, a romance they never really had  –  repeating over and over again his time and moments with Donghae. Somehow, it seemed like an illusion inside his head. Even though he didn’t have no idea if he could meet Donghae again, talk to him again, be able touch him again, he was hoping for that deep inside. Somehow he just couldn’t bring himself to turn off the little ray of hope – of  _what if._

 “H-Hyukjae—“

 The man had been deep in thoughts, but when he turned around to face Hangeng, which voice had called him just now, he soon realized that Hangeng wasn’t alone. His eyes widened and he slowly put the papers down on the table, swallowing his saliva when he saw the knife against the man’s throat and the blood dripping from the corner of his mouth, obviously caused by these men, most of them being persons he had never seen before, but who couldn’t have been anyone else but members of their rival mafia.

 The one holding onto the knife on his friend’s throat was a bit too familiar for him though.

 “Hyukjae! It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” Of course it had to be the man which he deeply despised. He hated that voice, that face –  _everything_  about him.

 He gritted his teeth while seeing the desperate look on Hangeng’s eyes. The man was an excellent fighter, but it was no use when there were five armed guys against two who didn’t have guns at the moment. And they had probably taken Hangeng’s gun away from him a while ago already. His own was unfortunately in the locker so it didn’t help him at all. He only had a little knife hidden under his pants on against his shin.

 “It seems like you’ve missed me”, G-Dragon said with a vicious smirk, moving his fingertips against Hangeng’s neck, provoking him.

 “I’m already missing your  _absence_ , if something”, Hyukjae scoffed with a bored voice, trying to find a way to help them out of this shit, even though it looked like it was useless. He was almost touching his phone inside his pants’ pocket, but of course the dickhead noticed it.

 “If I were you I wouldn’t do that”, he smirked. “My friends had already taken your friends in custody here.”

 “What the hell do you want?” Hyukjae snarled, frustrated.

 “Hmm”, he hummed, thoughtful. “I want many things, but as a matter of fact I’d like to play a game right now. Actually I’ve already made the first move. It’s your turn now, although you’re lacking of options here.”

 “So what’s the point?”

 “How much do you value life, Hyukjae?”

 The black haired felt cold shivers run through his back. He had heard that sentence before and it brought back memories he didn’t like to me remembering right now.

 “To think about it, whose life matters to you the most?” G-Dragon asked, bright red hair messily sticking out towards every direction. He had always been extravagant, with his style, hair and behavior. And it was so annoying Hyukjae wanted to throw up.

 “Would you sacrifice your own health for other’s sake once again? Or have you changed?” GD continued. “Even though I doubt that since you met  _that_  kid. Isn’t it kind of corny that you fell in love with your best friend’s little brother? A dead best friend.  _Oh!_  Or was Donghwa your lover too? Do you have some weird fetishes with those brothers, huh?”

 Hyukjae knew G-Dragon was trying to fire him up; he wanted him to lose control so he would do things without a thought. He just… _had to_  stay calm. But it wasn’t as easy as it sounded to be.

 “They had to be crazy to love you like that. But you left him for good didn’t you? To save his cute little butt from monsters like me? Would you still be able to get killed if this guy was actually your Donghae, huh?”

 “I would do that for anyone of us!” he shouted suddenly, somehow feeling weak even though his gist didn’t give that out. Yes, he was ready to do sacrifices for bigger good, as he had always done. He hadn’t realized it, but he valued everyone else’s life so much more than his own.

 “Would you?” the red haired snickered, somehow looking pleased. “Well then, show me. Show your friends what a fucking cheap piece of shit you are”, his eyes hardened a little, it was a whole new expression from this guy.

“Show me how low you’re ready to go for.”

 He didn’t have a way to fought against these guys without any weapon… But should he give himself for them so easily? There was four guys plus GD, who had his hands sealed on Hangeng.

 “Don’t do that, Hyukjae, it’s not worth it”, his Chinese friend said weakly. It was evident that those guys had beaten him up pretty precisely, but it just didn’t show up from under his clothes. But he had few pretty painful looking bruises around his face to prove that.

 Hyukjae’s eyes flickered hastily, his head trying to take anything for a hint to have a chance to even try to fights against these, although it might cause some bigger damages for him.

 When those four men approached him, he grabbed the metal chair nearby, and swung it towards the guys, hitting one of those faces quite hardly.

 “That’s pretty useless, but if you want to joke around, please be my guest…” G-Dragon said with a bored exhale, knowing that Hyukjae was going to lose eventually. He was a good fighter with guns, but a battle against four would definitely be too much.

 After countless minutes they finally had the struggling Hyukjae on their tight grip, and they were on their way towards the one floor lower. They walked them to the bigger hall, where Hyukjae saw their other friends being, all bound with rope and tape over their mouths. Siwon, Kibum, Minho, Taecyeon… And six people more watching over them.

 They threw Hangeng beside those four, but Hyukjae was thrown about seven meters ahead of them; coldly against the concrete floor, his lip already bleeding lightly.

 G-Dragon stepped forward from his comrades, taking a metal pipe from one of the guy’s with no particular expression. All of them looked just like trained killing machines or something alike.

 “Now, let’s see what happens to weak people.”

 Hyukjae swallowed and bit his lip, closing his eyes while he waited for the blow to happen. But a noise cut his thoughts and he opened his eyes again. He had heard the door opening, and when he heard a way too familiar voice his eyes widened in pure shock. It couldn’t possibly be!

 “What are you doing here, Cho?” G-Dragon asked, raising his eyebrow suspiciously.

 “I told Hero I wanted to participate to these funny games. So can I?” the brunette flashed a smirk, tucking his hands inside his pockets and looking down at the red head. GD was irritated, but he knew he shouldn’t mess with Hero’s cousin. That would cost a bit too much for him.

 “You can have the honor to start. They look actually surprised, they really didn’t know about you being a mole? You have to be hell of a good actor then…”

 “Of course I am”, he scoffed. “Those morons didn’t even once doubt my intentions.”

 The red head handed him the pipe, and Kyuhyun took it on his hand. He swallowed, not ready to do things like this, but if he wanted to keep his façade he had to.

 Hyukjae was devastated. He could have never believed that Kyuhyun could be a traitor. They haven’t never really been very close but he had thought they were friends either way. He didn’t even want to think about any other lies that could be possible after this…

 When the first hit came, he screamed in pain when the pipe pierced his middle body, and for the first time in years he wanted to give up again.

 

*

 

**_Two hours earlier_ **

The phone on his hand felt like a freezing piece of ice while tried to make a decision that had a lot bigger meaning than he liked it to have.

 He was sitting inside his car, his fist clenching around the steering wheel even though the car didn’t even move. On his right hand he was holding the phone, and one single phone call might change things in a bigger scale. He was in the crossfire; not knowing what he wanted or needed to do, and at that moment he hoped he would have figured out already which side he did belong.

 Kyuhyun was born to be in Xiezhi’s row, but the years he had spent being a mole in Shiwang, acting like he was a loyal member of them, had started to mess up with his mind. He had spent most of his time with Yunho’s people, making them believe he was part of them and would be till the end, and along the way he had made great friends out of them  _—_  even though no one really knew who he really was.

 The feeling of being a betrayer was suffocating him; he didn’t want to be weak and swap sides at this point, but it just didn’t feel  _right_. His heart kept saying otherwise. He didn’t want to betray Shiwang, although by not doing that he would be betraying his family-by-blood.

 The red numbers on the dashboard showed it was already 8:21PM. It had been two hours since he spoke with Jaejoong, and now he knew about things he didn’t really want to. He didn’t want to make the decision; he didn’t want to be the one who was able to change the conduct of the game, but his cousin’s words had been circling inside his head, making him feel like he was being strangled or drowned because of the pain of just  _knowing_.

 The man wanted to remain calm and he wanted to be in control of his decisions and feelings, but know his heart was going against him. His heart had already been fighting with his morals and beliefs for so long, and he felt like he was losing. His mind was losing, and he wanted to be in control again. But then, he needed to make a decision.

 Two hours had passed, and if he would decide to call, he should do it  _soon_. Xiezhi was going to act fast, and he was afraid he might be already late.

 “Fuck this”, he hissed by himself, staring at his phone’s screen like it would break by his intense stare. He swallowed his saliva nervously and started to look up for a right person to call to. His hands were shaking and he could feel cold sweat on his forehead. He was still contemplating, his fingers tapping the screen trying to choose.

 “Just fuck it. I’m going to regret for the rest of my life if it’s my fault someone dies tonight.”

 He dialed the one person he was most close with, starting his car while waiting, and deciding that he should leave towards Busan beforehand because he was just two hours away from there. Suddenly the call was picked, and he was almost startled when he heard Sungmin’s voice on the other end of the line.

 Kyuhyun inhaled hastily.

  _“Kyu? What’s up?”_  Sungmin sounded normal; neutral and almost coaxing with his tender voice, but it didn’t help as much as the younger man wanted it to.

 “I think we have a situation”, he blurted out, anxious while looking at the road signs even though he had driven that way many times already.

 He could almost see it before his eyes how Sungmin frowned and a worried expression was drawn on his face in no time.

_“What do you mean? Where are you? Didn’t you have a meet—“_

 “I’m on my way to Busan”, he said, almost sounding out of breath. Inside he was panicking, even if the tried so hard to remain calm. “We don’t have time to blabber, so I’ll just say it.”

  _“Say then”_ , Sungmin answered, his tone tougher, sensing that something was really off with Kyuhyun. The younger swallowed again, his throat feeling dry.

 “The people in Busan are in danger”, he exhaled it out – his voice almost trembling; “Jaejoong is going to or has already attacked Hyukjae and—“

_“Wait, what? Who’s Jaejoong?”_

 “I-I meant Hero. You should…I think you should gather everyone you are able to and—“

  _“What the hell? How do you know about this?”_  Sungmin cut him off.

  “We don’t have time Min! I just… You need to  _trust_  me! I’ll explain everything later! People are going to get hurt. Take everyone you can. I don’t know the exact details but it’s starting now! Hero is starting the battle between Xiezhi and us!” he was starting to sound desperate. “They are attacking Hyukjae and his team in Busan, and G-Dragon will do everything to get them down, especially Hyukjae!”

  _“Why haven’t Yunho informed us then?!”_

 “He doesn’t know and he’s out at Shanghai! Hyukjae and his team are at their own secret headquarters but someone has discovered it!”

  _“Fuck, this is bad”,_  Sungmin said quietly, his voice wary.  _“I’ll take everyone who is able to leave—although this all information makes me suspicious, Kyuhyun.”_

 He knew it – he could already sense how Sungmin was thinking about this all and he knew he’d been uncovered now. His heart and whole body was aching in regret – in the regret that he didn’t leave Xiezhi sooner.

  _“You’re actually a spy, aren’t you? Or something like that”_ , the elder’s voice sent cold shivers through Kyuhyun’s spine.

 “I know people aren’t going to forgive me…but I can’t let anyone die because I was being a coward and didn’t try to help”, he said without strength, feeling useless and so  _wrong_.

 Sungmin was weighing up his opinions. Could he trust his so-called friend and comrade or not?

  _“How many?”_

 “W-what do you—“

_“Against how many we are going to fight this time? This is just a start right? He’s trying to make us weaker one by one – they know we’re a family and he’s trying to_ break  _it to_ destroy _Yunho, right? His strategy is to torture us?”_

 Kyuhyun bit his lips furiously, not being able to hold onto his tears. He felt desperate.

 “Y-yes”, he was almost sobbing. “This time, there are ten of them. They’re t-trying to weaken us… I-I’m so sorry I didn’t do anything earlier, I was in the crossroads, I didn’t know what to—“

_“Kyuhyun”_ , Sungmin said surprisingly calmly.  _“I’ll be there. We’re a family – so no-one is left behind. I’ll contact you when we are closer, but you have to promise one thing.”_

 “W-what is it…?”

_“Go there and act like you’ve always acted. Don’t expose your real side there yet. Let Hyukjae and other’s think you’re really a spy, and let Xiezhi be in the though you’re still part of them.”_

 

 


	24. Help is on the way

The blood was dripping down on his face, along his sharp jawline and ending up to his chin where the red line was continuously cut off when the drops fell inconsolably onto the concrete flooring.

 He was trying to catch a breath. His upper body was bended over while he sat on his knees; not really understanding how he still managed to hold onto the consciousness that was frequently taken over by the coercive blackness, caused by the dozens of strokes that were mercilessly done with the metal pipe, fists and feet. Hyukjae was so near of blacking out, but he just forced him to stay there, not wanting to give their enemy the pleasure of seeing him losing. Most of the people would have fallen unconscious several minutes ago, but he had already experienced it and it was easier now to trying to cope with it.

 The dizziness and the nausea were overwhelming, together with the aching and the enormous pain that had started to change into numbness for his fortunate, but he didn’t want to give up just yet. Not even when his upper back stung in unbearable pain, his head was bleeding from several places and his limbs were trembling and aching in exhaustion. And it was just a small part of the torment he had gotten.

 Breathing heavily and now leaning his temple against the cold concrete, he tried to force himself to gather up some strength so he could try to get up again. He was hurting in a way he had never before, but gritting his teeth together he pushed himself some centimeters up from the floor with his other, still unbroken arm. When his face was about twenty centimeters from the inviting coldness, he parted his lips and spit out a good amount of blood and saliva, panting and raising his dark glare towards his perpetrators. 

 “I’m surprised that you’re still breathing and alive”, G-Dragon noted, squatting down next to him and pushing his forefinger against the painful looking wound on the man’s face. It caused Hyukjae to bit his lips together so he wouldn’t growl in pain and give pleasure to his torturer. He wasn’t even sure who had been the main one to beat him, but he was sure that the red head had been completely enjoying that sight. He spitted some blood and maybe some pieces of crunched teeth out of his mouth before answering.

 “Someone like you…is not going to destroy me…this easily.” His words were mere whispers because he was really lacking of energy, and it was so exhausting trying to keep his upper body up for that long. He didn’t want to admit that he most likely wasn’t going to get up without help anymore.

 “Oh really?” the enemy snickered, “Are you sure? Because in my eyes you look pretty dead already.” The man said, stood up and swung his foot against Hyukjae’s arm.

 Hyukjae lost his balance since it was the only thing really keeping him up anymore. He fell on his side, hissing in pain when his already bruised jaw and cheek met the ground. Now, he was lying on the floor again, his eyes getting blurrier and all the pain bursting back because of the sudden moves. The darkness tried to get a hold of him again, and he blinked his eyes furiously, trying to keep up with the reality.

 But when someone stepped on his wounded and bloodied back, the pain was really too much to take anymore.

 He was able to hear the sudden, slurred noises, some familiar voices and screams when the blackness finally took over.

 

*  
 

The factory’s huge double doors were opened and G-Dragon’s gang’s eyes immediately shot up that way, and his men took a hesitating step forwards, planning to protect themselves.

 “I would recommend you to back up right now if you prefer to stay alive”, a low, demanding voice said threateningly, stepping forward while holding his gun.

 Suddenly also Kyuhyun took his gun from his belt and aimed it straight against their enemy’s lead’s head.  
 The red head looked a bit surprised, but soon the familiar, malicious smirk was plastered on his face again.

 “Well, this was unexpected”, G-Dragon stated, but clenched his fists nervously. “First, you betrayed them and now you’re betraying us, huh?” GD was probably waiting for the other gang to react, but no one moved a muscle. “Did you even realize Kyuhyun was our mole?”

 “We are aware of that”, the same voice, that had said the first words when they arrived, said. Kangin’s tough face didn’t show a hint of fear while looking straight into G-Dragon’s eyes.

 “You’re betraying your own cousin then? Are you aware that Hero will definitely retaliate against you?” the red head muttered, his eyes looking Kyuhyun who seemed to be quite calm. His hand didn’t tremble when he was aiming at his previous comrade with his Colt.

 “I don’t belong to his family anymore”, Kyuhyun hissed. “And I don’t care if he wants to kill me, he’s going to lose anyway”, he continued, while his eyes were saying he was being serious.

 Kangin – being the oldest and the most experienced of them – was on the lead, Yesung and Heechul following right after him. At first, the enemy didn’t notice that one of them, Ryeowook, was heading towards their roped up comrades, planning to free them from their agony. Siwon was the first one freed, when one of GD’s members appeared to terrorize them. While Siwon had been beaten up, he was only able to help Ryeowook a little with the intruder – but for their luck Ryeowook was being a vicious fighter, while the others were occupied with the rest of GD’s gang and the main douchebag himself.

 But one member had his eyes only at one factor. It was like he was doped since he saw the pool of blood staining the gray concrete flooring, after seeing the badly wounded body lying there lifelessly.

 The brunette exhaled warily, his brown eyes hammered to the sight, even though he was all the time aiming his gun at the same way as the others. He swallowed inaudibly and feeling like his throat was suddenly filled with sand.

 Was he even alive anymore...?

 “Donghae”, Sungmin tried, noticing that his friend’s attention was at the opposite direction than were it should have been. “Donghae, listen to me!” he hissed.

 “You have to wait. We’re going to help Hyukjae, but G-Dragon is our biggest menace right now. We can’t give him the chance to get the upper hand now”, Sungmin tried to reason, hoping, really hoping that it would be enough for a while. He knew the last few hours had been seriously hard for the youngest to bear with after hearing that Hyukjae’s team was in danger. The brunette had been really hard-headed to get to understand they needed to act together, not as individuals. They had all driven their cars far over the speed limits on their way there, but Donghae had definitely been the worst one, having tried to get ahead of them until Kangin had shoved him back to his place again.

 Donghae looked at him like the deer in the headlights, his every muscle trembling while he waited impatiently.

 “It’s thirteen of us when Hyukjae’s team is freed, although some of them are a little bit injured but they seem fine enough to fight. GD has ten people with him, so it’s not going to be child’s play”, Sungmin said again, getting Donghae’s attention somehow back when there was some kind of useless talking going on.

 Fortunately Sungmin had explained Kyuhyun’s situation to the others, and although they had been a bit suspicious, they had somehow believed him when he had said that Kyuhyun was going to help them to get out of this shit. They were on the right way but there was still a lot to do before they could sigh in relief again.

 At the moment, it was dead silent when Kangin and G-Dragon were just glaring at each other, and the robust one was just waiting the other’s patience to crack. He knew GD had the worst patience, and once again, he was right when the red head suddenly threw his hand towards Kyuhyun’s aiming hand and succeed to double back his arm away from him.

 It was all just about mere seconds when the enemy’s men followed his leader’s acts and attacked towards them, most of them not having their guns on their hands, but it didn’t really matter when those men were probably hard opponent even without their guns.

 Kangin’s loaded gun was fired when one of the men ran towards him, the bullet hitting his shoulder. The man hardly even flinched, and kept coming towards him. They weren’t people who just wanted to kill every opponent; it was more about battling over dominance – which mafia was the stronger one.

 They all got someone to fight with, also Donghae, who was beyond furious and everything he could even think of was to get over this as soon as possible so he could at least help Hyukjae and get him treated. While he was hitting and kicking the other, older man, his thoughts were wandering around and it was surprising that he could almost focus better when he was thinking about the blon—no, the now-a-days black haired man – as he had noticed while glancing at his way when he wanted to make sure he still seemed to be alive despite fact he was in really, really miserable state.

 Kyuhyun was the one trying to win over G-Dragon, maybe it was something he felt he needed to do, when it was revealed that he had been a mole for Xiezhi. They were battling to get a better hold of the one gun Kyuhyun was holding, and the red head almost got it for multiple times, until it flew onto the ground and slid further away from them. The younger man had gotten his chance, and he aimed his fist straight towards the other’s face, but the opponent was faster and didn’t get the hit. But he ran towards the gun, picked it up and started to run even faster, heading towards the doors and the outside.

 Kyuhyun was very serious about hunting down the man, and he ran as fast as he could. He didn’t count how long they ran, but he was suddenly close enough to take a grip of the man’s jacket. Just a second later he was pulling them down while they fell. He immediately looked out for the gun and he got it, but the sly bastard was already stumbling on his feet and running away again. He aimed the gun from the ground, fired, and saw how it hit GD’s arm. Kyuhyun cursed loudly, panting heavily while the man had just gotten away from his hands. And he knew they would meet soon again.

_  What a fucking coward you are... _

 He was pissed off, but he decided to return inside where the others most likely needed some help.

  
*  
 

 The brunette didn’t really pay attention to the happenings around him, he was too occupied to beat the shit out of this man who even tried to provoke him when he talked about how beating Hyukjae up had been pretty fun. Donghae was hitting him even harder, although his muscles were already hurting and the hits he had gotten onto his face were hurting. But he knew Hyukjae was hurting more, and it was the only thing that mattered.

 It was probably the first time he really wanted to kill someone – kill someone to release the anger he had been building up inside him, the frustration and the hatred towards the mafia that had broken so many things apart already.

 He didn’t hear the yells or growls around them, but he noticed how the man took a note of something and suddenly almost all of them backed off, leaving the Shiwang’s people hanging there surprised by their sudden withdrawal.

 “What the fuck?” he heard Heechul’s high-pitched question, and he stood there, confused for a short while, just staring towards the doors. Kyuhyun was also coming back, but from the different direction and he was scowling while wiping of the blood running down from his nose.

 “That fucking bastard just receded with a bullet in his arm!” he snarled angrily. The members started to look around, many of them wounded with slight cuts and bruises, two of the enemy’s people lying on the floor unconscious. But most of them were fine; just bloody noses and aching muscles, although Siwon and Hangeng had some stab wounds from earlier, when they had protested when GD’s people had gotten them.

 “Are everyone alri—“, Sungmin’s voice echoed through the hall until it faded off before it was even properly ended. His eyes stopped worriedly upon the youngest, who had just cautiously kneeled down beside Hyukjae’s unconscious body. Sungmin swallowed the bloody saliva down his throat, somehow feeling much, much worse than just a moment ago.

 “Kangin, call Leeteuk and tell him to prepare for this…”

 The one just nodded, and pulled the cellphone out of his pocket, dialing a familiar number.

 Donghae’s body was now trembling if it hadn’t before. He gritted his teeth almost painfully together, and his breath hitched when he tenderly placed his quivering hand on top of Hyukjae’s black hair. He felt cold, but he knew he was still alive judging from the slow raises of his back, while the older was laying against the ground his face facing the floor.

 He didn’t notice the plump tears escaping from his eyes and running down along his cheek, when he was contemplating with concentration the right way to move Hyukjae so they could get him away from there.

 Donghae wasn’t even sure how he was feeling, he was so messed up after all the action and after waiting for months if he could ever see this man again. And now he was in this state, and he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to know why. Somehow he could just assume that Hyukjae had – again – done this to protect someone else, and this time, probably his five teammates.

 The brunette was staring at the blood stained back and then moving away the black strands away with his fingers to observe the bruises and cuts on his face. He could see the jawline that was sharper than it was nine months ago, his body overall being a bit more muscular, but he was still sure the man haven’t been eating very well.

 When he was looking at him, his own fingers already covered in his blood, he was afraid to do anything if he would cause him even more pain. He felt useless, not knowing what to do when all he wanted to do was to do anything for him to get better. Donghae definitely wasn’t thinking objectively at the moment and it angered him.

 At last, someone decided to come to help and Donghae recognized it to be Ryeowook, and he knew that he could most likely say what to do when he couldn’t really do anything by himself only.

 “It seems worse than it probably is because of the amount of blood”, the slightly smaller framed man said soothingly, but worry evident on his expression too. “But we need to be careful. He might have gotten some hard blows to his head and his back”, Ryeowook continued, while Donghae was stroking Hyukjae’s cold cheeks. “Guys, go get some stretchers! It’s not wise to lift him up without any proper support for his back…”

 “Coming right away”, it was Kibum, a man Donghae hadn’t seen or heard talking before.

 But Donghae couldn’t concentrate on anything else but Hyukjae. He was sobbing, although he didn’t let any noises out except from the continuous sniffling.

 It felt like it all was his fault; that he could have prevented it from happening, but who he was to say so? What could have he done otherwise?

 Maybe, he could have tried to stop loving him, but it was something he was sure about he could never stop doing. After nine months of not seeing Hyukjae, not hearing his voice, without him annoying Donghae… After nine months it felt like his feelings had only stronger. He didn’t know how, but he knew he would try to protest if someone would force them apart again.

 “I’m not leaving you…” he said whispering, so silently that no one could really hear him. He bended down to peck the black, bloodied mop of hair gently.  _Even if everything else falls apart, I’ll never stop loving you…_

 


	25. We owe this to ourselves

Donghae was growing impatient; it had been damn long already since the day they arrived to Busan, and after the fight between the two gangs Hyukjae was still remaining unconscious. He knew that those bastards had beaten him up badly and he needed to rest, but it was making him insane.

Leeteuk’s words weren’t helpful at all; “Because of the physical and mental trauma it might take an unpredictable amount of time for Hyukjae to wake up.”

It all just made Donghae even more furious with each passing day. It had been eight days, and the younger leader had only managed to flutter his eyes a bit – however not enough to be awake.

The raindrops had drummed against the private hospital’s wide windows four days straight since the late Friday night, and it didn’t seem to get to its end soon either. They grayness of it all was making the hospital room to look even more unpleasing than it already was, and it also made Hyukjae to look paler and sicker than he really was. Although the dark bruises were still evident all over his body, he was anyway quite stable. His face had gotten some stitches, and few bones had been broken and there had been some slight internal bleeding too, but Leeteuk and the few other doctors had been fast enough to get him under the knife and soon they had gotten him in to a stable state.

But it wasn’t relieving at all to the brunette. He was really growing restless because he wasn’t sure about the future at all anymore.

There hadn’t yet been an actual end to it all, he just knew that Xiezhi wouldn’t be pleased enough with this outcome, and G-Dragon with his men had retreated from the factory so suddenly and unexpectedly. Nothing just made any sense to him anymore. Why Hero wanted to keep doing this? Why was beating up Shiwang so important to that bastard?

Donghae sighed exasperatedly. He had been sitting and pacing around the room since the day Hyukjae had been brought there, and he just didn’t know what to do. Sometimes he sat on the chair next to the bed and listened the constant, quiet beeping while holding Hyukjae’s slightly cold hand. When it was one of his bad days he marched back and forth inside the room, thinking – thinking about everything. He wasn’t even sure if Hyukjae had any feelings towards him anymore. He didn’t know when the other would wake up; would it take weeks, even months? Would he remember him anymore?

And not for the least; when would this all finally end?

How long they needed to be on their toes and always wait for the worst, as in Xiezhi’s next attack. How many people would get hurt, how many people might die?

Was it all even worth for the fight? Was it ever going to end anyway?

Donghae knew that he could not leave his friends; his new family. He wanted to be with them till the end, but he also wanted to protect everyone. He didn’t like to see his close friends getting hurt over and over.

But what would be enough for Hero to end this unnecessary war? What the hell did that man even want for them, or was he just plainly after the blood shredding for his own pleasure?

What the hell am I supposed to do?

 

*

 

He couldn’t see anything but the occasional darkness between the dreams that kept haunting him since the beginning. Sometimes, he heard distant voices, just some tiny bits of sounds he could recognize; voices that belonged to people he knew. He was capable of realizing that he wasn’t awake, or even conscious. He didn’t know about the time, he had no idea how long it had been – but he could still feel some aching that usually soon faded off with a dizzy feeling that made him feel sleepy and fall back into the dreams he had been dreaming of for a while now.

The smell of disinfectant told him that he was in a hospital, and he had a hunch why. He got these more vivid flashbacks with the not-so-clear ones, which reminded him about the time before he had left Incheon.

The dreams were actually just memories; memories he didn’t want to forgot but at the same time he usually did want to. Those memories, that were somehow beautiful, but also painful, and made his heart ache even more that it already did.

For a while he was able to hear some muffled voices again, before he drifted off from the sub-consciousness into a deep slumber…

 

*

 

It had been already past midnight when Hyukjae had returned from the task, which was supposed to be his last in Incheon.

The conversation between him and Yunho had been way too clear inside his head for the whole day, and as much as he had wanted to rise against his leader’s orders, he knew that Yunho had been right. He had to leave if he wanted to protect Donghae. When Xiezhi wouldn’t have been able to see them together, it wouldn’t have been so easy to try to break them either.

But it had been so damn painful to think that he needed to leave soon and leave all this behind; those feelings, touches, something that had made him feel more alive. Just when things had started to fall into place, they needed to be broken into pieces once again. And it felt so fucking wrong.

Hyukjae had opened the familiar door, slowly, to not to wake up the one who most likely had had been already fast asleep.

When he had looked at that peaceful and beautiful face, stroked the soft cheek and leaned down to lightly kiss him, he had already known he wouldn’t have been able to forget him. He had been already in too deep; he was hopelessly in love, something he hadn’t really experienced before.

It was different from the feelings he had had towards Donghwa – it had been just true friendship, he had been sure of it now. These feelings he had inside him now were much heavier, more painful, aching, but also so much more beautiful.

He hadn’t been able feel enough of it though; it was all too soon, but he knew he hadn’t had an option either…

When the person under his touch had shifted in his sleep, and had slowly opened his eyes, a little, sad smile had risen onto his lips. The young male with strawberry blonde strands had snuffled in his sleep, and Hyukjae had just wanted to fall beside him and press his face against the other’s neck.

He hadn’t wanted it to end like this, when he had been finally sure about what he really felt.

“Hyukjae…” Donghae had muttered quietly, and Hyukjae had decided that he could stay just a bit longer; just a bit longer to say something he wanted the other to know, let him fall asleep again and then he would…be able to leave.

Donghae had been half-asleep, not really awake, but not entirely asleep either. The sight had been so adorable and cute that the older had pressed his lips against the boy’s cheeks over and over again, until the smaller one had finally groaned and turned around to end up face-to-face with Hyukjae. But even then, he hadn’t had his eyes open. He was breathing slowly, so calmly that it was hard to believe that anything could have been wrong back then.

“Yeah?” he had finally answered, and hoped that his voice hadn’t shown anything suspicious. But for the next few words, his stomach had already been doing cartwheel somersaults and forgotten everything else for a little moment.

“I missed you”, Donghae had huffed slowly, his voice a bit raspy and telling that he had really been asleep already.

Those simple words had just made Hyukjae’s life a little bit brighter. Even though he didn’t want to, he knew this moment would end soon, and after that everything would change essentially.

“I missed you too”, he had said then, bit warily and not trusting his tongue at all. He had seen the sleepy smile plastered immediately on Donghae’s face, and his heart was beating so fast he had known he couldn’t wait any longer. He just had had to get it off his chest, before he would be able to leave.

“Donghae.”

“Mm”, the younger had hummed peacefully, perfectly oblivious to the changes that had been about to happen.

“I love you.”

 

*

 

The clock was ticking towards one in the morning, and by then it had been ten long days. He was sitting beside the bed, his left leg over the other while leaning his elbow against his thigh. The days seemed to pass by in slow-motion, until the night came and then it felt like everything went way too fast.

The lights he was able to see over the city of Busan didn’t made him feel like home at all, and not at least when Hyukjae wasn’t really there with him. Yes, he physically was, but on the other ways, he wasn’t. It gave him the feeling he was losing the older again and again, and made his heart and head ache so painfully he sometimes just wanted all of that pain to end.

His mind had been filled with thoughts; he tried to find a way just to do something. He had been contemplating, if there would be a safe way to help them, but he hadn’t come to any conclusions.

It was so frustrating to just sit there; sit there and worry, be afraid of all the consequences that might happen.

He was so sick and tired of it.

Donghae’s fingers tapped the plastic armrest of the chair, his forehead feeling sweaty because of all the thinking and stressing out that it almost made him cry. But he didn’t want to cry, he had been crying enough in the past, and today he just wanted to find some peace in all the chaos.

His brown eyes glanced at the patient lying on the bed, and he couldn’t stand to look at him anymore. He didn’t want to see Hyukjae so broken, because it broke him.

He had been thinking, and after the days full of grieve and anguish, he took a sharp inhale and stood up. His heart was beating fast and furiously, because he couldn’t find any other way out of this. The now a days brunette man leaned against the bed, and looked at Hyukjae. It was so fucking sickening.

Donghae trailed his fingertips against the slightly warm skin, brushing the cheek and just looking at Hyukjae. It had been so long, and he hadn’t even had the chance to see him smiling, or even conscious. It didn’t take long until he felt hot tears watering his eyes.

Nine months ago, Hyukjae had left him.

He had left him after Donghae had fallen asleep, soon after hearing three meaningful words from him. He hadn’t expected anything like that to happen, but it had all happened anyway. And he had been thinking, so many times, that what would have happened if he hadn’t fallen asleep that damned night. What if he had stayed wide awake with Hyukjae until the latter would have been the one to fall asleep? What if he would have kissed the older senseless, and making it impossible for the other to leave? What if he would have teased, mocked, provoked him; anything, to prevent him from leaving?

If Hyukjae would have stayed, would they still be alive?

Donghae heard those words everyday inside his head, repeating over again, and it had often made him cry – but only when he had been alone.

Those words that meant him the whole world still till this day. Those words that made his heart fluttering like there was no tomorrow.

Those little, three words that made him stronger.

Words that he only wanted to hear from those certain lips ever again.

Words that meant so much more than they sounded like.

And there, beside Hyukjae he felt so fragile again. He needed Hyukjae to be strong again, but he knew he needed to be strong without him for a while. He had the feeling he was doing the same thing that Hyukjae had made for him, but he at least wanted to try.

It felt wrong, but there was no right way either.

Donghae leaned lower to leave a soft kiss on Hyukjae’s plump lips while stroking his sable black silky hair. He knew the tears were straining his own cheeks, and probably also the elder’s. He didn’t care; he couldn’t keep them inside right now anyway.

For some minutes, he kept stroking those strands and pecking those sweet lips that had missed like no other.

But when the river of his tears did only seem to increase, he pressed his lips on Hyukjae’s forehead and inhaled his intoxicating, manly scent he could recognize anywhere.

Those three words kept repeating inside his head, just like he had said them back to Hyukjae nine months ago.

“I love you, Hyukjae.”

He wiped his own tears off from the latter’s cheeks, then his own, and straightened his spine.

The black leather and slim, black jeans reminded him off Hyukjae’s style from the time they got to know each other. He took his phone off of the pocket, and placed it on the side table. He didn’t need it with him, but the others might do later.

I’m sorry.

Donghae wiped the last remains of his tears and turned away towards the door, but at the same moment someone else stepped in. It was Heechul, the usual nightly visitor who tried to keep his tough façade but always failed in the end.

“Going somewhere?” Heechul asked, raising an eyebrow upon the younger one.

Donghae swallowed, definitely nervous, but he tried so hard to stay calm.

“I need some fresh air.”

“Ok, I’ll be with him then for a while.”

“Yeah”, Donghae muttered, and walked to the door, and grabbed the doorjamb when the other man opened his mouth again.

“Be careful.”

And Donghae knew Heechul knew.

He left the room with heavy heart, which was palpating restlessly inside his chest. The hospital wards soon ended and he felt the fresh September night air filling his lungs again.

There, walking across the parking lot, he realized it had already been a full year since he became a member of Shiwang. It had been the easiest decision to join, because he hadn’t had anything else either, but the last half of the year had also been one of the hardest since Donghwa’s death.

He didn’t even know, if it was going to get better soon, or ever.

With the electronic key he opened his black car’s door, sat down on the driver’s seat and chuckled sadly. His beloved Audi he had left in Incheon, since although it was ‘just’ a car, it was still a car he didn’t want to damage in anyways. So he had decided to take the other one, which was almost as good as the first, but it didn’t have any memories. It was just a car he would totally sacrifice if he had to.

And when he steered the car towards the road, he knew there was no backing off anymore.

Donghae wasn’t even sure what was the feeling inside him; he was sad, but at the same time he also felt empty. Like had been suffering for so long that there just wasn’t anything to feel anymore. And somehow, he was glad of it. It was like he was finally so deep he couldn’t go any lower, and the only way left was upwards – or the absolute emptiness.

*

It had been just about an hour after Heechul had sat down on windowsill in Hyukjae’s hospital room. The room was dark, and the only light that was lightening it were the city lights saturating the room in cold and yellowish hues.

Heechul wasn’t exactly, hundred percent sure what was happening with Donghae, but he had a hunch.

He knew pretty well the feeling of restlessness and helplessness, when there was nothing you could really do but you wish you could have.

He didn’t know how long he had been deep inside his thoughts when he heard a silent whimper coming from Hyukjae’s way. He turned to look at his friend, and he walked closer.

It didn’t take that long until Hyukjae slowly, but eventually, got his eyes halfway open.

And when he heard him calling a certain name, he felt a bang inside his chest and in that moment he wished that he hadn’t let Donghae go like that.


	26. No way out

“D…Donghae…W-where’s Donghae?”

Heechul looked at his friend in the darkness, when Hyukjae determinedly tried to get a hold of his consciousness again. He felt bad; it just felt like he had just betrayed his friend by letting the brunette go without further questioning. And now the quilt was eating him up, because he couldn’t be sure what the youngest had been up to.

“I heard his voice”, Hyukjae tried again, his voice still trying to break since his throat was dry as it would have been filled with sand. “He was here, I heard him. I can still smell his cologne—“

“Hyukjae, shush”, the older male hissed, getting even more frustrated. He didn’t want to lie, and he it would be low to even try lying to his leader. But he didn’t know what the right thing to do was either. Hyukjae was still unwell and not strong enough to get up just yet, but if he got to know that Donghae had just left the room, it would be such a hard thing to try stop him going after the brunet.

“Heechul, where is he?”

“You need to calm down, you still need to rest.”

The elder noticed the glare Hyukjae shot towards him.

“Tell me the goddamn truth, Heechul!”

“He left.”

“What do you mean he left…?” the black haired but still weak male asked, and his voice wasn’t so strong anymore. His whole body was aching, and he knew sedatives would have helped him in his state, but he didn’t want them. He wanted to be lucid enough to understand what was going on. He didn’t even know what day it was, or how long it had been since he blacked out. He couldn’t even remember clearly what had happened, but the biggest pain on his upper back was slowly reminding him about the happenings.

Heechul exhaled heavily. He was tired – as everyone was – but there was no time for any vacation, although all he wanted was just to not to think about anything for a while. He brushed his fingers through his mahogany hair strands and looked the bustling city on the other side of the window.

“You’ve been unconscious for ten days straight”, he started, and his voice was gathering some volume towards the next things. “It wasn’t long after G-Dragon’s attack when we arrived here, almost all of us, right in the middle of the chaos. You were already out of it when we got there. We tried to fight against GD’s gang, but they suddenly retreated. After that Leeteuk got you in here and since then Donghae was by your side day and night.” The man rolled a ring between his fingers that were hidden inside his jacket’s pockets. It was a gift from a friend from long time ago and every time he was stressed out he started to twiddle it. “But just when I came in here, about an hour ago, he left. He didn’t say where, and I just…”

Hyukjae swallowed only dryness inside his mouth.

“I just let him go like that.”

The regretful tone was enough to tell Hyukjae that there was something going on. He didn’t know what, but he was sure it wasn’t anything too good; in a situations like these people wanted to do something right – and the man could easily understand that familiar feeling.

But it was about Donghae.

Donghae was gone, and no one probably knew where he was and what he was about to do. And he was so damn freaked out because of it, even if he didn’t show it upon him.

The wounded leader tried to sit up, and he had to grit his teeth together to bear with the pain. For a moment he felt dizzy and also nauseous, and he had to really lean against the bed to keep himself upwards and not to fall back down on the mattress.

There were so many more important things to do than to lay idly on the hospital bed.

He felt cold sweat around his face and neck already, but he ignored all the symptoms that told everyone that he wasn’t yet in a healthy state. Impatiently he looked around the room, even when the turning of his head got him more light-headed. At first, he didn’t notice anything unordinary – until he saw the phone on the night table. A phone that definitely wasn’t his own.

“Is that phone yours?” Hyukjae asked, cautious and nervous at the same time. If it wasn’t his or Heechul’s, he could already guess the real owner already.

Donghae wasn’t stupid – not at all – and he had never been.

“What phone?” Heechul asked, but soon noticed the object too. It was just a simple, black Motorola phone that looked a lot like their older work phones back from the days before.

The younger of the two immediately grabbed it, and with unsteady fingers he opened the screen, eyes searching for any hints of Donghae. There weren’t many applications in it, but it didn’t take long for Hyukjae to find the GPS tracker that had been installed into it.

He couldn’t even prevent himself from chuckling when he thought about how smart the youngest could sometimes be. But he also felt the clench in his heart. Hyukjae missed that brat so bad it hurt.

Heechul was frowning questioningly while the other one was focused on the phone.

The man opened the Internet and found InstaMapper from its bookmarks.

And there it was; the red, moving dot on the yellow colored road to instantly tell him where to look for Donghae.

 

*

 

The black car was driven in the parking lot somewhere on the other side of the town. When the lights got turned off, the man sitting on the driver’s seat leaned against the backrest of his seat and took a deep breath while still holding onto the steering wheel.

He was exhausted, but he had no other option. He had to do something, even though he wasn’t sure what.

Donghae took another phone out of his pocket and tucked it in the glove compartment and turned his gaze to look out of the window after taking his Glock on his hand in substitution. On the other side of the street he saw the mansion like house, where he was soon going in. The black painted iron fencing was over two meters high, and he had prepared himself to climb over it.

He stood up from the black Nissan, and without looking around he jogged past the road to the gates, seeing the house in the middle of the yard. Donghae glanced over the fence, and not for the first time he cursed his height – only to frown in confusion when he tried the gate’s door and noticed that tit was unlocked. For the one last time, he looked around to check if there were any other people going around, but it was almost dead silent, so he decided to slip in through the gate.

Although it was their enemy’s obvious headquarters in Busan, he was surprised that he didn’t see any guards around. He could only see the warm lights on in one part of the house, and somehow he got the feeling that what if Hero had been actually waiting for some of their gang to show up at there.

He shook those thoughts away and silently walked towards the walls of the house after sneaking around the yard, hoping that he hadn’t been seen already. The brunette noticed the ladders one and half meter over the ground, took a good grip of the first step and started to climb upwards. The ladders ended up at the next floor’s balcony, and he jumped over the railing. He couldn’t hear or see anything, but still his heart was beating in nervousness. He hadn’t done anything like this before alone.

Donghae saw an open window just right next to the balcony, and he walked through it and stepped over the railing, then balancing his other foot on the windowsill before jumping finally in. He landed on the floor with a soft thud, glad that he was able to make it without any further noise.

The brunette didn’t have the time to look around, so he went straight to the door and soon found himself in the hallway. The second floor wasn’t illuminated with lights at all, so he assumed that everyone in the house were probably downstairs.

When he met another hallway again at the end of the stairs, he started to hear some voices coming from the room at the end of it. He held his gun close to his body, and sneaked to the door and stopped to listen for a while before entering from the door ajar.

He hadn’t really concentrated on the conversation inside, so when the two men in the room noticed that there was one person too much, they turned their heads towards him.

Donghae easily recognized Hero, but the other one he didn’t know, but he was probably his bodyguard or some follower sort of.

The youngest there straightened his spine and stared at the leader eyes stern and piercing. He was nervous, but not that scared as he thought he might have been. The silver blond man stood up from the chair, and the other one, dressed in pitch-black suit observed Donghae in alert. He had already taken his gun from his belt, and was ready to shoot at any moment.

“Relax, Xiah”, Hero told him calmly, “Put your gun away.”

“Yes sir”, the man mumbled and did as he was told do, and with a slight head gesture Hero got him out of the room. But the man called Xiah glared at Donghae murderously while he walked past him and exited the room.

After that, it was silent again, and both of them just stared at each other, until Hero most likely got enough. The elder huffed and walked to the bookshelf, taking two crystal glasses and poured some liquor for himself.

“Want a drink, Donghae?” Hero asked, his tone mocking the younger.

“No, I’m not here to drink with you”, Donghae hissed sternly, his body tensed, but gun being held next to his thigh.

Hero took his glass and walked back to his desk, but stayed on his feet while he took a sip of the liquor. There was still a smirk on his lips, and he didn’t seem like he felt threatened because of the twenty-year old.

“I was expecting for some of you to come straightly here. Yunho must have told everyone the address after I told him. It was like a clear invitation, you know. So here you are. Maybe I didn’t expect for you to be the one here, but actually it makes sense”, Hero explained bluntly. “This all flows in your veins after all.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Donghae snarled, he wasn’t interested to play games with this arsehole.

“What am I talking about?” the elder chuckled, “I’m talking about facts, Donghae.”

The brunette furrowed his eyebrows, not understanding what the hell the man was talking about. The brunette furrowed his eyebrows, not understanding what the hell the man was talking about. For Hero, it was just pure fun to play with the boy’s mind, and he was quite sure Donghae would eventually want the truth from him.

“Oh boy, you don’t know? Not that I am surprised, not many people are actually aware of everything. I know details; details about your family.”

Donghae was seriously taken aback from Hero’s words; how could that man know anything about his family? Maybe he had known Donghwa, but Donghae he didn’t know at all.

“Don’t bullshit with me, you know nothing about me”, he said, anger radiating from his words.

“But I do know; I know more about you than you know about yourself.”

The younger gritted his teeth in frustration. He had just wanted to end this all, not to get more mess up.

“I don’t care. I’m not here to listen to your stories”, he snarled, taking few steps closer to the desk that was between the two males. But he stopped on his tracks immediately when Hero opened his mouth again.

“You want to know why your parents actually died?” The silver blond male glanced at Donghae upon the glass he was drinking from.

Donghae froze. How in hell were his parents related to this? It had been over ten years since their death, and for the most of his life, he hadn’t really known them. Cold shivers ran through his spine and he eyed the other thoroughly. Why was he taking this subject up now?

“Do you want to know why your brother actually died, kid?”

He was really getting angry and frustrated; his head felt like it was going to explode in any minute.

“Shut up! You know nothing about me or my brother!” he yelled, almost panting. “Just shut up!” He brushed his hand over his face, wanting to just shut everything out of his head even for a while.

“But you do want to know, don’t you?”

“Shut the fuck up!” Donghae raged, raising his gun to aim towards the man that was pissing him off very badly right now. But he wasn’t the only one, now Hero had a gun between his fingers too.

“My father was the one who killed your parents”, Hero said, in a calm manner. He wasn’t afraid at all, because he knew Donghae would eventually want to hear the truth.

“W-what?” he swallowed his nil saliva, staring at the man. His gun holding hand was shaking, but so was his whole body.

“And I had a reason to kill your brother too. He was getting on the way after he got to know a bit too much…”

Donghae felt like the carpet was pulled from under his feet and he could fall down in any minute. He tried to tell himself that he didn’t want to know; he didn’t need to, it was history already. He didn’t need to think about his family, but inside his heart he knew he wanted to know. His eyes felt teary, but he swallowed again, trying to prevent the tears from falling. He shouldn’t show his weakness, he had to be strong to survive and be helpful for the others.

“I don’t want to know! I don’t care!” he tried, but his voice had died down already.

“Keep telling yourself that”, Hero huffed, almost annoyed, “If you want a chance to stay alive, and maybe hear the truth from me, you have to make a deal with me. Your other option is to die tonight.” Now Hero seemed to be much more serious, and his eyes were almost challenging Donghae. But the younger didn’t know what to do. Would he be able to die without knowing all the reasons behind this?

“What…what do I gain for the others if I let you kill me?” he asked, warily, head feeling a bit dizzy.

Hero smirked.

“I might let your friends be in peace or I might not. Can you trust me?”

“Then what do I have to do to get the truth from you?”

“Well, what is something you think you can beat me on?”

Donghae rolled his eyes; it was getting on his nerves when the elder just answered with questions. But for a while he thought about it, staring at his opponent pure hatred in his eyes. He, however, put his gun down again and took a sharp inhale.

“I want to race.”

 

*

 

Donghae was feeling really out of the reality when he leaned against the railing of his motel room’s balcony. Their gang had actually their own guest house, but he wanted to be alone. He didn’t want anyone to know about his whereabouts, at least for the night, so he had even left his car few blocks away.

He just wasn’t aware how far his friends would go for each other, so he was pretty flabbergasted when he went back in and was face to face with two of his friends. One of them being the one that got his heart miss a beat and then start beating even faster. Who would have guessed that he would be able to meet Hyukjae in these circumstances?

The black haired man was leaning against the wall, obviously exhausted since he really wasn’t yet in a state to walk around like that. So Donghae stared at him, forgetting the other male standing beside Hyukjae. His mouth went dry, but his eyes were watering.

How was Hyukjae even awake yet? He had hoped that he could be by the man’s side when he’d wake up, but he had just left like that in his frustrations…

Hyukjae was staring back at him, his black eyes showing him so many emotions he couldn’t really understand anything. And even though he looked horrible in a way that he had been beaten up so badly, he was also so damn handsome as ever.

“Donghae…” His raspy, still weak voice pierced through his thoughts, and he didn’t notice how few tears fell down on his cheek.

Donghae ignored Kyuhyun’s mutter to leave them alone for few minutes, although he didn’t know what to say for an answer for Hyukjae right in front of him. He had even forgotten the meeting with Hero just few hours before for the moment right here.

He felt so unreal he couldn’t stop his tears from falling; the months between their last meet had been so fucking hard even when he had always tried to stay strong and keep going. He forgot everything else and just cried his heart out; not caring about his age or Hyukjae’s presence, until he felt those muscled arms circling around his smaller body, holding him and silently telling him that he wasn’t alone anymore.

“I’m so sorry”, he heard Hyukjae’s mere whisper right beside his ear, and he clutched his hands tighter on the man’s leather jacket.

“No”, Donghae uttered, “I don’t want to hear that.” His own face was probably wet with his tears, but soon he knew he wasn’t the only one when Hyukjae cupped his cheeks and looked him in the eyes. Hyukjae’s eyes were teary too, those dark orbs really told him he was sorry for everything, but they also told him something else; something more important.

The fact that Hyukjae hadn’t forgotten him at all, and that those feelings they had uncovered almost ten months ago, were still there.

“I love you Donghae.”

And they knew that in those long, lonely and sleepless months their feelings had just grown stronger. It was enough for Donghae to cry even harder, but now with the feeling of relief.

“I-I love you too.”


	27. Legacy

Donghae knew there was still a lot to come on their way before they could actually sigh in relief, but he was still very grateful about the fact that he was able to finally come clear with his feelings about Hyukjae. It had been nine months and too many days and lonely nights since the last time he saw the leader, and now he didn’t feel so alone anymore.

Right here, with Hyukjae, he actually realized how much he had really suffered while the time apart from each other, and how he nevertheless really did feel towards him.

And he understood how much there was at stake right now; how many people were in danger and how much he feared for their lives.

One breath in the moment gave him a short feeling of sense of security, and while being in the other man’s arms he felt stronger. He didn’t care if someone would look down on them because they were both men – he simply didn’t care anymore.

This was the family he never really had before, and he was ready to go through everything it would take to protect the ones he cared the most.

He knew it was probably going to be the last peaceful moment in a while, so Donghae took a deep breath while they leaned against each other, enjoying the proximity that would soon to be taken away from them again.

They both knew that the hard times were just behind the corner.

With a heavy heart Hyukjae backed off a bit, now being able to look Donghae in the eyes again. He could see all the emotions swirling in the younger man’s chocolate brown eyes clearly, sensing the fear and uncertainty of the future while his fingers caressed the silky skin of his cheek, taking a note of the male’s matured appearance too.

Hyukjae was aware of the fact that he wasn’t enough in a good shape yet to do much, and that he would have to go back to the hospital eventually, but for now he just wanted to enjoy of the other’s presence for a little while longer. But when Donghae opened his mouth to talk, he knew he wouldn’t like what he was about to hear.

“Hyukjae… “

The said one only hummed lowly, now leaning his jaw against Donghae’s shoulder again. He was exhausted already for being up for so long, but he could bear with the pain a bit more.

He could also sense that Kyuhyun was listening to them carefully, although his back was facing them when the man pretended to stare out the window, standing there like soldier.

“I have to…race”, Donghae said, trying not to let the fear radiate from his voice, still knowing that he couldn’t hide it from anyone.

Hyukjae had his eyes closed. His head felt so heavy, and his whole body screamed for rest. Still, he didn’t let the exhaustion took over him yet. Donghae’s words didn’t really surprise him though; it was almost like he had seen it coming, eventually. He swallowed nervously, afraid for Donghae’s sake. Anything could happen really, and that was the thing he scared the most.

Their enemy had always been unpredictable.

“I don’t want you to”, Hyukjae muttered tiredly. His mouth was already dry like sandpaper, and his body was even trembling a bit.

It was the truth, he couldn’t lie about it. He really didn’t want to think about letting Donghae race with anyone of Xiezhi, because it was definitely way too dangerous and life-threatening.

“I know”, the younger whispered, so softly it almost disappeared into the thin air. “But I have to. I really have to do it.” He didn’t want to cry; he didn’t want to be weak when he had decided to live to the mafia’s expectations. Even if it would kill him.

“No.”

“I…” Donghae started, hating the fact that he wasn’t able to act strong enough. “I don’t have a choice.”

“No. I can’t let you do that. If someone should drive, it would be me”, he insisted, and Donghae could almost sense how his eyebrows were furrowed and his lips were sealed in to a thin, straight line.

“I think Donghae should do it.”

Either of them hadn’t really expected Kyuhyun to interfere. The brunette, youngest male turned himself sideways towards him, securing Hyukjae by supporting his weaker body with his own and letting him to lean on him.

They both were looking at Kyuhyun, who stood in front of the window in the darkened apartment, the nightly glow illuminating him enough for the two to see his face.

“Why?” Hyukjae inquired, slightly annoyed already. Not just because of Kyuhyun, but also because of his tiredness, fears and uncertainty.

Kyuhyun had a slightly healed, yellowish bruise over his left eye and a cut on his lip which were caused by Kangin in his furious state after getting to know Kyuhyun’s true colors, which most of them had none the less kind of forgiven, but with a slight feeling of reserve still lingering there. He clicked his tongue and crossed his arms over his chest in a way Donghae had learned to see as gestures of knowing something that others yet didn’t.

Hyukjae was one of them too who were a bit doubting towards Kyuhyun’s real motives, but who still wanted to give him a change by letting him to be the one who brought him to Donghae.

“There are facts most people haven’t had even the slightest idea, but since I was the mole for Xiezhi for a long time, I have more knowledge about everything considering Hero. I’ve known him and his family since I was a kid, and because of that I know things even his own people might not be aware of even now”, Kyuhyun started, and ended the sentence with a deep, a bit apologetic breath.

“The information I have, links almost everything together. For years, and while I still was more into Xiezhi’s side, I had this hunch that there was something more than met the eye. And it all started after Hero’s father died four years ago and Hero started to prepare for his own leadership. He was very aware of the happenings before his own father took over the original leader of the mafia.”

Donghae looked at Kyuhyun, and then glanced to Hyukjae, who was now leaning even more against him and looked extremely weary.

“I’m sorry to interrupt you now, Kyu, but I think Hyukjae should sit down”, Donghae muttered, a bit worried.

“No it’s okay, I can stand…” Hyukjae tried to say with determination, even if he was already feeling dizzy.

“You should be in the hospital instead of here you idiot, so cut the crap and sit down before you black out. This is going to take a while to explain anyway”, Kyuhyun mocked, and sat down on the couch next to the bed where Donghae helped Hyukjae lay down. The youngest sat on the edge of the motel’s bed, at the same time caressing the leader’s hand when he looked at Kyuhyun again, impatient and ready to hear the rest. He didn’t have the slightest idea what was about to come, but he could sense the things Kyuhyun was about to tell them, were meaningful.

“So, where was I...?” Kyuhyun muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose before he continued to explain. “Oh yes. After Hero’s father, Mr. Han took over Xiezhi, there were quite a lot of ruckus between the mafias. It was because Xiezhi’s original leader and Shiwang’s leaders were actually friends back in the days. Shiwang and Xiezhi lived in perfect harmony whilst Mr. Han was just Xiezhi’s leader’s right hand man. But Mr. Han had been planning to overthrow the man he had been working for years. When Shiwang and Xiezhi were still in peace, so were Yunho and Hero. They had known each other for a long time since Hero’s father had had quite a lot of interacting to do with Shiwang then. But then, after planning the kill of Xiezhi’s leader for few years, it happened. Xiezhi’s leader was dead, and everyone thought it was an accident. Hero’s father took over immediately, but the relations between Shiwang started to crack. After some time, the truth about it went viral; it had been framed into an accident.”

With wide eyes both Donghae and Hyukjae listened. Even Hyukjae hadn’t known these things about the mafias’ history.

“Yunho’s father was furious, because it was evident that the man behind the ‘accident’ had been Mr. Han. The relation went septic – so went Yunho’s and Hero’s friendship. I don’t know much more details about Shiwang from that time, because then I wasn’t in the role of a mole yet. But because Hero was Mr. Han son, he started to teach him the things he knew about being the leader. It was most likely because just few years later only, when Hero and all the relatives, including me, got to know that Mr. Han had cancer. The doctors had said that he only got few years to live at most, and two years later in 2009, he died. Just few years before that, Shiwang’s leader had given the leadership to his own son, Yunho due to his health issues. He had been in the lead for something about fifteen years already after all. It didn’t do any good to Yunho’s and Hero’s relationship, and about that time Hero decided to move to the U.S, for a short period of time to clear his head. He gave more power to G-Dragon, who at least didn’t lessen the friction between everyone.”

Kyuhyun stopped talking for a while, looking at his friends questioningly. “Are you still following?”

Donghae nodded, glancing at Hyukjae who had his eyes closed, but nonetheless hummed for an answer that he was still awake and listening.

“Good, because now it’s about time to include everyone else in the mess too. Even if Hero was away physically, he was constantly planning and thinking a way to get under Shiwang’s skin. He read all the files his father had been collecting through the years, finding something important…”

The look in Kyuhyun’s eyes started to change. It was like the calm before the storm; like telling them wordlessly that he hadn’t wanted this to happen. That he had always been just a meaningless pawn in the story.

“He found out that Xiezhi’s original leader’s offspring were still alive and breathing – and that the older of the man’s sons was actually now in Shiwang and I’m talking about Donghwa, if you didn’t get it already.”

The youngest felt how his body and blood inside him froze, and he forget to breathe for a moment. His head was a mess after all the new and interesting information, but he really hadn’t expected this. It was just mind-blowing, and the biggest piece to chew was the fact that…

So that’s also why he had always gotten those threats; why he and Hyukjae had been separated; why Donghwa had died; why he ended up in Shiwang anyway…

Could he even think it was part of his destiny?

“So it means that your father was the real leader of Xiezhi, Donghae. And since your brother was the older one of you two, Hero figured that Donghwa was going to be a threat to him. And he was kind of right. Yunho already knew about the fact because his father had told him and Donghwa about the truth of his past before he retreated, and because of Donghwa’s request, he was taken into the mafia when he was only fourteen. The problem was soon the fact that Donghwa wanted to know more about his parents and preferably get the things back to their original place. He started to gather information, and Hero realized he was getting in the way…”

Donghae was biting the insides of his cheeks, feeling how Hyukjae was holding his hand a bit tighter, trying to support him emotionally, because it wasn’t easy for him either.

“…and we all already know what happened next”, Kyuhyun said with a sigh, looking at his lap. “But then you, Donghae, came along. It didn’t take long for Hero to realize who you really were, since he already knew about your brother. And since then he had wanted to get rid of you, and that’s what he’s still aiming to. He’s just playing with you, if he already gave you some hints about this.”

“Does he have…any other motives?” Donghae asked, feeling how a migraine would be coming since his head was now full of questions and everything.

“As far as I know about Hero’s nature, he’s greedy and he’s mostly just after power. And nowadays, he hates Shiwang and Yunho to the guts. After his father died, his humanity seemed to disappear with it…”

The youngest didn’t know how his grip tightened around Hyukjae’s hand when he tried to make some sense to it all inside his head.

For a moment silence lingered over the little apartment, until Donghae opened his mouth again.

“But why do you want me to race against him?”

“I think you should try to challenge him. You’re a great driver, and so is Hyukjae, but he’s in too bad shape to race”, Kyuhyun muttered, and rolled his eyes when his leader shot a glare towards him. “It can also give us some time to prepare what’s going to happen after that. Hero is most likely going to use some route he knows and where he thinks he’s in control. You’re going to race tomorrow, right?”

“Yes. He said tomorrow, at midnight.”

“You’re going to text us the location. We’re coming there too”, Hyukjae suddenly said, now leaning on his arm to keep his upper body up. He looked at the younger meaningfully, not leaving any other options, and Donghae didn’t say a word to protest.

 

*

 

When Donghae stood in the October’s cold night after Hyukjae sat down on Kyuhyun’s car, he just hoped he could do something right. All the new things were tantalizing his mind, all the truths about his family and the mafias kept his mind busy.

He didn’t want to let go of Hyukjae, even for a short while and knowing that it was the best for the man to stay at the hospital. Kyuhyun had already said that he had gotten mad text messages from the other members, and decided to bring Hyukjae back there as soon as possible. The leader looked so worn-out after being abruptly waken up just the same day from his long-lasted unconsciousness. It would take time for his wounds to heal and gain some strength again.

Kyuhyun was about to walk to the driver’s side, when he suddenly turned back to face Donghae, who noticed the unreadable expression on the older man’s face.

The car’s doors were closed, so Hyukjae wouldn’t really hear Kyuhyun talking. Donghae couldn’t understand the look on Kyuhyun’s face; it was apologetic, sad, determined but also a little hopeful. His eyebrows were in a frown and seemed to have lots of thoughts inside his head too.

“I think you should take back what belongs to you”, the man said with a low tone, looking somewhere beyond the younger.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean this whole thing. You’re the key to this all. This life… It’s a legacy left to you. Xiezhi belongs to your family. Mr. Han ruined something important. This is not a fairytale but things were good back then. We’re never going to live in peace, we’re gangsters after all, but we could at least try to bring back some dignity.”

The brunette swallowed. He hadn’t really expected to be anything special. He wasn’t anything special. He was just a random guy in his twenties who did know nothing about his family’s true history. Could he be able to take such a huge responsibility on his unexperienced shoulders?

He couldn’t do it alone.

“Shiwang is by your side, Donghae. Just do what feels right.”

He didn’t even know what to say. “But I can’t… I’m not…”

“You’re not alone in this.”

But Shiwang was the family for him. He didn’t want to be anything else.

“Oh, I almost forgot”, Kyuhyun said and took something out from his jacket’s pocket. “I found this not long ago while I was trying to find some evidence to this whole matter. I think Hero’s men must have found it from Donghwa’s home or something… I don’t know what it says, but it’s indicated to you and your brother.”

He handed an envelope towards the younger male.

Donghae watched how the car left and soon disappeared from his sight. The envelope was burning in his fingers, but he decided not to open it until he got back inside.

 

*

 

Back in his motel room, he sat down on the bed and opened it with trembling fingers. The paper was already yellowish, and he could only guess it was quite an old piece already.

He folded it open, and at first, he looked at the date on the right upper corner.

It was dated as October 22 in 1999…

 

Dear Donghwa & Donghae

As your father, I’ve always wanted give my boys a good life. Even before the oldest of you hadn’t even been born yet, I decided that I need to keep my work and family separated from each other. And if you’re reading this, I’m quite sure that I am long gone by now, and you might already know what my ‘work’ was about and why you are reading this.

But just to make myself clear, I wasn’t just an ordinary father for two amazing kids, but I was also the head of one of the biggest mafias in this country…

So at the same time while I tried to lead this gang called Xiezhi, I also tried to raise you two rascals. It wasn’t easy (so if you’ve ever thought about having kids of your own, please think twice (I’m talking from experience)).

Because of that I’m not here with you today.

You might think I’m talking nonsense here?

As a matter of fact, I still am the leader of Xiezhi, and thereby Donghwa should be the heir to my ‘throne’. But as I have always wanted to keep things separately, I really hope either of you never have to face that pressure of being the heir literally. Because I really would like you to have something better for your lives than having the role as a chief of that gang – that most likely torn our family apart by the time you’re reading this.

For over half a year I’ve already known that my so-called right-hand man Mr. Han has had some intentions to bring me down, and take my place instead. I was about to retire from this anyway, but now when I know about Han’s true colors I can’t do it yet – I don’t want him as the leader because of his true greedy nature, so I have to get against him before he succeeds.

That’s why I prepared this for you, just in case (and as your father I really hope you would never need to open this letter) if something happens. And most likely has happened if you have this letter on your fingers now, because after I’m done writing, I will trust it to my good friend who will give this to you if it’s the case.

So, I’m so sorry for leaving you, but I will always love you both and promise me that you will take care of each other as long as you can.

(There should be another piece of paper included for little instructions about your inheritance. Use it wisely.)

Love,  
Dad

 

He wasn’t sure how long the tears had already ran along his cheeks when he read the letter again and again, until he decided that he would not let Hero win on this.

He would do everything for the sake of his parents, his brother, and not at least for the sake of his friends in Shiwang, his new family, and Hyukjae, who had been the ones who had had kept believing in him till the end. 

For the sake of people who had given him a reason to live again.


	28. Somewhere I belong

A man came to him with rushed steps, holding a phone on his hand while a frown was dominating his face.

"Sir", the man tried, but his boss didn't yet notice him. "Sir", he tried again, voice more demanding this time. The man sitting behind his desk finally raised his gaze with a sigh.

"How many times I've asked you to call me Yunho, Changmin? You may be my secretary but we're also friends."

"But sir...Yunho. Lee Hyukjae is calling you. He said it's urgent", he said, breathing heavily as he had run there from the first floor.

"Hyukjae? Shouldn't he be at the hospital", the leader muttered, taking the phone on his hand.

"It's about Lee Donghae and Hero, sir."

"Changmin... What?" he uttered and hastily placed the device against his ear. It had to be the time. The truth must have been revealed to him too...and he was absolutely right when he heard a furious growl from the other end.

"You goddamn motherfucker!"

Even though Hyukjae sounded angry, he couldn't do else but to chuckle, although he actually felt a bit bad for keeping things like these from his second man, who had been by his side and his friend for years.

"Well hello to you too sunshine. You finally decided to wake up?"

"It was about time to wake up! How come you dared to keep these things from me?! Donghae is the fucking heir to Xiezhi and you arsehole knew it all along and decided to not to tell me about it, huh?!" Hyukjae bawled – his voice hoarse and Yunho could tell from the stable beeping that he was at the hospital. But he knew Hyukjae couldn't hate him.

"You know I did it for your safety - and I mean both of you", he said with a bit gentler tone. It was the truth anyway; Hyukjae was like a little brother to him, and since his own father had made him promise to look after Donghwa, and by that also Donghae, he had to care for them enough to be able to be so mean to separate them. He didn't have wanted the same fate to happen to Donghae, so he had decided to do everything by the hard way – even if Hyukjae would have hated him for that.

"I still hate you and that doesn't mean I've forgiven you, fucker."

"I'll be able to live with that", Yunho mumbled with a little grin. Changmin though was staring at him like a madman was talking on the other end. "Kyuhyun told you, didn't he?"

"How'd you know?" Hyukjae asked – his voice lower.

"He told me about everything and asked for our forgiveness", the leader answered, his fingers playing with the black stapler on the desk.

"You forgave him, right?"

"He has proved me his loyalty", he said vaguely and a peaceful silence fell upon the conversation. "How are you feeling, anyway? You got it quite badly."

The younger man on the other end snorted.

"Like shit. What did you expect?"

"Not much. So... You've seen Donghae...?" Yunho asked, a bit suggestively which got Changmin raising his eyebrow at the man.

"Yeah. I have", Hyukjae muttered, and Yunho could hear the nervousness through the line.

"How is he?"

"I guess he's...fine. Shocked, probably... But..."

The leader frowned, sensing that something was off. "Hyukjae, I'm sorry if—“

"It's not about that..."

Yunho could hear him gulping.

"I'm...I'm scared. Yunho... He's going to challenge Hero on a race."

He could feel the heavy bile starting to form inside his chest, and Yunho was sure Hyukjae felt the same. This wasn't good. Hero was vicious and unpredictable person who could go as far as he was able to if he wanted something.

And Donghae's life was one of them.

"I'm getting back to Korea", he snapped, immediately getting up from the chair, gesturing Changmin to start packing his stuff.

"Yunho... He's going to race in four hours", Hyukjae said, the fear radiating from him clearly. "I don't know what he would do if Donghae would refuse. Or if...someone wanted to take his place."

"He'll not let anyone else on it", the man said sternly. "He wants Donghae. Dead."

"I cannot... I cannot let that happen."

"You can't do anything - for now. I'm taking the next flight. I'll be there in three hours", the man stated, and with a glance his secretary was already on it.

"Make it two."

 

*

 

He killed the engine outside the larger house that was Shiwang's headquarters in Busan. The house was big, but not big enough to call it as a mansion. Donghae had spent some time there while he had waited for Hyukjae to wake up, though he had still spend most of his time at the hospital before Hyukjae had woken up.

This time, he wasn't going there to stay, but to meet the others and in three hours, to head up to the place they were going to start the race. It was an understatement to say that he was nervous, scared shitless and still not sure if this was going to change anything.

With a heavy sigh, he took off his keys and stood out from the car, swinging the door closed and locking the whole system with a simple click. He didn't know if the others knew about the truth already. He didn't actually know about anything at the moment. He didn't know how he should be or act.

He swallowed the lump down on his throat, tucked the key inside his leather jacket and started to walk across the quite huge parking lot towards the western styled building. There were at least ten other cars on the lot, most of them being the same kind as the black Dodge of his own that he used here; expensive, most likely tuned sports cars. For their people it was more like a rule than an exception to have a car like that. And most of the time, Donghae wouldn't have mind. But today, when his stomach was churning in utter fear, he would have preferred to distance himself those vehicles. Even when he knew that he was a good driver, there was still the feeling of doubt.

He had no idea how many of the men there could be on the scene. He had no idea how to talk to them; to his friends. His family.

Without him really noticing, he had already arrived to the front door and cautiously he placed his hand on the knob, walking in. His heart was thumbing loudly inside his chest that it was almost hard to hear anything else.

The warm lighted crystal chandeliers welcomed him back with the familiar sounding voices coming from the kitchen's way. It seemed like quite many of them were there in the end.

Nervously and without noticing, his fingers circled around the car's electronic key again while he walked towards the dining room, fidgeting the device as a try to calm his nerves.

He just hoped no one would actually hate him.

But his thoughts were shortly cut off, when he heard a familiar voice - a voice that belonged to the man who was supposed to be still at the hospital. It wasn't a surprise to find him acting the contradictory though.

"No, Leeteuk, I'm not going anywhere."

"You are not in shape good enough to be going around like this! For Christ's sake, Hyukjae!"

"I'm not going anywhere!"

When Donghae stepped on the threshold, the whole room went silent. He could feel the different pairs of eyes staring at him, and when he shifted his own, he noted that beside Hyukjae and Leeteuk, most of his good friends were there too; Sungmin, Heechul, Yesung, Ryeowook, even Kyuhyun, and two guys he knew only by their names, Siwon and Hangeng.

But the pair of eyes that felt like burning on his skin belonged to no other than Hyukjae. When their gazes met, it felt like it had been ages when they saw each other, although it had been merely a day since the last time.

Hyukjae was still in bad shape though. A day didn't do miracles for anyone who had gone through that kind of bad beating. The bruises on his face had mostly healed, but he could see the still healing scar on his brow, and the dark circles around his eyes indicating of the tiredness and pain he still had to bear with.

He hastily looked at the others, hoping that the heat on his face didn't show on the outside. When the knowledge of his presence finally sank to everyone, he could discern some gentle and a bit sheepish smiles on them.

"...H-Hae."

But again, his focus went back to Hyukjae who had silently called him. He bit his lip to prevent it from trembling like he was about to start sobbing, and without thinking much else he took the few meters between him and the older, removing the gap between them when he went and threw himself onto the other. He circled his arms around the man's neck, still careful to not to hurt him while he was still weak on his body. He nuzzled his face into the crook of Hyukjae's neck, sensing clearly how the other did the exact same thing, while also inhaling a deep wary breath of the other male's scent inside his lungs. His eyes felt hot, but he didn't want to cry again, so Donghae only tightened the embrace around Hyukjae, hugging him like his life was depending on it. He, and also Hyukjae, had their eyes closed, only wanting to forget everything else around for the short moment when he wasn't even sure when the next time could even be.

"...I knew it!" Sungmin exclaimed happily.

They didn't really acknowledge the gasps, snickers or smiles coming around them, until Hyukjae pulled back from him - only to clasp their lips together in a short, but more possessive and enchanting kiss Donghae had probably ever experienced. It only lasted for few seconds, but he could sense all the meanings behind it, and really feel them inside him when another handful of fingers entangled with his own when Hyukjae leaned his forehead against Donghae’s. He didn't need any words to understand what it all meant. It was enough like this.

He immediately acknowledged that his cheeks were already painted with the lightest shade of a rosy pink when he heard a whistle that with no doubt sounded like Heechul. Embarrassed to realize that they had just shown their feelings towards each other so carelessly in front of everyone, made him press his forehead against Hyukjae's shoulder again. Although he was afraid to hear something negative, he was surprised to hear none of them.

"You sly bastard...!"

"Goddamn, didn't knew you were such a casanova, Hyukjae", Hangeng laughed heartily, despite his usual tough act.

"Shut up", Hyukjae grumbled, though, there was a proud grin lingering on the corner of his lips when he pressed his cheek against Donghae's head. For once, he felt so happy, almost normal. And he only wanted it to last a little bit longer...

A short while later Donghae finally dared to lift his head again, hoping that the redness would have disappeared from his face at least to some point.

"You sure are full of surprises, Donghae", Heechul started, lips in a form of grin when he walked to them and ruffled Donghae's dark brown, silky locks. "First, you're able to melt this iceberg and then you happen to be the heir of Xiezhi's leader? Give us old hags a break, kid."

At first Donghae wasn't sure if those things were actually okay to them all, but when he glanced at everyone, he knew it was alright.

"Thank you", he said, giving them a warm, almost an apologetic smile that definitely was genuine.

"Whatever for", Heechul mumbled, "We're a family, no one is left behind so easily – right, Kyuhyun?" the cat-eyed man snickered while taking the former mole into a teasing, brotherly headlock.

"Agh, get off me!" the male yelled, despite the humored smile on his face and the happy glimmer in his eyes.

 

*

 

The cold water was dripping down on his face when he leaned against the sink, fingers clasping against with so much power that his knuckles had already turned white. His right leg was trembling too, and the nauseating feeling inside his torso didn't help at all.

When he looked at himself through the wide mirror, he didn't see anything extraordinary. He was just a young man on his early twenties, whose face had slowly started to get a bit more defined looked, the soft teenager features slowly fading away. His eyes were dark, almost as deep in color as black coffee, but giving them a hint of tenderness with the honey colored spots. He didn't look that fresh with the dark circles and bags around his eyes, brunette locks messily spreading around when he had brushed his hand through them too many times while feeling nervous.

The black, simple t-shirt along with his other features didn't make him look like a member of a mafia, but a mere young guy who didn't have expected his life turn like this. So many new and important things had came into his life within the past year, and he wasn't sure if he wasn't even really following yet.

The fact that his father had been the leader of Xiezhi was just devastating. He had never thought a fate like that would have been for him, but here he was, bracing himself for the upcoming battle, or race, of the leadership of the mafia that had been taken away from his family he didn't even remember much. The only thing he had had the chance to come close with had been his brother. Most of the memories of his father or mother had already faded away to just little pieces of events, words or conversations. He had almost forgotten the family he came from, until now, when everything was thrown back at him with such a powerful force.

Clenching his fist he gave his own face a one last glance before wiping the last dripping drops of water away with the back of his hand. But before he was able to just leave the big bathroom, he lowered his face and took a deep breath, swallowing the saliva despite his dry mouth.

He had to do it. He had to race against Hero. There was no other way.

Donghae hadn't noticed that someone had silently opened the door and stepped in and closed the door behind him without a noise. He was surprised that he didn't get startled when he felt a hand sliding down his back, ending up on his waist.

The few drenched strands of brown hair covered half of his eyes when he lifted his gaze, biting his lip when he glanced at Hyukjae through the mirror. He was able to inhale his scent that was now fresher, obviously enhanced with a fragrance that was different than the one he remembered him using months ago. The smell of disinfectant and hospital was no longer there, and at the moment he didn't want anything else so bad but to be covered with the existing one.

Hyukjae's dusky orbs were observing him profoundly, and the younger now remembered he hadn't looked like this around the time when they were separated. And he had clearly taken a note of the man's entirely changed style from the light blond to the jet black one.

Despite the months being away, not seeing or almost hearing anything from each other still hadn't decreased any feelings from the time Hyukjae had left to Busan - he could have said that they had only gotten stronger, drilled even deeper into him. Nothing had really changed into much worse – actually, it only felt like the bond between them had gotten tighter.

It only made him feel light-headed when Hyukjae slipped his hand under his shirt, sensually brushing the skin over his hip-bone and pushing Donghae closer to the sink and letting his front press against the younger's backside. The brunette licked his lips, leaning his shoulders onto Hyukjae's collar bones, and through the mirror he saw how the man kissed his neck. He let out a smothered sigh, and the black-haired one slid his hand further on his abdomen.

"You've changed", the older whispered, lips held so close to his ear he was able to feel the draft on his skin.

"So do you", Donghae answered. His own hand had been placed upon Hyukjae's under his shirt. He had missed these touches that he had been able to feel on him only once. It was absurd, but now he didn't have a slightest doubt about the other's feelings. He wasn't afraid that he wouldn't have mattered to him. He wasn't self-conscious, or contemplating if this thing between them was real.

Of course, he had been afraid if Hyukjae would have decided to forget him. But for now, it wasn't the case. That was for sure.

He gazed into the man's eyes, taking a deep breath in when his hand went over his chest. His mind was really struggling to keep the hold of his senses when he was turned around, and he was now facing the man who had his black hair styled out of his forehead, giving him the change to take a closer look of his features that had slimmed down a bit during the time spent in hospital. Hyukjae's hands were brought back on to the younger's waist, fingers hovering against the skin just above the waistband of his jeans.

"Is that a bad thing?" the man grinned, eyes challenging him, though the fear was still evident in them.

"No. Not at all."

"That's what I thought", Hyukjae whispered just millimeters away from his thin lips, until Donghae felt the smirk against the open-mouthed kiss that was soon about to change his legs into jelly. He hadn't the slightest thought to prevent Hyukjae from overpowering his mouth with his warm tongue, when his own hands went to pull him even closer from his neck. When it was impossible to get him any closer, his fingers went on his nape, slightly stroking his soft hair. Donghae could easily acknowledge how the kiss was starting to get fierce, yet it was not missing any of the affection and devotion between them.

The younger moaned throatily when his own tongue was being pulled and whilst Hyukjae's hands were roaming on his ass. Yet he knew they didn't have enough time for anything else. But the time they had they used for kissing and caressing each other, knowing that the future wasn't secured for them.

Too fast minutes later, Hyukjae's lips left his, his eyes glancing at his watch.

"What's the time?" Donghae asked, forehead leaning against the boarder shoulder.

"Few minutes past eleven", he sighed. "It's time."


	29. Fear and loathing

Hyukjae was clenching his fists and biting his lips when he glared at the man at the other side of the road on the rest area, where Hero and his men had parked their cars - while Shiwang’s people’s cars where on the rest area of the other side. He hated to see the man grinning when he talked to his men, to see how he threw confident glances towards Hyukjae and his people, which restlessly and silently waited for their rival to stop blabbering nonsense and just start the race before they would take the matters in their own hands.

In his mind he thought that Hero was confident because he wasn’t so emotionally attached to his underlings, as opposed to Shiwang where most of the people were really close to each other and everyone cared about at least someone. Hero didn’t really care anybody, so he neither did he care if he would lose someone, unlike Hyukjae - or anyone of them - who would do the best they could to protect their own despite the fact that with a life like this losses were always predictable at some point when things went too far.

The people present had started to get uptight, and Hyukjae could notice how his comrades were staring coldly towards the other side, already so tense that one single spark might hit the top at any time, and the fire could broke free and cause a fight if he wouldn’t keep his men in check.

And it didn’t take a minute when Heechul stepped forward, looking pretty annoyed and ready to smash someone’s head into the asphalt.

“What’s taking so goddamn long?” he shouted over the road, almost taking another step and walking to them when Hyukjae chose to terminate his intentions by slamming his arm in front of the man’s chest. The younger could easily discern the snarl escaping from Heechul’s lips, dark eyes throwing daggers towards him because Hyukjae dared to do so. But with a simple look the leader was able to get Heechul to back off, honoring his authority even when they were more like equals to each other than a leader and an underling. He lowered his arm back on his side, glancing at the others, then the brunette beside him who was the one to race soon.

“Impatient much to get your asses kicked?” the still red haired man of their enemy asked loudly, grinning viciously which got Hyukjae gritting his teeth for an umpteenth time in a mere quarter of an hour. He didn’t answer since he tried to keep his head cool, but when his hand slightly brushed Donghae’s trembling one on his right, he knew the younger was scared but determined to win no matter what. And he wasn’t the only one afraid of the outcome; he would be lying if he would say that no one doubted anything. If it would have been Donghae racing against one of their comrades, he wouldn’t need to fear for his life. But when it was about Hero, anything could happen.

“It’s about time to get it on already”, he barked back, his posture challenging and confident despite the turmoil inside.

“Let's get it going then”, Hero finally said, smirking at them like he always did. He had his keys on his fingers when he gave his nameless underling a glance, which nodded and took two devices out from the backseat of his electric blue car. Hyukjae glared at him suspiciously when he went to set it up on Hero's car.

“It's just a GPRS if you were thinking, Donghae will get the same. It has the right route on it already installed so you don't need to read a map while driving”, the rival leader explained with an evil smirk. Hyukjae nodded, but kept his eyes on the man when he went to place it on Donghae's car, making sure that at the same time nothing dirty was happening. Even though he tried to trust that Hero wasn't planning anything, he couldn't help it when he looked at them, seeing Hero and G-Dragon so calm, almost too calm, when the look on their faces were more slyer than snake's. He couldn't trust them, not in his lifetime. He knew they would do anything for their own good.

“Done, boss”, the man said and stepped aside.

“Shall we race then?”

The leader turned to look at his lover, who for once looked back at him, probably because of his nervousness, and when the younger was sure no one could see, Donghae brushed his fingers through Hyukjae’s before he let go and started to walk towards his car. Before he sat down on the driver's seat of his jet black Dodge Charger, he gave Hyukjae a last glance, trying to tell him it was alright and it would be okay - even when they both knew it might not be the case if something bad would happen.

He took a deep, heavy breath, and mouthed almost an unnoticeable 'love you', until the car's door was slammed shut and Donghae's figure disappeared behind the darkened glass.

It felt close to an eternity before both had brought their cars on the starting line, and when Hyukjae shielded his chest by crossing his arms upon it he could now hear the loud gasification noise when the racers started picking up speed though they yet didn't let up the clutch to get them on moving. The smoke was already furiously rising in the air, slowly disappearing with the light wind that blew around the place.

 

*

 

Donghae had a tight grip around the staring wheel when one of Xiezhi's men stood between the cars, ready to give them the hand signs. He could feel his car's wheels screeching under him, the engine growling impatiently and his thoughts swirling erratically inside his head while the blood was flowing madly through his veins when he waited.

The man reached his hand forward. Ready. Soon he brought it straightforwardly on his right. Steady. And finally: upwards over his head. Go.

The cars took off with a high speed, Hero getting ahead first, though Donghae was right beside his, only few dozens of centimeters after him.

Since the route went around a certain area of Busan, along a road next to the sea at the start and the ending point, circulating a bit through the suburbs of the city, then coming back to the start from a different way, it didn't tell anything if the other was leading at the moment because they had many kilometers to drive first.

Donghae tried to focus on the road ahead, listening closely to the female voice of the navigator that was telling him where to go. But Hero still had the home advantage when it came to the route, since it was all mostly Xiezhi's territory. Donghae just had to trust his instincts and the GPRS.

At least he knew his car inside-out, and how to handle it even at the most difficult situations.

It had been merely few minutes after the departure but they were already kilometers away from the place they had left at the first place. The night was cloudless, a bit crispy since it was fall season already, but the visibility was good and the road dry to get the best friction between the asphalt and the wheels of their cars. Most of the curves weren't that hard, and at a certain moment Donghae was able to get a bit ahead of Hero on a narrower road, letting him trail behind when he drove so in the middle it was almost impossible to bypass him.

His confidence was getting higher when the feeling that he could actually be able to do it hit him, but he still kept his head clear to the fact that he shouldn't get too confident.

And he was right, because not too much after Hero managed to get next to him again, and when he expected it the least the man jostled his car's front left against Donghae's car, making him stumble a bit.

“Shit.”

The Charger probably took a slight hit, and he started to wonder how far Hero would go with this when they would get closer to the end when it had already started to get stark.

 

*

 

The black haired man had a cigarette between his lips out of nervousness when Kyuhyun walked to him with a grim look in his eyes. He glanced at the younger, clenching his fists when he felt them shaking.

“If I were you a smoke wouldn’t calm my nerves at all”, Kyuhyun mouthed with a sigh, leaning against Hyukjae’s car and tucking his hands inside his cargo pants pockets.

“It doesn’t”, the leader answered, taking a lung-deep breath and tossing the cigarette butt onto the ground, trampling it under his shoe.

“I don’t have a good feeling about this...” the younger continued, biting his lips and not really daring to look up at the man beside him.

“Me neither. Something isn’t right. I feel like throwing up.”

“I feel you.”

“This anxiety will kill me”, Hyukjae hissed, kicking the rear wheel of his car.

The darkness of the night had already fell upon the city hours ago, but only now it started to feel like it had started to diminish all the light that was left anymore. The rarely installed street lights only gave a sick, yellowish glow around, and the gentle hushes of the sea gave out only distant noises that at the moment weren’t calming anyone.

Hyukjae stood there behind the railing, staring upon the deep blue sea while the wind set free the shivers running along his spine. His stomach was churning in mere terror even though he wanted to rely on Donghae’s proficiency to fight against the man who had destroyed so much already on his way.

Even Yunho wasn’t there yet to speak some words of wisdom to him since he hadn’t gotten a flight soon enough to get there on time, and because of that he wouldn’t be there even in two hours. He let his knees lean against the metallic, cold railing that was securing him from the high fall of the solid rock wall that would have lead straight to the sea.

The man didn’t want anything else so bad to be sure that Donghae would get to the finish line in one piece.

He was turning towards the cars again when his eyes took sight to the other side of the road, and somehow his eyes gripped on a record speed on that fact that something was missing from the scene.

It was too calm, too silent, and the bile inside his chest got only heavier when he realized that one of his worst enemies in addition to Hero wasn’t there.

“Bloody hell!” he snarled, mostly to his own self, before he ran to his car without caring about the questions coming from his comrades.

He jumped in and hastily started his car, not the Lamborghini he had back in Incheon, but a Subaru that was the best he had at the moment, ignoring the pats against the roof of it when his friends were trying to get an answer for him. But G-Dragon was definitely up to something and he didn’t have time to waste any longer.

 

*

 

Donghae was almost grateful that it was nighttime already so the streets weren’t so crowded, but he was still afraid that they might hurt some outsiders that had nothing to do with this at the first place. Hero was frequently disturbing him on purpose; sometimes swinging his car just right in front of him to cause Donghae to take abrupt turns, sometimes trying to shove his car to cause the same or even worse, but at least for now he had been able to keep car in control without further damages - despite the fact that the car’s sides had gotten dents and scratches.

His hand was clasped tightly around the staring wheel, while the other was controlling the gear shift and the hand brake. It was nerve-wracking, and even though he usually really enjoyed driving, now his mind was making up fuzz inside his head, trying to make everything feel worse than it really was.

Until his eyes reached the rearview mirror and his brain registered a car coming trailing behind him – a car that looked a bit too familiar, a car he had seen among the cars before the race had started.

He took a deep breath, accelerating again and making his car slide perfectly on a curve, trying to ignore the possible menace that was getting closer every second.

His rival’s car was quite closer to his on the left side, and when he glanced at Hero’s way, he saw the venomous grin already plastered on his face. He immediately knew he would be in big trouble. Two cars and drivers against one could easily end his came if the other car’s driver would play his cards the right way.

It was irritating him even more when he saw the car so close to his rear, and he was eventually able to recognize the face behind the glass; the red hair and eyes that didn’t anything but disaster.

But he wasn’t going to give up so easily. Xiezhi’s lead belonged to his family, and he wanted to take his family’s honor back when he remembered the good times with his parents and with his brother.

And if he wasn’t going to make it out alive, he wanted to at least prevent Hero to keep going on with hid dictatorship that had only caused more and more enmity between the mafias and beyond.

During a new curve through a bit bigger street where quite a lot of people were still walking and hanging around, and cars were passing by despite the late time of the night, Donghae felt how the Charger jostled forcibly. He had to turn the wheel with even more strength to keep it away from the people or cars parked beside the road, and he cursed out loud and searched the disturber with his eyes, only to feel a new crash against him.

G-Dragon seemed to be very passionate about bothering and harassing him, and it was almost impossible to get away him, when Hero got to drive freely further away from.

Gritting his teeth in annoyance, he threw an angry glance towards the red car and turned his wheel to pay back to the perpetrator, shoving the front right of the black Charger against GD’s car’s side with a loud crash. The car made an abrupt move towards the right side, but the man was able to guide it back to going straightforward.

Donghae could almost see the furious look in the man’s eyes through the two glasses, but he didn’t care and only gave more gas for his engine, taking off with a speed that gave him some few seconds head start. And for now, he only tried to grow some distance from the guy, accelerating and trying to catch Hero as fast as he could.

But suddenly he noticed another familiar looking car coming towards them behind, and while his eyes widened in horror he knew things were going to get nasty.

 

*

 

Hyukjae had driven after them like crazy, totally not caring about anything else but to reach them in time.

He should have known that he couldn’t trust those bastards. He should have known that there was definitely something off with everything, and he should have known that Hero wasn’t going to let Donghae win him. And obviously, G-Dragon had supposed to be his ace card, the one who should make sure that the current leader would keep his position.

The man was already catching them up, seeing Donghae’s car in the distance and also GD’s – and soon taking a note of the fact that both cars had already taken hits. And the mere fact drove him mad.

He wasn’t so much behind when he noticed there was only the last third of the route left anymore, and all the four cars were driving close to each other. That would most likely drive Hero to do anything with G-Dragon’s help to make sure that either Donghae or he could get past them.

The road that would lead to the finishing line was gradually going higher since it had been build beside the sea and to go higher from the sea, eventually lifting up to almost hundred meters in height. It was narrower than an average highway, and only two cars were able to drive side by side, and at the moment Donghae was there going ahead of the Xiezhi’s men. His car growled louder when he take more speed, soon trailing just behind G-Dragon’s and Hero’s vehicles.

And in a mere minute Hero was already getting so close to Donghae’s car he had to do something before a really rigid curve would come on the way. The cars were screeching and the thick smoke was soaring around when the Nissan of their enemy sped up and was ruthlessly driving towards Donghae’s car, rotating closer.

He had to do something, and so he did. He didn’t wait for longer, thoughts on a tight knot without thinking about anything else but that making sure that Donghae wouldn’t get hurt, when he drove his car after Hero in the highest speed he could and crashed it against the railing with so much power that half of his own car probably smashed badly. But he didn’t care, and he did it again, gritting his teeth and pushing the gas so hard that the last crash make the railing broke and the other car took a spill, shattering down the rocks and into the water, smoke, fire and pieces of aluminum spreading around with loud rumbles.

One down, one to go.

He couldn’t even think straight anymore when he only acted by his instinct and straightened his wheels and followed the last two without even realizing how close it had been for him that he hadn’t fallen down the hill with Hero.

Hyukjae switched the gear to a bigger one, and while feeling more desperate than ever, knowing that when Hero was out there was still G-Dragon, who would without a doubt take the opportunity to take vengeance on Hyukjae, who had once almost killed one of his mates, Seunghyun...

And he wouldn’t have been more right when the said man drove on Donghae’s right side, shoving the car against the rock wall that got the metals shrieking while the edges clawed the Dodge’s side and he could see the sparks beaming in the air from the vigorous friction.

The Dodge looked like shit; there were dents and scratches all over the car and at least two of his lights were broken. But GD’s car wasn’t in much better shape.

He saw his opportunity to come when G-Dragon slowed down a bit, only to take more speed to crash on Donghae’s car even harder.

I’ll finally bring you down, bastard...

Hyukjae sped up, steered his car to the red one’s side, and pushed it against the railing, and straight through it.


	30. Our darkest hour

He couldn’t really hear all the loud rumbles when the two cars crashed through the railing because his head had just stopped from working when he had seen Hero’s car falling first down the scarp. His car spun around on the asphalt, caused by the horrific sight he saw through the rear mirror, and he hit his head painfully against the staring wheel, but just few minutes after, the only thing he could see was the sight of a black car accelerating its speed when it was being driven against the red one.

It all went so fast from there.

He ignored the feeling that blood was bleeding down from his forehead, when he had opened the car’s door, only to see the last crash before the Subaru pushed G-Dragon’s car through the railings.

All the loud noises were just deep hums inside his head when the black car also disappeared down the scarp, pieces of metal and glass shattering along with them when the sports cars were torn apart from the crash when they plunged into the sea.

Hyukjae had driven his car through the railing. Hyukjae had saved his life.

He couldn’t recognize nor realize how he was already screaming in panic and fear, all sanity broken apart and making him lose all of his common sense. He couldn’t even understand how his friends had already reached the place and they had needed three men to hold onto him so he wouldn’t do anything like he definitely would have done if they wouldn’t have arrived in time.

Donghae was trashing around and trying to struggle himself free from Kangin’s, Heechul’s and Kyuhyun’s arms, and he didn’t have no idea what he was doing at the moment.

He was only able to see the crash again and again in his mind; how he saw Hyukjae’s car pushing the red one, and how they fell to the rocky sea with loud splashes and parts of car falling after, and how the dark abyss of the sea swallowed the cars in, leaving the white foams accruing above the fading vortexes. 

 

No one could possibly make it out alive from a fall like that.

 

"Donghae!"

 

No...

 

He couldn't hear how people were shouting his name to try to get him back into the reality.

 

It couldn't be...

 

"Donghae, goddammit! You're bleeding!"

 

It couldn't possibly be.

 

How could this happen to them?

 

"You can't go there, you'll die too...!"

 

What does it matter...?

 

"Donghae, we can't do anything..."

 

"It's too late."

 

Too late.

 

Why...?

 

"...H-hyukjae... No..."

 

No...

 

At the moment he couldn’t actually care about the fact that he had succeeded to take Hero down. He couldn’t care less because of that a person he had held dear the most had been taken away for him, and he could never get that back.

 

*

 

It had been a week already, and the three, wholly smashed cars had already been lifted up, but only two bodies had been really found from the sea. They had already contacted the police countless times, but still, Hyukjae’s body had not been found.

And Donghae had probably pressed the police more than enough to annoy them. And besides, the mafias weren’t really popular with the police anyway.

“No, we still hadn’t found anything Mr. Lee”, the police officer on the other side of the line said for the umpteenth time.

“But how is that even possible? I don’t care a fuck about the two others, but why can’t you find a single body? Has that goddamn bastard of Hero paid you something to do this?” Donghae hissed angrily and at the verge of starting a fight – again – with the officer Kim.

“Donghae...” he heard a tender voice coming from his left, when Sungmin was trying to soothe him.

“We are sorry, but we can do nothing if the tide has washed the body away from the car to somewhere out to the sea. The windshield was completely smashed so it is possible. I’m sorry for not being able to help”, the middle aged officer said with a tired sigh.

“Can’t you check it out one more time?”

“Donghae, stop it. They have already searched for many times and found nothing new”, Sungmin whispered beside the new leader, but the man only stroked his forehead frustrated and kept strolling around the room with the phone against his ear, deep scowl dominating on his usually soft looking face.

“I am sorry for your loss mister, but we can’t do else to help you.”

The brunette swallowed his saliva despite his dry mouth, and with a low growl he ended the call. He stood next to the big window, and stared at the phone’s darkened screen before he lowered his hand back down, eyes turning to look through the window where the cold rain was ravishing the ground.

Yes, it had only been a mere week after the fateful race, but he still wasn’t able to believe that it was real – and goddamn, he had heard enough about the fact that it was a natural part of grief.

It just...didn’t feel right.

He had lost count how many times he had visited at the scene of the accident. Every day, at first in the morning, usually around four am when the sun hadn’t even risen yet but he just hadn’t been able to sleep any longer, he had gotten up and driven to the place.

He could stand there for hours, and the first thing he would do was to stare to the Prussian blue sea, like he would have been waiting for someone to suddenly break the surface. Of course he knew it was impossible, but he couldn’t help it. His eyes would search further to the water at the same time he would memorize the crash over and over again.

Sometimes he might only memorize the noises; all the loud rumbles, shattering glass and breaking metal, the eventual splash of water and the hollow hum how the sea sucked the cars inside. He could hear the distant noices of the police, ambulance, fire engines... The shouts, the cries and some definitely his own, the unbelieving words, the tries of help...

One night he had woken up to the nightmare where everything had happened in slow-motion, but he had not been able to move himself. He had woken up drenched in cold sweat, head throbbing and mouth dry from the less or more soundless and endless screams.

He was never able to look at the mound of candles and different bundles of flowers around a photograph that represented the deceased at the accident place.

Donghae couldn’t forget it. But the only thing he was unable to see had been the faces. Hyukjae’s car’s darkened glass hadn’t shown anything through.

He didn’t know if the man had been scared. Had he known it all along that he was going to die? Had it actually been an accident; what if he hadn’t been supposed to dash through the railing? What if he could have done something to prevent it from happening...?

What if it would have been him?

Why it hadn’t been him...?

“Donghae...?” the familiar voice asked again, and Donghae could finally feel the slight pats against his arm. He wasn’t sure how long he had been deep in his own thoughts, when he finally turned to look at the man that had been there for him – even when Donghae hadn’t really been there at all, not really caring or noticing if he was left alone or if someone was there to accompany him.

“Hm...?” he hummed, eyes so dull and thoughts so far away from the present that Sungmin had gotten really concerned about him. And he wasn’t the only one from his friends who was worried, even when it wasn’t easy for them either.

“I think we should hold the funeral already. People need to...get some kind of a closure. You too. I know it sounds wrong, but you need to grief to start the healing process. It will eat you alive if you don’t—“

“Stop”, Donghae said, his tone unusually shallow. It just didn’t sound like him. It was cold — almost creepily calm.

“But Donghae—“

“The day after tomorrow. Tell everybody...the funeral”, he mumbled, a bit oddly, and turned back towards the window, leaning his shoulder against the window frame and his essence telling that it didn’t really matter what Sungmin would say, because he would not really listen.

Sungmin bit his lip, and with an unnoticeable nod he left the big room, closing the door after him.

At the hallway Heechul and Kyuhyun were waiting for him, eyes asking more than they dared to say out loud.

“How...is he?”

“Not any better.”

“How about the funeral...?” Heechul asked.

“The day after tomorrow. He didn’t say anything else. He was so....”

“I wonder how long it will take for him to start getting better.”

“I don’t know, Kyuhyun. I really don’t know...”

 

*

 

The day of the funeral came sooner than Donghae had wanted.

He couldn’t exactly even remember how the days between had gone, or what had he even done in the past days. He could only remember some vague moments when Sungmin had been there with him, but he couldn’t really remember any details of it. Somehow he memorized that he had done some paper work with Kyuhyun’s assistance, since the younger man knew more about Xiezhi’s current state and how they had been doing so far. Kyuhyun had probably done the most, even though everyone else too was mourning over their leader and good friend.

He knew some of Hero’s old underlings had left the mafia, but most of them had actually taken his leadership as a good thing; many of them had been annoyed and tired of Hero and his way to deal with things, and quite a lot of them had been there from the time when Donghae’s father had been the boss. That way, he had gotten a lot of help with everything he had to know, but for now, Donghae had not wanted to take the lead in its entirety.

The brunette didn’t have wanted to confuse and mess up with anything, so he had trusted the more important things onto Kyuhyun’s, Heechul’s and Sungmin’s hands. Fortunately Yunho also knew quite a lot of people from Xiezhi from the time the two mafias had been on good terms, so people seemed to be willing to cooperate with Shiwang again.

Donghae was glad so many people were ready to help, even the ones who had been close with Hyukjae. But now, almost everyone knew that Donghae and Hyukjae had been something more than just comrades, so people seemed to understand to give him some space and time, at least after they’ve noticed his absent-minded essence.

And for the sake of his position, his friends and his new underlings and comrades, he tried to stay strong and only let himself break down when no one else was around. He only let himself cry when he tried to sleep, and after hours he might have been able to fall asleep due to the exhaustion from crying.

He slept few hours at night, ate only when someone reminded him and for the past days he had tried to drown his sorrow into paperwork and everything that would take his mind away at least for a while.

He hadn’t noticed how horrible he looked like until the day of the funeral, when he had really stared at himself through the mirror for a minute, taking a clear note of the dark circles around and swollen bags under his eyes. His skin was pale and cheeks had already gotten thinner, and he hadn’t even cared before his thoughts had wandered to Hyukjae, who probably would have scolded him for not taking care of himself.

It had taken him almost an hour to get out of the bathroom after he had broken into pieces again, and cried all the tears out he was able to.

 

*

 

Donghae had dark sunglasses over his eyes despite the heavy clouds hovering at the sky, clearly telling that it was about to rain soon when Yunho was giving a quite beautiful eulogy.

The gloomy weather was perfectly copying Donghae’s feelings when he kept his eyes upon the cemetery, not really seeing anything while every other thing had filled his mind. He was listening, but his mind was somewhere else. He wasn’t even sure where.

He had a black dress shirt and pants, and his brown, over-grown hair was falling in front of his swollen eyes, but people could still notice how the tears streamed down his face despite the fact that the sunglasses were covering his reddened eyes. He didn’t want to look so fragile how he actually was, but most of his friends knew the truth.

And he wasn’t the only one to cry; Yunho, one of Hyukjae’s closest friends had his eyes glimmering in tears too; Sungmin’s face was red and teary despite the tries to constantly use the tissues; and Kyuhyun was clearly biting his lips, preventing himself from crying too. And it was just a part of them, though not so many people were present since they had decided that only the closest friends would be there that day.

When the priest had told his prayers for the last time, his mind really was trying to process the whole thing; Hyukjae was dead.

And he would be on his own from now on.

Only a miracle would be able to get Hyukjae back to life.

He would never see the smirks, the gentle smiles, feel his hands around him or sleep next to him again – he would never feel so secure and protected anymore.

One by one, he had lost the people that had mattered to him the most.

First his parents.

Then his brother, Donghwa.

Now Hyukjae.

When everyone else had already left, Donghae had stayed, staring at the grave that had the following craving:

 

Lee Hyukjae  
04.04.1986 – 11.11.2013


	31. Epilogue

It was different now compared to the winter season when there wasn't any snow on the ground back then, when it had only fallen down a month later back in December. Now most of the graves were covered in wet, heavy sleet that would probably melt in a day or two the latest, and the grey stalks that were mixed with new, green grass were already peeking through the snow that had fallen down during the early morning hours. It was that kind that wasn't going to stay for long anymore, but it still built up a more wintery-like atmosphere to the eleventh of March. The air was crispy, and the wind had been blowing upon the city of Busan almost for a week now.

The spring was already on its way, but yet it hadn’t made any difference inside Donghae’s head.

It all had stayed pretty much the same even after four months, though he had learned to ignore all those feelings swirling in his mind by focusing on his job and learning to be a good leader for his soon-to-be formalized underlings. He had learned to harden himself from all the possible triggers, and he was almost glad that his emotions had been suffocated and turned into indifference towards the subject.

He thought he was still pretty much the same Donghae he had always been, but the truth was he wasn’t. He had only told his own self so many times that he had only matured and gotten some more knowledge and experience of things that made him the way he was now.

But if he hadn’t admitted the truth, his friends surely had taken a note of it, but for their own good they had decided to mostly keep their mouths shut about it. The change had happened so slowly that it hadn’t been so easy to realize that something was different to how it used to be, but in the end, and at least, his closest friends who knew him the best were sure that he wasn’t the same anymore.

When he looked at the black marbled grave, he slowly let all his shields down for a short while, letting the endless sorrow to take a grip of him. Silently, the tears started dripping down on his face and at first he tried to wipe them all away, but in the end he just let them pour down, staining his cold cheeks with the salty fluid.

He couldn’t really realize how cold he actually was – even when his body was shivering under his black, a bit too thin jacket, while the still cold breeze flew his lengthy hair around.

Simply, he didn’t care.

Donghae couldn’t really find his own self caring about the coldness when he emotionally felt cold all the time, moreover the emptiness and loneliness that nowadays were the prevailing sentiment over him.

Four months.

It had already and only been four months, but it usually still felt like the race had been just yesterday.

When he closed his eyes, he could vividly see and hear how the wheels screeched and how the metals smashed together, how the cars disappeared down into the sea, and how every night he woke up sweating and breathing so fast it took minutes for him to calm down. And still, he only let himself cry into sleep or in front of the grave he came to visit once in a while.

He didn’t want his friends, his family, to see him so broken or unstable. He didn’t want them to think that he wouldn’t be able to move on, or forgive himself for that fateful night.

And yet he was still trying to admit that it had actually even happened. It was still hard to believe that it could be even the reality he was living – the reality that Hyukjae would never come back to him...

He was turning the same thoughts over and over in his head.

If I just wouldn’t have...

If I just would have known...

If I just could turn back time...

If I just...

He had tried so hard to forget; to forgive, to force himself to move on; just live – but he couldn’t.

 

 

It was the day he was supposed to be made the new leader officially.

Yet he couldn’t really find himself care about the fact that most of his new underlings were going to gather into the same house few hours later, after he had signed a paper to really make it official in a mere piece of paper.

Donghae didn’t notice the thoughtful look on Kyuhyun’s face, the male who had become his personal assistant because he knew so much more better about the inside things of Xiezhi.

“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” the younger man asked, a bit uncertain.

Donghae’s hand didn’t tremble when he wrote his signature to the bottom edge of the paper, and after, putting the pen down quite forcefully.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Donghae asked, though it was mostly only a rhetorical sentence.

Kyuhyun didn’t like the shallow tone of his voice these days.

“You wouldn’t have needed to do this yet if you needed any more time to—“

“I’m fine”, he retorted, glancing at the young brunette in front of the massive desk covered with a laptop, two phones, papers, a snitcher, and other stuff that were ordinary in any office.

“I just want you to know that no one’s pushing you”, Kyuhyun said, ignoring the ordinary snaps of his friend.

“I know”, Donghae said, “I am fine.”

“But you’re not yourself. I know you, Donghae...” he tried, with a bit more strength.

“I’m perfectly fine.” He cracked his knuckles, glaring at his friend in a pissed off manner. “Isn’t this matter closed already, huh?” The new leader turned his eyes away from Kyuhyun’s way, but the older saw the hint of guilt in them anyway. He didn’t say anything though, and lifted himself up from the chair and left the room as he was silently told to. He was slightly annoyed, because he just knew Donghae wasn’t really like this; he only made his own self acting like this to cover himself from all the feelings that were still clearly sailing inside his head a bit too strongly.

 

 

Despite the glass of champagne on his hand, he didn’t find himself celebrating his leadership. But at least the alcohol helped him smile more easily, and to actually socialize with people without snapping at everyone all the time.

He even talked to people – later into the night mostly with Yunho, who sat on another armchair opposite to Donghae, now turning a glass of whiskey on his hand.

Donghae understood he was mostly staring dully somewhere into the void, when his ex-leader raised the glass a bit towards the ceiling, shaking the glass and making the ice cubes hitting against the crystal material. He was able to hear the light tinkling noises, which somehow reminded him of his childhood, when his parents and family were still around, and the wind chimes of their porch were swinging in the warm summer breeze.

He didn’t usually think back to that time. His parents hadn’t really been much around, and he had been so young it was hard to remember any details anymore.

For his whole life, he had learned to keep his head above the water on his own, without the constant care of a family, when his foster parents had never cared about him or his brother when he was just a child. He could never understand why the couple had taken them in the first place. Maybe it had been a favor to do for Mr. Han – the man who killed his parents. Maybe he had felt remorse when there had been two young boys left without any caretaker. Mr. Han had his own son too, so maybe there actually had been some kind of an understanding even underneath all the selfishness.

“I brought your Audi and...the Lamborghini here”, the male with a dark brown, short hair muttered suddenly.

“Why?” Donghae asked, feeling a clench around his chest.

“Why not, you’re going to live here mostly anyway, right?”

“I’m not going to use them anyway, so why bother...” He couldn’t look at Yunho, who raised his eyebrows, until he lowered them again, now an understanding look in his eyes when he glanced towards Donghae.

“You don’t need to use them. I brought them to the warehouse few kilometers from here.”

The younger man didn’t say anything, but a heavy sigh escaped his lips.

Why couldn’t he never be able to keep something important in his life? Why he had to lose everything he cared about the most over and over again?

“Just so you know”, Yunho said again, tilting the glass and staring at the auburn liquid in it.

A silence fell between the men when Donghae sunk into his own thoughts again, not noticing how his eyes burnt uncomfortably.

“It’s only been four months. You still have the right to grief.”

He had already heard that sentence and its different variations so many times already, but it didn’t do a thing. He couldn’t let his defenses down – in a mad world like this he lived in, there was always someone who wanted to take you down. If he wanted to be a good leader like Yunho, or his father, he had to do sacrifices for the bigger good. He wanted to be someone his underlings and friends could trust despite his age, or the fact that he was still learning his job.

“I can’t.”

He had some principles to live by. Some expectations to fill.

“Yes you can.”

He wasn’t really in a mood to talk about this, and Yunho probably realized that too while he didn’t say anything else after that.

“I’ll get some fresh air...” Donghae muttered after he had emptied his glass and placed it on the little, round side table. The other man only nodded, knowing that it was most likely better to let the younger be alone for a while.

Donghae walked through the large dining room, silently greeting some of the faces he hadn’t yet seen, but ignoring the familiar faces who tried to lock gazes with him. If he even looked calm to the outside, in the inside he was like a ship in the middle of a storm. When he finally opened the big double doors to the house-wide terrace and closed them behind, he took a heavy, quivering breath when he leaned against the white, handmade balustrade and lowered his head between his shoulders.

One thing he couldn’t never come to terms with, was the fact that in his life, he only seemed to lose everything he desired the most. A family by blood, both parents and a brother, the love of his life... Why all those things were taken away from him just when he had lowered his shields and let himself really feel something? He was so tired of trying to belong to somewhere – not that he felt like an outsider in Xiezhi – but he needed that something – someone – to be by his side when it hurt the most.

He couldn’t make himself handle it if he would lose anyone in the future again.

He wasn’t so strong – and would never be – but he didn’t want to be weak. He wasn’t strong enough to just move on, forget and live on. He wasn’t made like that.

But this was the only thing that was left anymore.

This mafia should keep him going; this one of a kind of family, all those new and older friends that cared about him; all those people who would stay by his side just because they had faith in him, who trusted him. 

He didn’t want to be ungrateful, but even despite all the good people he had as his friends, it didn’t feel like it was enough.

Would it ever be enough...?

With tears in his eyes but yet not on his cheeks, he gripped his longish, brown hair in desperation, trying to prevent the sobs coming out.

He knew it had only been four months, but still, he kept thinking if this was even the reality.

Oh, how much he prayed it to be only just a bad dream.

 

 

*

 

 

Beep... Beep... Beep...

 

 

Darkness.

The only thing till now he was able to feel was the deep abyss around him. He wasn’t sure for how long it had been. It had always been dark, except from the times when he had seen bits and pieces of incoherent spots of colors, short flashes of vivid lights and distant noises.

Despite the fact, he had never been able to understand what all that meant.

Sometimes the noises became from somewhere further away, and sometimes they felt more palpable than usually. He couldn’t say what the noises were though. The ones he could hear more often were, however, just repetitious and simple beeps. He didn’t know what that meant either. Sometimes a sharp and strong pain shot through him, but he wasn’t able to do anything about it. He just had to bear with it, until he’d feel something running through him. That one, he also couldn’t name.

He didn’t understand much.

He didn’t know what was going on. He didn’t know where this was. He didn’t know what he was. He didn’t know anything.

Today, it felt different.

He could sense something around him, below him, something touching him. He could smell something; something really strong yet something that had always been there. The noises were starting to get more shape beside the constant, calm beeps. He could hear something low, sometimes something higher. Sometimes the noises were clear. But in the end, they only had started to get sharper, deeper. There were more ups and downs, pauses and something that might keep going on erratic pace – now there was more fluctuation in it all.

He was getting more aware of his own self; aware of the fact that he wasn’t just a feeling, a sensation, or all the things he saw, smelled or heard.

He was something. Maybe...someone.

Now, he could actually think. The things he had experienced weren’t only some weird pieces in the void anymore.

He started to remember, to think, that he had something.

He actually existed.

Slowly, there were noises he was able to recognize. There was, for example, gentle chirping coming somewhere further. Maybe it was going through something. Maybe, he was inside something and the noise came from the outside.

It was the same for the variations of odors. There was something fresh, something colder and crispier, a smell he could actually attach some feelings with. But there was still the penetrating odor of something made from chemicals.

Bird.

It was actually a bird chirping.

Wind.

Disinfectant.

Nature, different chemicals, a hint of saltiness of the sea – and he understood he had smelled these things before.

He was alive, breathing. Understanding again.

Now he realized what he was actually trying to do, when something really bright was flickering between his eyelids when he tried to get them open. It was tiring, and the lights hurt, because for so long it had only been darkness.

He started to move his fingers. It wasn’t easy, because he didn’t have any power. He was already exhausted from trying, but he kept going, trying to move a finger first, and then another, and another.

In the middle he felt how his tongue tried to move inside his dry mouth, and he lifted the muscle against his lips, trying to moisture those, but it didn’t really change anything. He wanted something – no – he needed something. However, he was able to slightly open his lips, but he couldn’t get clear what was he doing. Even though, he heard something, and felt his chest raising.

Was he trying to talk?

After a long struggle, he finally decided to get his eyes open.

At first, he only wanted to shut them again. The lights ached against his retinas, but he was stubborn, and eventually he started to discern different shapes. The whiteness started to turn into several colors, but fortunately there wasn’t anything too bright besides the light shades of green and cream coming from his peripheral vision.

But he wasn’t expecting to hear something so piercing, something so clear and understandable. He didn’t even remember that voices could actually have meanings.

“You’re finally awake.”

Who was that? Who was here, talking to him? He had never heard this voice before. It wasn’t familiar. But neither was anything else, despite the beeps and other distant noises that didn’t have a meaning yet.

This was something wholly different, though.

“You must be thirsty. Wait a second.”

Something was happening around. Light swish and louder sounds of clacks going on his left side, until a different kind of fragrance filled his nostrils. In no time, he felt something touching his lips – something he had waited, needed – water.

He tried to drink, but it wasn’t easy. It took a while for his mind to organize and remember some instinct like this, drinking. But he didn’t mind the cooling sensations sliding against his jaw and neck.

“Hold your horses, you just woke up from a coma, moron”, the higher voice said, chuckling a bit. Something in it calmed him, but he wasn’t sure why.

In confusion, he blinked his eyelids tiredly, then coughing and trying to clean his throat.

“...e...Wh...r...W...Where...”

“You’re really stubborn, aren’t ‘ya?”

This voice...

“Where...”

“I’m not sure if it’s smart of you to try talking yet.”

Finally, he realized what was so different in this voice.

“I guess I should call the doctor for you.”

It’s feminine.

“Where...a-am... Where am...I...” His throat hurt, but his mind couldn’t stop bugging him with this thought, so he kept moving his lips and tongue till this character would understand.

“Hospital. This is a hospital.”

Hospital? So that’s why the familiar smell. He had smelled it before.

Didn’t...she...already say that he had been in a...coma? He had been unconscious god only knew for how long? What was it about?

“W...who...”

He was getting really tired. His eyelids were starting to drop and his throat became drier again.

“Who am I? Is that what you’re trying to ask?” the female asked, snickering, almost.

“...no...” he croaked.

He needed to know.

“No?”

“Who... Who am I...?”


End file.
